We thought that we had the answers,
it was the questions we had wrong.
- Bono
I'm just stopping by to make a quick post. Been a busy day and I am exhausted.
Update, I am going for my spinal tap Friday. Quite scared but I'll be fine.
Food was good today.
I had roasted eggplant with peppers & onions. Went with my friend Clyde to this awesome restaurant Neomonde. it was amazing! Then for dinner, I had some left over sheppards pie.
Got my hair done & Lexi did too! Came out awesome.
Time for bed, we just got home!
Sorry for the short post. I will make up for it tomorrow!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Jenn's Lifestyle Change
Jenn
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
weighing my priorities
It is a better thing to weigh and measure priorities
in the illuminating light of your own mission
than to have your activities formed by the
impressions and expectations of others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Today was an ok day. We had food for my friends Andrea who is getting married Saturday, my friend Allison who got married this past Sunday and then for Lacey who is one of the pharmacists who is leaving and tomorrow is her last day. I had fruit which was perfect, Susan & I shared the cost & that's what we brought in.. I will tell you, there was some amazing desserts and I will tell you, I took a fork and tried these brownies that my coworker Keith made, they had marshmallow's on top of them. They were so gooey too! I decided that those brownies were something I wanted to try! I didn't beat myself up for trying it either. I had one bite, and threw my fork away. And that was enough to satisfy my wanting to try it. I told Keith, that was the first time I had a "CHEAT" and he was honored that it was to try his brownies even though it was just a bite! So that was a part of weighing my priorities because I had to decide what was more important? Allowing myself to try something I really wanted or to not try it and risk indulging more than I would have, had I not tried the one bite! So the one bite won! lol
The rest of the day, I didn't cheat or want to cheat! I ate my slim fast shake for breakfast, protein bar for snack, fruit, then I had 3 slices of roast beef and some grapes & a piece of cheese for lunch.
For dinner, I had Sheppard's pie, it was awesome, Susan made it. It was garlic potatoes, french green beans, chip meat & cheese, it was so good!
I have been eating a little more the last 2 days, because I realized I was not eating enough! I'm still being careful though and making sure that I get all I need to get by way of protein & stuff.
Well I am really tired. I have a busy day tomorrow. I am going to the Neurologist in the morning before work but after I take Lexi to the orthodontist and to pick up our glasses. Then I need to drop off my regular glasses & they will put the new progressive lenses in them.
I can't believe I have to get progressive lenses. Oh well! I also had to get stronger readers as well! The joys of getting old!
I'm going to finish my glass of wine & head to bed!
I hope you all have a great evening.
Godspeed!
Jenn
in the illuminating light of your own mission
than to have your activities formed by the
impressions and expectations of others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Today was an ok day. We had food for my friends Andrea who is getting married Saturday, my friend Allison who got married this past Sunday and then for Lacey who is one of the pharmacists who is leaving and tomorrow is her last day. I had fruit which was perfect, Susan & I shared the cost & that's what we brought in.. I will tell you, there was some amazing desserts and I will tell you, I took a fork and tried these brownies that my coworker Keith made, they had marshmallow's on top of them. They were so gooey too! I decided that those brownies were something I wanted to try! I didn't beat myself up for trying it either. I had one bite, and threw my fork away. And that was enough to satisfy my wanting to try it. I told Keith, that was the first time I had a "CHEAT" and he was honored that it was to try his brownies even though it was just a bite! So that was a part of weighing my priorities because I had to decide what was more important? Allowing myself to try something I really wanted or to not try it and risk indulging more than I would have, had I not tried the one bite! So the one bite won! lol
The rest of the day, I didn't cheat or want to cheat! I ate my slim fast shake for breakfast, protein bar for snack, fruit, then I had 3 slices of roast beef and some grapes & a piece of cheese for lunch.
For dinner, I had Sheppard's pie, it was awesome, Susan made it. It was garlic potatoes, french green beans, chip meat & cheese, it was so good!
I have been eating a little more the last 2 days, because I realized I was not eating enough! I'm still being careful though and making sure that I get all I need to get by way of protein & stuff.
Well I am really tired. I have a busy day tomorrow. I am going to the Neurologist in the morning before work but after I take Lexi to the orthodontist and to pick up our glasses. Then I need to drop off my regular glasses & they will put the new progressive lenses in them.
I can't believe I have to get progressive lenses. Oh well! I also had to get stronger readers as well! The joys of getting old!
I'm going to finish my glass of wine & head to bed!
I hope you all have a great evening.
Godspeed!
Jenn
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday... Things in my life seem to be turning around
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread,
places to play in and pray in,
where nature may heal and cheer
and give strength to the body and soul.
- John Muir
Today although stressful turned out to be a good day. I went to work, and left early and went for my MRI. It was freaking crazy because I am really not claustrophobic but I am when it comes to those head MRI's! They put my head in a cage and I could not move! I felt like I was chocking and couldn't breathe, it was really scary, but what I did was, I thought about my boyfriend and the times when he has been to my house and how incredibly awesome it was and how comforting it was to have him here with me, and then I was instantly able to calm down.
Then when I left the MRI, he called me and we had a long talk for over an hour which was really nice. He reminded me how much he loved me and it made me realize how much I truly love him. Aside from my daughter and my puppy, I don't think I have ever loved anyone in this world as much as I love him! And with all that I am going through with my health & the tests, it was nice to know that he is still in this with me.
I didn't eat alot again today. I had a slim fast shake this morning because I don't always eat alot, then I had a protein bar, and then didn't eat anything until dinner tonight, and I had 2 slice of pot roast and then I had some potatoes and carrots, OMG it was awesome. I am sitting here having a glass of wine, hanging out relaxing.
Not much else is going on. I tried to read my MRI, but didn't really understand so I am bringing them to work and one of my friends who had Chiari Malformation 1 also and understands how to read the MRI & she is also a nurse. I will have a follow up with the Neurologist on Wednesday.
Well I hope you all have an awesome evening! Time to go relax!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
places to play in and pray in,
where nature may heal and cheer
and give strength to the body and soul.
- John Muir
Today although stressful turned out to be a good day. I went to work, and left early and went for my MRI. It was freaking crazy because I am really not claustrophobic but I am when it comes to those head MRI's! They put my head in a cage and I could not move! I felt like I was chocking and couldn't breathe, it was really scary, but what I did was, I thought about my boyfriend and the times when he has been to my house and how incredibly awesome it was and how comforting it was to have him here with me, and then I was instantly able to calm down.
Then when I left the MRI, he called me and we had a long talk for over an hour which was really nice. He reminded me how much he loved me and it made me realize how much I truly love him. Aside from my daughter and my puppy, I don't think I have ever loved anyone in this world as much as I love him! And with all that I am going through with my health & the tests, it was nice to know that he is still in this with me.
