The way you get meaning into your life
is to devote yourself to loving others,
devote yourself to your community around you,
and devote yourself to creating something
that gives you purpose and meaning
- Mitch Albom
So I got to thinking of this quote I just put up. And it's so true life has so much meaning when we devote ourselves to God and to others! God should be first and foremost. But Lexi and then my boyfriend have always been next because when you love the people closest to you, and you commit and devote yourself to them, your life has so much more meaning. We like to do things that to make others happy. Especially those closest to us, and our family (parents, siblings & of course our closest friends). I am a very loyal person, and I have a very select few that I trust outside of my family more than others. It's not because they have done something, or anything like that, it's just because there are just some people we are closer too! Anyway, sometimes we need to stop and think about how much we are devoting to others, and see if we have some how lost ourselves in the process. It's so easy to do.
Let me use a hypothetical example. How many of us lose our own self worth or happiness because we want our spouse or significant other to be happy? When I stop to think about it, I'd be willing to give up the man I love with all my heart, not because I don't love him, but because I want him to be truly happy. And if that is not with me, then as devastating as I would be, I don't want him to stay with me and be miserable. (HYPOTHETICAL, NOT ACTUAL EXAMPLE), because then we would all be miserable. But how many of us do that?
Then it got me thinking about my weight issues that I have always had. I thought, when I was miserable, I always gained weight! Instead of ending the relationships in the past whether it be a boyfriend, or a friend, I kept staying in that "Relationship" because I didn't want to make someone unhappy, so I ate my way through my unhappiness. I figured if I gained enough weight, well then "He would not love me any more and he would leave" I know, I know, CRAZY!!! But that is what I did & how I thought! So, at this stage in my life, I am thinking about WHAT I WANT. What makes ME Happy and the other people around me, and if something doesn't work, then we either need to work on it & fix it, or move on..... I am too old to be miserable, too old to make someone else feel they need to be in something if they really don't. I am a survivor, I have survived so much in my life, and I am working so hard on ME now, and NO ONE, is going to get in the way of me getting to my goal! So, this time around, I am thinking before I put food in my mouth, thinking and learning to stop and think before I say something to someone, because I am the type of person that sometimes when I am hurt, "I GO FOR THE JUGGLER" It's a part of who I am and I am really trying to change that. I am not perfect, but I am really trying... This past year had been a huge learning experience for me. I chose to walk away from a few friends, because they just went down different paths in life than I was on. It does not mean I hate them or anything, but I am tired of that "Misery loves company" And I hate to be judged, so I decided to walk away. Do I miss them? No, I don't wish them any ill feelings or anything, but I so don't need people like that in mylife, and for once I realized it's ok. I don't have to be friends with someone because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I'm so over that!
Anyway, so, with my weight loss, there are weeks that a little more comes off than others, and that is partly because of the Chiari Malformation. As of late, I am having a really hard time swallowing certain textures of food. It makes me feel like I am choking. I LOVE APPLES, skin & all, and tonight during dinner, I started gagging on the apple skin, I just could not swallow it, so I had to peel it. I know, that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you ate them on Friday, and didn't have a problem eating the skin & then today being Sunday and I can't swallow them, that makes it very concerning that some of my issues are getting worse quicker. I am so glad I am going to the Neurologist on Wednesday morning. They will schedule me for my MRI, and then with the neurosurgeon. And Hopefully soon, I will have some relief from this torture!!! This really is torture, and although, YES I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE LOST 26 1/2 Lbs so far. Yup, I am not going to weigh myself again until Friday morning, but I did weigh myself again this morning. I wanted to see how much more I had lost since I have not been eating a lot. Again, it's not because I don't want to, it is because I am either not hungry or my gag re fluxes with eating certain foods is getting worse, therefore making me unable to eat.
So, although I am happy at my weight loss, I know I need to really pay attention to what I put in my mouth! I did eat pineapple chunks and watermelon chunks for breakfast/lunch, earlier I had 2 cups of coffee, and then later on had the fruit. Then for dinner I had a burger & a half, (Which I had to force myself to eat) and so with pineapples, and some fries, with avocado, and an apple. I know, that's not alot to eat in a day. Still no bread, no grains, I wanted a pretzel today but that passed as quick as the urge came. Actually when I broke off a piece of pretzel and gave it to my dog, It actually made me gag at the thought of eating it. So that was good! I really am not craving anything other than my potato chips, which passes real quickly too!
Well I have got to get my butt in gear and get ready for the week. I was hoping to see a little bit of snow today and maybe a delay tomorrow, but no such luck!! Oh well...
If you have off for Presidents Day, I hope you enjoy your day off.
I'll be back tomorrow.
Godspeed!
Jenn
No comments:
Post a Comment