my final post on fb, but no my final post on my blog

It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington

So, I am having a really hard time right now and have decided that although I will continue to write my blog, I am going to get off of face book. I need to focus on ME, my health & my daughter, and my relationship with God. I have fallen out of the passion I had for my life, don't get me wrong, I love my life... But I am so consumed in feeling sick most of the time, that I need to stop & refocus.
I have said this before on facebook, but I am actually going to stay away for a while.

I will miss the interaction with many people, but I need to be selfish right now. I need to spend time with Lexi and take care of just us, and not worry about anyone else. I hate to say that because I love my friends. But I need this right now.

So, the update with the neurologist today. She loaded me up with all kinds of meds, which I will not take because I already take migraine meds, and they take the edge off, I don't like taking meds, having been a recovering addict, I am not happy about the stuff she has prescribed. KNOWING I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. She is putting me on a sleeping aid that will help me sleep but said I can't sleep alone! LOL SO FUNNY because the guy I was dating lives in another state & I am not going to ask my daughter or a friend sleep with me to make sure I don't roll on to my back! I am a back sleeper! She thinks that is part of my problem! That my sleeping is off. She thinks part of my issue is sleep apnea, on top of all my other issues. I don't think I have sleep apnea. Anyway, I have to have an MRI with contrast on Monday afternoon, and I see her again on Wednesday for the results. She doesn't think the Chiair Malformation has gotten worse, she thinks that because I have a deformaty to my skull that, that is putting pressure on my brain. HELLO! Part of Chiari!!! Anyway, I was really disheartened when I left there because she made me feel like I was imagining some of my symptoms. Which I am not, and my friend Wendy who had Chiari Malformation 1, and went to this dr too she misdiagnosed Wendy for 2 years. Anyway, I didn't find this out til after I had the appt already. So, She thinks I should have a Spinal tap, which I am scared to death to have! This whole thing is scary! I am just not dealing with this well at all.

I can't wait to get a copy of the MRI so my nurse friends can read it for me. They are trained to read xrays, THANK GOD!!! So, now I will have someone arm me with info for when I go back to the Neurologist on Wednesday for my results. But I am so stressed!!! I hate this! I hate what this has done to me, to my life, to my moods, makes me paranoid with the people I Love that they are "Mad at me" for some reason or whatever! It's just not good!

I am so exhausted, I will write more tomorrow!

Thanks for being here my friends, Thanks for following me on this entire journey, and OH, all I ate today was grilled chicken nuggets and some french fries! Wish I had eaten more, but I couldn't! :(   I'm hoping tomorrow I can eat a little more!

Godspeed!!!
Jenn