I didn't eat alot again today. I had a slim fast shake this morning because I don't always eat alot, then I had a protein bar, and then didn't eat anything until dinner tonight, and I had 2 slice of pot roast and then I had some potatoes and carrots, OMG it was awesome. I am sitting here having a glass of wine, hanging out relaxing.
Not much else is going on. I tried to read my MRI, but didn't really understand so I am bringing them to work and one of my friends who had Chiari Malformation 1 also and understands how to read the MRI & she is also a nurse. I will have a follow up with the Neurologist on Wednesday.
Well I hope you all have an awesome evening! Time to go relax!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday...Tomorrow is my MRI appt....
If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)
I had a nice weekend... Lots of unexpected attention. Yesterday was the guy at the Eye Care Center, today was the guy in Red Robin. It is kind of flattering. It was kind of funny too because I ran into a friend of mine at Kroger today when we were grocery shopping, then I thought he was in Red Robin, so when I saw this guy and thought he was my friend, and I did a double take at him, he was thrilled that I was smiling at him! So funny though because once I realized he wasn't my friend, I was a little embarrassed. But he kept staring at me and I would just smile back & he grinned from ear to ear & oh what white teeth he had! Beautiful teeth & a great big smile! It really was comical when I think about it now.
Again, I didn't eat much today, coffee & a burger later on. But I had my burger with pineapple, pickles and cheese, YUMMO!!!! I wish I was hungry more so I could eat more but I just couldn't! I don't know what the heck is going on with me. I am sure it has a lot to do with my nerves about my MRI tomorrow and then seeing this Doctor on Wednesday that I just do NOT LIKE AT ALL! But she's good & thorough so I should not complain! I just wish I could see the original Neurologist that I had seen. He was 100x's better. but oh well!
So, I am starting this week with a more positive attitude. I am going to try and not worry about anyone else but me & Lexi which is really hard!
As I go into the week, and go for my MRI tomorrow, I will remember this prayer I always say...
"Lord Help me to remember that NOTHING is going to happen to me, that you and I together can't handle."
Make it a great week!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)
I had a nice weekend... Lots of unexpected attention. Yesterday was the guy at the Eye Care Center, today was the guy in Red Robin. It is kind of flattering. It was kind of funny too because I ran into a friend of mine at Kroger today when we were grocery shopping, then I thought he was in Red Robin, so when I saw this guy and thought he was my friend, and I did a double take at him, he was thrilled that I was smiling at him! So funny though because once I realized he wasn't my friend, I was a little embarrassed. But he kept staring at me and I would just smile back & he grinned from ear to ear & oh what white teeth he had! Beautiful teeth & a great big smile! It really was comical when I think about it now.
Again, I didn't eat much today, coffee & a burger later on. But I had my burger with pineapple, pickles and cheese, YUMMO!!!! I wish I was hungry more so I could eat more but I just couldn't! I don't know what the heck is going on with me. I am sure it has a lot to do with my nerves about my MRI tomorrow and then seeing this Doctor on Wednesday that I just do NOT LIKE AT ALL! But she's good & thorough so I should not complain! I just wish I could see the original Neurologist that I had seen. He was 100x's better. but oh well!
So, I am starting this week with a more positive attitude. I am going to try and not worry about anyone else but me & Lexi which is really hard!
As I go into the week, and go for my MRI tomorrow, I will remember this prayer I always say...
"Lord Help me to remember that NOTHING is going to happen to me, that you and I together can't handle."
Make it a great week!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Saturday, February 25, 2012
WOO HOO I HAVE HIT A LOSS OF..................you'll have to read to find out
We cannot choose our external circumstances,
but we can always choose how to respond to them.
- Epictetus
So, today has been an incredibly interesting day. We got ready real quick today because we had eye appointments so I had a cup of coffee, showered and we ran out the door. It was an interesting exam.
One of the guys that works at the eye place, & is the manager, hit on me the entire time and gave me his number. I didn't not give him mine, although he has access to it. It was very flattering and I may even go out with him eventually. I have to see. I told my friend Joe to tell him I had a lot on my plate right now but I would think about it and let him know if I would when my glasses came in during the week. Ugh.... dating, I thought I would not have to do this anymore. I honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with the last guy I was dating. Not really sure if we are broken up or not,, but things are different. I still love him with all my heart, but there are some things that would have to change before we moved forward, so I have to keep myself open to the fact that dating is really and probably going to be the best thing for me right now. I guess time will tell.... Oh n let's not forget that, getting older is so sucky sometimes. I had to get progressive lenses. UGH thank GOD it is not bad, but it's easier to get it, and my eyes have changed because of the pressure from my Chiari 1. So, that's not fun. I have always had great eye sight. So, hopefully we will be able to get me all fixed up and then my eye sight won't get worse.
So, after my eye appointment, I ran to my Dr's and picked up my blood pressure medicine, and well, I had my blood pressure done, it was 124/78 and I had dropped another 3 lbs this week, putting me at a 29.5 lb weight loss in less than 2 months! I am actually astounded! I can't even believe it! I am of course so proud of myself, but I have so much more to go! I actually want to lose another 70 lbs. I would really like to lose 100 lbs but I am doing it a little at a time. But I am so incredibly proud of how far I have come in such a short time.
After that Lexi & I went to lunch, I got asparagus wrapped with turkey & bacon! OMG NEW favorite of mine! Healthy & delicious!!!
We then had a girls afternoon and got our nails done & pedicures! So nice to be pampered! I NEVER DO THAT!!!
Well I have so much to do! I needed to write this early, since my evening is booked solid.
Oh my friend & lifestyle change buddy did her half marathon at Disney this morning. I am sure she did awesome. Can't wait to hear from her! I will be doing that with her next year!!! SO excited!
Hope you all have an awesome evening.
Godspeed..
Jenn
but we can always choose how to respond to them.
- Epictetus
So, today has been an incredibly interesting day. We got ready real quick today because we had eye appointments so I had a cup of coffee, showered and we ran out the door. It was an interesting exam.
One of the guys that works at the eye place, & is the manager, hit on me the entire time and gave me his number. I didn't not give him mine, although he has access to it. It was very flattering and I may even go out with him eventually. I have to see. I told my friend Joe to tell him I had a lot on my plate right now but I would think about it and let him know if I would when my glasses came in during the week. Ugh.... dating, I thought I would not have to do this anymore. I honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with the last guy I was dating. Not really sure if we are broken up or not,, but things are different. I still love him with all my heart, but there are some things that would have to change before we moved forward, so I have to keep myself open to the fact that dating is really and probably going to be the best thing for me right now. I guess time will tell.... Oh n let's not forget that, getting older is so sucky sometimes. I had to get progressive lenses. UGH thank GOD it is not bad, but it's easier to get it, and my eyes have changed because of the pressure from my Chiari 1. So, that's not fun. I have always had great eye sight. So, hopefully we will be able to get me all fixed up and then my eye sight won't get worse.
So, after my eye appointment, I ran to my Dr's and picked up my blood pressure medicine, and well, I had my blood pressure done, it was 124/78 and I had dropped another 3 lbs this week, putting me at a 29.5 lb weight loss in less than 2 months! I am actually astounded! I can't even believe it! I am of course so proud of myself, but I have so much more to go! I actually want to lose another 70 lbs. I would really like to lose 100 lbs but I am doing it a little at a time. But I am so incredibly proud of how far I have come in such a short time.
After that Lexi & I went to lunch, I got asparagus wrapped with turkey & bacon! OMG NEW favorite of mine! Healthy & delicious!!!
We then had a girls afternoon and got our nails done & pedicures! So nice to be pampered! I NEVER DO THAT!!!
Well I have so much to do! I needed to write this early, since my evening is booked solid.
Oh my friend & lifestyle change buddy did her half marathon at Disney this morning. I am sure she did awesome. Can't wait to hear from her! I will be doing that with her next year!!! SO excited!
Hope you all have an awesome evening.
Godspeed..
Jenn
Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday...What an awesome day
Steve Jobs' Three Rules of Life ...
1. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
2. Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
3. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs
Well today was an awesome day. Work was busy, actually very busy. So it helped make the day go really quckly. My food intake was not good at all! I did drink a lot of water, but I am just not hungry. I don't know if it's just all the stress or what? I am going to weigh myself in the morning since I didn't get a chance to this morning because I was running late! I did not want to get out of bed this morning but I did. I could have stayed in bed all day! I had a headache that nothing helped ease it.
Today was so busy. Lexi had her talent show after work & I was running the concession. It was good, I had great parents to help and it went very smoothly, I just had to run back and forth a little but got to watch almost the entire show. LEXI DID AMAZING! I'm posting the video to my face book page so that everyone can see it. I am not going on facebook, but just posting it from youtube. I was so proud and when she finished singing I jumped out of my chair & I was crying & screaminng & whistling, I was beaming with pride!
Gonna be a busy weekend. I am going to try to get up to go watch my friend at his soccer game but OMG, it's at 8am. (FRIEND... If you read this in the afternoon, & I didn't make the game I'm sorry!) But I will try, and then we have eye exams at 10am. What the heck was I thinking booking an appt that early! DUMB DUMB DUMB! I love to sleep til at least 8 or 9. The days of sleeping til 10 are over I think.
I am going for a sleep study at the end of March before my trip to Florida! OMG, I can not wait! I so want to go hang out on the beach for a solid week and come home with a nice tan. I miss having my summer tan, I am so white! LOL
Monday is my MRI with contrast. It's in the afternoon. I am anxious for the results and I will get them on Wednesday when I go to the Neurologist again. I will tell you, this Chiari Malformation STINKS! You have to jump through hoops to get all kinds of tests done. Not looking forward to the spinal tap either! SCARED TO DEATH ACTUALLY!!!
Well, I hope you all have had a great week.
I'll be back tomorrow!
Godspeed!
Jenn
1. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
2. Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
3. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs
Well today was an awesome day. Work was busy, actually very busy. So it helped make the day go really quckly. My food intake was not good at all! I did drink a lot of water, but I am just not hungry. I don't know if it's just all the stress or what? I am going to weigh myself in the morning since I didn't get a chance to this morning because I was running late! I did not want to get out of bed this morning but I did. I could have stayed in bed all day! I had a headache that nothing helped ease it.
Today was so busy. Lexi had her talent show after work & I was running the concession. It was good, I had great parents to help and it went very smoothly, I just had to run back and forth a little but got to watch almost the entire show. LEXI DID AMAZING! I'm posting the video to my face book page so that everyone can see it. I am not going on facebook, but just posting it from youtube. I was so proud and when she finished singing I jumped out of my chair & I was crying & screaminng & whistling, I was beaming with pride!
Gonna be a busy weekend. I am going to try to get up to go watch my friend at his soccer game but OMG, it's at 8am. (FRIEND... If you read this in the afternoon, & I didn't make the game I'm sorry!) But I will try, and then we have eye exams at 10am. What the heck was I thinking booking an appt that early! DUMB DUMB DUMB! I love to sleep til at least 8 or 9. The days of sleeping til 10 are over I think.
I am going for a sleep study at the end of March before my trip to Florida! OMG, I can not wait! I so want to go hang out on the beach for a solid week and come home with a nice tan. I miss having my summer tan, I am so white! LOL
Monday is my MRI with contrast. It's in the afternoon. I am anxious for the results and I will get them on Wednesday when I go to the Neurologist again. I will tell you, this Chiari Malformation STINKS! You have to jump through hoops to get all kinds of tests done. Not looking forward to the spinal tap either! SCARED TO DEATH ACTUALLY!!!
Well, I hope you all have had a great week.
I'll be back tomorrow!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Almost Friday & oh I got the greatest compliment today!!! Thank you!!!
Throw your dreams into space like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
- Anais Nin
Today was a good day, it was probably one of the better days that I have had. I had a friend come find me and check to see how I was doing which was so incredibly nice. Then later I got an email from him and he complimented me on my weight loss & teased me about how he was "NOT" checkin me out! LOL I told him if he was, that was ok, I'd be flattered, so he said he was just a little! IT was incredibly sweet & he totally made my day! I have had many people say that they could really see the weight I have lost, but when he said it today, it was just what I needed! It's so funny how there are people in your life you expect to be there and they aren't and yet there are people you'd never expect to care and be there and they are the first ones to go out of your way! So, to my friend, my biggest guy supporter, Thank you for making my day and putting a huge smile on my face & Reminding me not only what I deserve but what I am worth! :) You are awesome!
So, I have decided to not stress over my health until I have my MRI & Find out what is what & when I have to do everything! I am not going to let it ruin my weekend, and my Friday night! Lexi is in a Talent show at school and I am so excited for her! She is going to be awesome! She is singing a song called Keep your head up by Andy Grammer. She's going to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK!!! She will be awesome.
I did really good today with my food. I had a banana & string cheese for breakfast, a big salad with a hard boiled egg and a cucumber. It was so good! Tonight for dinner, I had grilled chicken and french fries. I am doing so well! I am so proud of myself. YES, I AM! I look in the mirror and like what I am seeing! I like the results. I am nearing a 30 lb weight loss, not quite, but almost!!!
I will post my weight loss tomorrow! SO EXCITED!!!
I went with Lexi to the Orientation at HIGH SCHOOL! OMG, MY BABY IS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT!!! Where had the time gone and we saw her Kindergarten boyfriend there and they hung a bit, and I hung & talked with his parents! IT was so great to see that they are still friends after all these years!!!
Well I have to go do Lexi's hair for tomorrow. Hope you all have a great evening!
Thank you all for your support!
Keep coming back, you help keep me motivated!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
- Anais Nin
Today was a good day, it was probably one of the better days that I have had. I had a friend come find me and check to see how I was doing which was so incredibly nice. Then later I got an email from him and he complimented me on my weight loss & teased me about how he was "NOT" checkin me out! LOL I told him if he was, that was ok, I'd be flattered, so he said he was just a little! IT was incredibly sweet & he totally made my day! I have had many people say that they could really see the weight I have lost, but when he said it today, it was just what I needed! It's so funny how there are people in your life you expect to be there and they aren't and yet there are people you'd never expect to care and be there and they are the first ones to go out of your way! So, to my friend, my biggest guy supporter, Thank you for making my day and putting a huge smile on my face & Reminding me not only what I deserve but what I am worth! :) You are awesome!
So, I have decided to not stress over my health until I have my MRI & Find out what is what & when I have to do everything! I am not going to let it ruin my weekend, and my Friday night! Lexi is in a Talent show at school and I am so excited for her! She is going to be awesome! She is singing a song called Keep your head up by Andy Grammer. She's going to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK!!! She will be awesome.
I did really good today with my food. I had a banana & string cheese for breakfast, a big salad with a hard boiled egg and a cucumber. It was so good! Tonight for dinner, I had grilled chicken and french fries. I am doing so well! I am so proud of myself. YES, I AM! I look in the mirror and like what I am seeing! I like the results. I am nearing a 30 lb weight loss, not quite, but almost!!!
I will post my weight loss tomorrow! SO EXCITED!!!
I went with Lexi to the Orientation at HIGH SCHOOL! OMG, MY BABY IS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT!!! Where had the time gone and we saw her Kindergarten boyfriend there and they hung a bit, and I hung & talked with his parents! IT was so great to see that they are still friends after all these years!!!
Well I have to go do Lexi's hair for tomorrow. Hope you all have a great evening!
Thank you all for your support!
Keep coming back, you help keep me motivated!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
my final post on fb, but no my final post on my blog
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
So, I am having a really hard time right now and have decided that although I will continue to write my blog, I am going to get off of face book. I need to focus on ME, my health & my daughter, and my relationship with God. I have fallen out of the passion I had for my life, don't get me wrong, I love my life... But I am so consumed in feeling sick most of the time, that I need to stop & refocus.
I have said this before on facebook, but I am actually going to stay away for a while.
I will miss the interaction with many people, but I need to be selfish right now. I need to spend time with Lexi and take care of just us, and not worry about anyone else. I hate to say that because I love my friends. But I need this right now.
So, the update with the neurologist today. She loaded me up with all kinds of meds, which I will not take because I already take migraine meds, and they take the edge off, I don't like taking meds, having been a recovering addict, I am not happy about the stuff she has prescribed. KNOWING I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. She is putting me on a sleeping aid that will help me sleep but said I can't sleep alone! LOL SO FUNNY because the guy I was dating lives in another state & I am not going to ask my daughter or a friend sleep with me to make sure I don't roll on to my back! I am a back sleeper! She thinks that is part of my problem! That my sleeping is off. She thinks part of my issue is sleep apnea, on top of all my other issues. I don't think I have sleep apnea. Anyway, I have to have an MRI with contrast on Monday afternoon, and I see her again on Wednesday for the results. She doesn't think the Chiair Malformation has gotten worse, she thinks that because I have a deformaty to my skull that, that is putting pressure on my brain. HELLO! Part of Chiari!!! Anyway, I was really disheartened when I left there because she made me feel like I was imagining some of my symptoms. Which I am not, and my friend Wendy who had Chiari Malformation 1, and went to this dr too she misdiagnosed Wendy for 2 years. Anyway, I didn't find this out til after I had the appt already. So, She thinks I should have a Spinal tap, which I am scared to death to have! This whole thing is scary! I am just not dealing with this well at all.
I can't wait to get a copy of the MRI so my nurse friends can read it for me. They are trained to read xrays, THANK GOD!!! So, now I will have someone arm me with info for when I go back to the Neurologist on Wednesday for my results. But I am so stressed!!! I hate this! I hate what this has done to me, to my life, to my moods, makes me paranoid with the people I Love that they are "Mad at me" for some reason or whatever! It's just not good!
I am so exhausted, I will write more tomorrow!
Thanks for being here my friends, Thanks for following me on this entire journey, and OH, all I ate today was grilled chicken nuggets and some french fries! Wish I had eaten more, but I couldn't! :( I'm hoping tomorrow I can eat a little more!
Godspeed!!!
Jenn
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
So, I am having a really hard time right now and have decided that although I will continue to write my blog, I am going to get off of face book. I need to focus on ME, my health & my daughter, and my relationship with God. I have fallen out of the passion I had for my life, don't get me wrong, I love my life... But I am so consumed in feeling sick most of the time, that I need to stop & refocus.
I have said this before on facebook, but I am actually going to stay away for a while.
I will miss the interaction with many people, but I need to be selfish right now. I need to spend time with Lexi and take care of just us, and not worry about anyone else. I hate to say that because I love my friends. But I need this right now.
So, the update with the neurologist today. She loaded me up with all kinds of meds, which I will not take because I already take migraine meds, and they take the edge off, I don't like taking meds, having been a recovering addict, I am not happy about the stuff she has prescribed. KNOWING I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. She is putting me on a sleeping aid that will help me sleep but said I can't sleep alone! LOL SO FUNNY because the guy I was dating lives in another state & I am not going to ask my daughter or a friend sleep with me to make sure I don't roll on to my back! I am a back sleeper! She thinks that is part of my problem! That my sleeping is off. She thinks part of my issue is sleep apnea, on top of all my other issues. I don't think I have sleep apnea. Anyway, I have to have an MRI with contrast on Monday afternoon, and I see her again on Wednesday for the results. She doesn't think the Chiair Malformation has gotten worse, she thinks that because I have a deformaty to my skull that, that is putting pressure on my brain. HELLO! Part of Chiari!!! Anyway, I was really disheartened when I left there because she made me feel like I was imagining some of my symptoms. Which I am not, and my friend Wendy who had Chiari Malformation 1, and went to this dr too she misdiagnosed Wendy for 2 years. Anyway, I didn't find this out til after I had the appt already. So, She thinks I should have a Spinal tap, which I am scared to death to have! This whole thing is scary! I am just not dealing with this well at all.
I can't wait to get a copy of the MRI so my nurse friends can read it for me. They are trained to read xrays, THANK GOD!!! So, now I will have someone arm me with info for when I go back to the Neurologist on Wednesday for my results. But I am so stressed!!! I hate this! I hate what this has done to me, to my life, to my moods, makes me paranoid with the people I Love that they are "Mad at me" for some reason or whatever! It's just not good!
I am so exhausted, I will write more tomorrow!
Thanks for being here my friends, Thanks for following me on this entire journey, and OH, all I ate today was grilled chicken nuggets and some french fries! Wish I had eaten more, but I couldn't! :( I'm hoping tomorrow I can eat a little more!
Godspeed!!!
Jenn
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Neurology appointment tomorrow
Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.
- Anais Nin
So I picked this little word of encouragement because I have hit a bump in the road with my health yet again, and I know that there are so many things happening in my life, the stress, work and all kinds of other stuff, and well lately it has taken a toll on me. I have talked about it in several of my posts, but I am not going to let this one "CLOUD" rain on my parade and stop me from all of my dreams. There are so many things that I want to do, and I am not a quitter. I AM A FIGHTER! I AM A SURVIVOR!!
I have been thinking about so many things in my life, and all the things I usually do when I am stressed & eating being one of them, and to be honest, I have had some of these Jolly Rancher gummies that my friend "Sweet" Andrea has been sharing with me! I figured if that is the worst that I do, I'm rocking on this LIFESTYLE CHANGE!!!
Today in the car on the way home, I had realized that I had forgotten to take out meat for dinner, so I couldn't decide what I wanted & Lexi said "Mom, you can have some left over pasta" & I said "NO" Although I did think about it, because boy would I Love a big bowl of pasta right about now, that's how stressed I am!!! Then I thought, and contemplated having a bun with my burger since I defrosted 2 burgers. And then Lexi said, "Mom, one bun will not hurt you!" I said, "YES actually it will, I can not have it right now, not while I am this stressed out!! So, I had my 2 burgers with cheese, on my plate and then I ate a bag of steamed broccoli! YUP! I guess after only eating an apple with peanut butter today I was more hungry. I'm hoping that the stress level will go down a bit after my appointment tomorrow. But I did NOT Mess up my program! I AM SO PROUD OF ME!!!!
I am really stressed about tomorrow, and going to remember this prayer that I always say!!
"LORD HELP ME TO REMEMBER THAT NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME TODAY THAT YOU AND I TOGETHER CAN'T HANDLE!!!!" This prayer gets me through my darkest days!!
Ok, so I'm getting off here early tonight, have stuff to do to get ready for tomorrow..
Hope you all have a great night!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
- Anais Nin
So I picked this little word of encouragement because I have hit a bump in the road with my health yet again, and I know that there are so many things happening in my life, the stress, work and all kinds of other stuff, and well lately it has taken a toll on me. I have talked about it in several of my posts, but I am not going to let this one "CLOUD" rain on my parade and stop me from all of my dreams. There are so many things that I want to do, and I am not a quitter. I AM A FIGHTER! I AM A SURVIVOR!!
I have been thinking about so many things in my life, and all the things I usually do when I am stressed & eating being one of them, and to be honest, I have had some of these Jolly Rancher gummies that my friend "Sweet" Andrea has been sharing with me! I figured if that is the worst that I do, I'm rocking on this LIFESTYLE CHANGE!!!
Today in the car on the way home, I had realized that I had forgotten to take out meat for dinner, so I couldn't decide what I wanted & Lexi said "Mom, you can have some left over pasta" & I said "NO" Although I did think about it, because boy would I Love a big bowl of pasta right about now, that's how stressed I am!!! Then I thought, and contemplated having a bun with my burger since I defrosted 2 burgers. And then Lexi said, "Mom, one bun will not hurt you!" I said, "YES actually it will, I can not have it right now, not while I am this stressed out!! So, I had my 2 burgers with cheese, on my plate and then I ate a bag of steamed broccoli! YUP! I guess after only eating an apple with peanut butter today I was more hungry. I'm hoping that the stress level will go down a bit after my appointment tomorrow. But I did NOT Mess up my program! I AM SO PROUD OF ME!!!!
I am really stressed about tomorrow, and going to remember this prayer that I always say!!
"LORD HELP ME TO REMEMBER THAT NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME TODAY THAT YOU AND I TOGETHER CAN'T HANDLE!!!!" This prayer gets me through my darkest days!!
Ok, so I'm getting off here early tonight, have stuff to do to get ready for tomorrow..
Hope you all have a great night!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Monday, February 20, 2012
OH BOY, I should have stayed in bed
He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions.
- Louisa May Alcott
So I totally should have stayed in bed today. I got to work and forgot my glasses so work was really difficult today! I am on the computer for 8 hours a day and have to read stuff to people at times & boy was that difficult!! I did find them when I got home though! So I have them on now! My eyesight is getting so bad! It's horrible. I have always had such great sight, that I have no idea what has happened.
Then throughout the day I got a little freaked out, ok a lot freaked out because my choking was really bad while I was eating. I had egg salad and a banana for lunch. Yea, not a good combination, but the texture was the easiest to eat & swallow. I coughed for a long time, I thought I was going to be sick.
I then had a bad headache and spoke to one of the nurses (who is my friend also) at work and I had her check my head because the right side of the back of my head felt like I had a lump, turns out, my head is swollen. Then tonight, my friend Susan who is also a nurse, checked it and said that the right side was definitely swollen. It hurts so bad, I hate that no matter what I take, nothing helps! I am so tired of complaining about it, that I actually don't complain much all day, I just keep it to myself, but I know others can see me struggling. My stuttering is really getting bad too. OH & forget about my Memory, hello, what memory? I forget so many things that I shouldn't forget! I know the last few months I have forgotten some very important appointments and stuff but I just can't help it! The pressure in my head is so bad.
So, I didn't eat too much today. Pineapple & watermelon for breakfast, and then the banana & egg salad for lunch and then 2 pieces of string cheese. Other than that, not eating a lot right now, but I am trying. I really am. Being down the 26.5 lbs is awesome, and I know it will stay off, but this much, this fast is not on purpose, I can't help that it's coming off a lot more lately, it's because I have not been able to eat.
Well today my very good friend & coworker & lifestyle change buddy, had to put her precious baby girl dog Shelby to sleep! My heart aches for all of them. Shelby was 13 years old and had cancer. Julie got her for graduation. I feel so bad! RIP SHELBY!!!!
Hope you all have a great night!
Godspeed...
Jenn
- Louisa May Alcott
So I totally should have stayed in bed today. I got to work and forgot my glasses so work was really difficult today! I am on the computer for 8 hours a day and have to read stuff to people at times & boy was that difficult!! I did find them when I got home though! So I have them on now! My eyesight is getting so bad! It's horrible. I have always had such great sight, that I have no idea what has happened.
Then throughout the day I got a little freaked out, ok a lot freaked out because my choking was really bad while I was eating. I had egg salad and a banana for lunch. Yea, not a good combination, but the texture was the easiest to eat & swallow. I coughed for a long time, I thought I was going to be sick.
I then had a bad headache and spoke to one of the nurses (who is my friend also) at work and I had her check my head because the right side of the back of my head felt like I had a lump, turns out, my head is swollen. Then tonight, my friend Susan who is also a nurse, checked it and said that the right side was definitely swollen. It hurts so bad, I hate that no matter what I take, nothing helps! I am so tired of complaining about it, that I actually don't complain much all day, I just keep it to myself, but I know others can see me struggling. My stuttering is really getting bad too. OH & forget about my Memory, hello, what memory? I forget so many things that I shouldn't forget! I know the last few months I have forgotten some very important appointments and stuff but I just can't help it! The pressure in my head is so bad.
So, I didn't eat too much today. Pineapple & watermelon for breakfast, and then the banana & egg salad for lunch and then 2 pieces of string cheese. Other than that, not eating a lot right now, but I am trying. I really am. Being down the 26.5 lbs is awesome, and I know it will stay off, but this much, this fast is not on purpose, I can't help that it's coming off a lot more lately, it's because I have not been able to eat.
Well today my very good friend & coworker & lifestyle change buddy, had to put her precious baby girl dog Shelby to sleep! My heart aches for all of them. Shelby was 13 years old and had cancer. Julie got her for graduation. I feel so bad! RIP SHELBY!!!!
Hope you all have a great night!
Godspeed...
Jenn
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Guess how much I'm down....................Can't even believe it
The way you get meaning into your life
is to devote yourself to loving others,
devote yourself to your community around you,
and devote yourself to creating something
that gives you purpose and meaning
- Mitch Albom
So I got to thinking of this quote I just put up. And it's so true life has so much meaning when we devote ourselves to God and to others! God should be first and foremost. But Lexi and then my boyfriend have always been next because when you love the people closest to you, and you commit and devote yourself to them, your life has so much more meaning. We like to do things that to make others happy. Especially those closest to us, and our family (parents, siblings & of course our closest friends). I am a very loyal person, and I have a very select few that I trust outside of my family more than others. It's not because they have done something, or anything like that, it's just because there are just some people we are closer too! Anyway, sometimes we need to stop and think about how much we are devoting to others, and see if we have some how lost ourselves in the process. It's so easy to do.
Let me use a hypothetical example. How many of us lose our own self worth or happiness because we want our spouse or significant other to be happy? When I stop to think about it, I'd be willing to give up the man I love with all my heart, not because I don't love him, but because I want him to be truly happy. And if that is not with me, then as devastating as I would be, I don't want him to stay with me and be miserable. (HYPOTHETICAL, NOT ACTUAL EXAMPLE), because then we would all be miserable. But how many of us do that?
Then it got me thinking about my weight issues that I have always had. I thought, when I was miserable, I always gained weight! Instead of ending the relationships in the past whether it be a boyfriend, or a friend, I kept staying in that "Relationship" because I didn't want to make someone unhappy, so I ate my way through my unhappiness. I figured if I gained enough weight, well then "He would not love me any more and he would leave" I know, I know, CRAZY!!! But that is what I did & how I thought! So, at this stage in my life, I am thinking about WHAT I WANT. What makes ME Happy and the other people around me, and if something doesn't work, then we either need to work on it & fix it, or move on..... I am too old to be miserable, too old to make someone else feel they need to be in something if they really don't. I am a survivor, I have survived so much in my life, and I am working so hard on ME now, and NO ONE, is going to get in the way of me getting to my goal! So, this time around, I am thinking before I put food in my mouth, thinking and learning to stop and think before I say something to someone, because I am the type of person that sometimes when I am hurt, "I GO FOR THE JUGGLER" It's a part of who I am and I am really trying to change that. I am not perfect, but I am really trying... This past year had been a huge learning experience for me. I chose to walk away from a few friends, because they just went down different paths in life than I was on. It does not mean I hate them or anything, but I am tired of that "Misery loves company" And I hate to be judged, so I decided to walk away. Do I miss them? No, I don't wish them any ill feelings or anything, but I so don't need people like that in mylife, and for once I realized it's ok. I don't have to be friends with someone because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I'm so over that!
Anyway, so, with my weight loss, there are weeks that a little more comes off than others, and that is partly because of the Chiari Malformation. As of late, I am having a really hard time swallowing certain textures of food. It makes me feel like I am choking. I LOVE APPLES, skin & all, and tonight during dinner, I started gagging on the apple skin, I just could not swallow it, so I had to peel it. I know, that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you ate them on Friday, and didn't have a problem eating the skin & then today being Sunday and I can't swallow them, that makes it very concerning that some of my issues are getting worse quicker. I am so glad I am going to the Neurologist on Wednesday morning. They will schedule me for my MRI, and then with the neurosurgeon. And Hopefully soon, I will have some relief from this torture!!! This really is torture, and although, YES I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE LOST 26 1/2 Lbs so far. Yup, I am not going to weigh myself again until Friday morning, but I did weigh myself again this morning. I wanted to see how much more I had lost since I have not been eating a lot. Again, it's not because I don't want to, it is because I am either not hungry or my gag re fluxes with eating certain foods is getting worse, therefore making me unable to eat.
So, although I am happy at my weight loss, I know I need to really pay attention to what I put in my mouth! I did eat pineapple chunks and watermelon chunks for breakfast/lunch, earlier I had 2 cups of coffee, and then later on had the fruit. Then for dinner I had a burger & a half, (Which I had to force myself to eat) and so with pineapples, and some fries, with avocado, and an apple. I know, that's not alot to eat in a day. Still no bread, no grains, I wanted a pretzel today but that passed as quick as the urge came. Actually when I broke off a piece of pretzel and gave it to my dog, It actually made me gag at the thought of eating it. So that was good! I really am not craving anything other than my potato chips, which passes real quickly too!
Well I have got to get my butt in gear and get ready for the week. I was hoping to see a little bit of snow today and maybe a delay tomorrow, but no such luck!! Oh well...
If you have off for Presidents Day, I hope you enjoy your day off.
I'll be back tomorrow.
Godspeed!
Jenn
is to devote yourself to loving others,
devote yourself to your community around you,
and devote yourself to creating something
that gives you purpose and meaning
- Mitch Albom
So I got to thinking of this quote I just put up. And it's so true life has so much meaning when we devote ourselves to God and to others! God should be first and foremost. But Lexi and then my boyfriend have always been next because when you love the people closest to you, and you commit and devote yourself to them, your life has so much more meaning. We like to do things that to make others happy. Especially those closest to us, and our family (parents, siblings & of course our closest friends). I am a very loyal person, and I have a very select few that I trust outside of my family more than others. It's not because they have done something, or anything like that, it's just because there are just some people we are closer too! Anyway, sometimes we need to stop and think about how much we are devoting to others, and see if we have some how lost ourselves in the process. It's so easy to do.
Let me use a hypothetical example. How many of us lose our own self worth or happiness because we want our spouse or significant other to be happy? When I stop to think about it, I'd be willing to give up the man I love with all my heart, not because I don't love him, but because I want him to be truly happy. And if that is not with me, then as devastating as I would be, I don't want him to stay with me and be miserable. (HYPOTHETICAL, NOT ACTUAL EXAMPLE), because then we would all be miserable. But how many of us do that?
Then it got me thinking about my weight issues that I have always had. I thought, when I was miserable, I always gained weight! Instead of ending the relationships in the past whether it be a boyfriend, or a friend, I kept staying in that "Relationship" because I didn't want to make someone unhappy, so I ate my way through my unhappiness. I figured if I gained enough weight, well then "He would not love me any more and he would leave" I know, I know, CRAZY!!! But that is what I did & how I thought! So, at this stage in my life, I am thinking about WHAT I WANT. What makes ME Happy and the other people around me, and if something doesn't work, then we either need to work on it & fix it, or move on..... I am too old to be miserable, too old to make someone else feel they need to be in something if they really don't. I am a survivor, I have survived so much in my life, and I am working so hard on ME now, and NO ONE, is going to get in the way of me getting to my goal! So, this time around, I am thinking before I put food in my mouth, thinking and learning to stop and think before I say something to someone, because I am the type of person that sometimes when I am hurt, "I GO FOR THE JUGGLER" It's a part of who I am and I am really trying to change that. I am not perfect, but I am really trying... This past year had been a huge learning experience for me. I chose to walk away from a few friends, because they just went down different paths in life than I was on. It does not mean I hate them or anything, but I am tired of that "Misery loves company" And I hate to be judged, so I decided to walk away. Do I miss them? No, I don't wish them any ill feelings or anything, but I so don't need people like that in mylife, and for once I realized it's ok. I don't have to be friends with someone because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I'm so over that!
Anyway, so, with my weight loss, there are weeks that a little more comes off than others, and that is partly because of the Chiari Malformation. As of late, I am having a really hard time swallowing certain textures of food. It makes me feel like I am choking. I LOVE APPLES, skin & all, and tonight during dinner, I started gagging on the apple skin, I just could not swallow it, so I had to peel it. I know, that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you ate them on Friday, and didn't have a problem eating the skin & then today being Sunday and I can't swallow them, that makes it very concerning that some of my issues are getting worse quicker. I am so glad I am going to the Neurologist on Wednesday morning. They will schedule me for my MRI, and then with the neurosurgeon. And Hopefully soon, I will have some relief from this torture!!! This really is torture, and although, YES I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE LOST 26 1/2 Lbs so far. Yup, I am not going to weigh myself again until Friday morning, but I did weigh myself again this morning. I wanted to see how much more I had lost since I have not been eating a lot. Again, it's not because I don't want to, it is because I am either not hungry or my gag re fluxes with eating certain foods is getting worse, therefore making me unable to eat.
So, although I am happy at my weight loss, I know I need to really pay attention to what I put in my mouth! I did eat pineapple chunks and watermelon chunks for breakfast/lunch, earlier I had 2 cups of coffee, and then later on had the fruit. Then for dinner I had a burger & a half, (Which I had to force myself to eat) and so with pineapples, and some fries, with avocado, and an apple. I know, that's not alot to eat in a day. Still no bread, no grains, I wanted a pretzel today but that passed as quick as the urge came. Actually when I broke off a piece of pretzel and gave it to my dog, It actually made me gag at the thought of eating it. So that was good! I really am not craving anything other than my potato chips, which passes real quickly too!
Well I have got to get my butt in gear and get ready for the week. I was hoping to see a little bit of snow today and maybe a delay tomorrow, but no such luck!! Oh well...
If you have off for Presidents Day, I hope you enjoy your day off.
I'll be back tomorrow.
Godspeed!
Jenn
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Saturday....got a lot accomplished
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
So they are saying we may get some snow?? It was almost 65 degrees today so this storm should be interesting.
I did so much cleaning today. I have had a lot on my mind and it's really amazing how much you can get done when you are thinking!! I ended up hitting my head and almost knocked myself out. My perception is off. I didn't realize I was as close to the wall as I was. But boy does my house look & smell clean! I LOVE IT!! I had 2 cups of coffee and then a bit of peanut butter before I ran out the door for church.
I went to church to the early service actually & sat with my friend Kris. We have not seen each other in a while, so it was good to catch up. I miss her very much. We used to hang out almost every day, but with the kids in school & both of us working, we hardly ever get to see each other. It was great to catch up with her, then I ran into someone who I met when Lexi was 3. Her son Tanner & Lexi took gymnastics together! So, she & I will connect and hopefully get together. She is in the medical field too!
Then I went to my friends house for dinner, we had chicken salad with grapes, egg salad, and cucumber wedges with ranch dressing. It was nice that my dinner was healthy and all things I eat! I didn't stay late as I wasn't feeling good. So as you can tell, I did not eat a lot and haven't been lately! I constantly feel like I am choking, even when I am not eating. When I swallow my siliva, or even have a drink. I feel like I am choking. It is party of the Chiari, so it's very difficult. Today I had a lot of numbness in my right arm, and the right side of my face was twitching a lot! Uggg,
I came home, and my other good friend & neighbor called so I went down to her house, then we went grocery shopping. Then I hung back at her house for a while, and then came home.
Been text with another friend all night, and now I'm writing on here & then going to bed! Have so much to do tomorrow. Need to finish folding laundry and then get Lexi at 5. I can't wait to see her! I dropped her off last night and have not seen her since. She did text me to tell me she was having a great time! Which I knew she would!
Well I am exhausted. I hope everyone had a great evening.
Godspeed!
Jenn
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
So they are saying we may get some snow?? It was almost 65 degrees today so this storm should be interesting.
I did so much cleaning today. I have had a lot on my mind and it's really amazing how much you can get done when you are thinking!! I ended up hitting my head and almost knocked myself out. My perception is off. I didn't realize I was as close to the wall as I was. But boy does my house look & smell clean! I LOVE IT!! I had 2 cups of coffee and then a bit of peanut butter before I ran out the door for church.
I went to church to the early service actually & sat with my friend Kris. We have not seen each other in a while, so it was good to catch up. I miss her very much. We used to hang out almost every day, but with the kids in school & both of us working, we hardly ever get to see each other. It was great to catch up with her, then I ran into someone who I met when Lexi was 3. Her son Tanner & Lexi took gymnastics together! So, she & I will connect and hopefully get together. She is in the medical field too!
Then I went to my friends house for dinner, we had chicken salad with grapes, egg salad, and cucumber wedges with ranch dressing. It was nice that my dinner was healthy and all things I eat! I didn't stay late as I wasn't feeling good. So as you can tell, I did not eat a lot and haven't been lately! I constantly feel like I am choking, even when I am not eating. When I swallow my siliva, or even have a drink. I feel like I am choking. It is party of the Chiari, so it's very difficult. Today I had a lot of numbness in my right arm, and the right side of my face was twitching a lot! Uggg,
I came home, and my other good friend & neighbor called so I went down to her house, then we went grocery shopping. Then I hung back at her house for a while, and then came home.
Been text with another friend all night, and now I'm writing on here & then going to bed! Have so much to do tomorrow. Need to finish folding laundry and then get Lexi at 5. I can't wait to see her! I dropped her off last night and have not seen her since. She did text me to tell me she was having a great time! Which I knew she would!
Well I am exhausted. I hope everyone had a great evening.
Godspeed!
Jenn
Friday, February 17, 2012
the weightloss continues
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
- Anonymous
Well I made a mistake last night when I weighed myself.... I have actually lost 24 1/2 lbs! I am so increidbly proud of myself. YES, I am saying it! I am working really hard at it, now if I could get motivated to work out more, that would be even better. That will come because I have got to really train hard for my half marathon at Disney next year.
Well tonight's post is going to be short. Lexi is away and I would like to get into some mischief. LOL
I didn't really eat too much today! I had 2 hard boiled eggs, and I had a salad with green beans & chicken in it. I have not been eating as much as I should. I think my illness is really taking a toll on me. I continueously feel like I am going to choke when I eat, so I just don't eat much! I literally have to force myself.
My mood is much better, still stressed, about the symptoms of Chiari Malformation, and all that I have ignored having no clue this was as serious as it was. Been suffering more & more really since October. But hopefully on Wednesday I will get the answers I need, and get the MRI Set up and the the neurosurgeon set up as well. I, of course will keep you all posted.
Well I'm going to end this now. I may not be posting tomorrow. Not sure what my night will bring.
Kim jumped the gun & didn't get the ok from her surgeon to go to Florida with us. She is having surgery on her foot & will not be able to do a lot of walking, Lexi & I are really bummed that she can't come with us, but we will go away together this summer for a few days at the beach!!! :) Kim there's many other years we can go away together!
SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIEND JULIE how hit a huge milestone and lost some more weight, and dropped out of a 10 number, dropping out of numbers is awesome! Like if you go from 160 to 150.... SO PROUD OF YOU JULIE! Keep up the great work!!!
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Godspeed!!
Jenn
- Anonymous
Well I made a mistake last night when I weighed myself.... I have actually lost 24 1/2 lbs! I am so increidbly proud of myself. YES, I am saying it! I am working really hard at it, now if I could get motivated to work out more, that would be even better. That will come because I have got to really train hard for my half marathon at Disney next year.
Well tonight's post is going to be short. Lexi is away and I would like to get into some mischief. LOL
I didn't really eat too much today! I had 2 hard boiled eggs, and I had a salad with green beans & chicken in it. I have not been eating as much as I should. I think my illness is really taking a toll on me. I continueously feel like I am going to choke when I eat, so I just don't eat much! I literally have to force myself.
My mood is much better, still stressed, about the symptoms of Chiari Malformation, and all that I have ignored having no clue this was as serious as it was. Been suffering more & more really since October. But hopefully on Wednesday I will get the answers I need, and get the MRI Set up and the the neurosurgeon set up as well. I, of course will keep you all posted.
Well I'm going to end this now. I may not be posting tomorrow. Not sure what my night will bring.
Kim jumped the gun & didn't get the ok from her surgeon to go to Florida with us. She is having surgery on her foot & will not be able to do a lot of walking, Lexi & I are really bummed that she can't come with us, but we will go away together this summer for a few days at the beach!!! :) Kim there's many other years we can go away together!
SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIEND JULIE how hit a huge milestone and lost some more weight, and dropped out of a 10 number, dropping out of numbers is awesome! Like if you go from 160 to 150.... SO PROUD OF YOU JULIE! Keep up the great work!!!
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Godspeed!!
Jenn
Thursday, February 16, 2012
and another weight loss this week!!! WOO HOO!
Determination, patience and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation.
So, today was a little better. Ok, a lot better to some degree! Life is what you make it, and I decided when I woke up this morning that I was going to give it all I got, Like I usually do, but I was a little quieter at work but I was doing some research on my Chiari Malformation. Ugh, there is so much to learn. So then tonight, I found out, that since I have not had it treated in 12 months or less, that it can not be counted as a preexisting condition, which is awesome!!! That will help me so much.
Today Kim decided she was going to join Lexi. Amber & I on our trip to Florida. Which will be really good, not just because Lexi adores her, but because the 4 of us are going to have a great time. Lexi has Amber and I have Kim to have fun with. So it will be awesome. I am going to get to see some old high school friends, and some old friends from when I lived in Florida and of course meet some new friends that I have made through other friends. YAY!!! So excited.
So, some of you know me really well, and some of you don't know me well at all. I have been very depressed, but I want to assure everyone, that I would NEVER entertain the thought of hurting myself. NO MATTER HOW bad life gets for me, GIVING UP, and hurting myself WILL NEVER BE AN OPTION! I LOVE MY LIFE, with the good, bad & the ugly! And let me tell you, I have had lots of ugly lately!
When I post here, it's where I lay it all out. I beat up on myself and I pick myself back up! I reread my posts all the time because I can't always remember what I wrote! So rest assured, I WILL NEVER HURT MYSELF!!! Thank you for the concerns, but I am really ok! I wake up every day, and Thank God that I am awake, even in the pain I am in....God has a plan for me, and my daughter is the reason I get up and get moving every day! I would never quit! QUITTERS NEVER WIN!!!!
So, today my food intake, I had 3 hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I ran out of fruit and didn't have time to go get any. Then for lunch I had a jr cheeseburger on a plate, no bun of course and a baked potato, then for dinner, I had grilled chicken in garlic, on a flour wrap and put lettuce on it, and had some green beans. Now, the wrap should have been lettuce and not the flour wrap, but I wanted it so I had it! NO I am not quitting my program. I just felt like having something so I did. I figured I have had a headache, (not a migraine) for a few days, so why not just have it! It was 170 calories so that wasn't too bad. I am considering going to gluten free, so I have to see how it goes! I will tell you, YES I got a stronger headache after eating the wrap! NO doubt! So I know I definitely must have a wheat & gluten allergy. Well I'll be taking care of that soon enough.
Oh and I forgot, I lost another 2 lbs this week, bringing my loss to 23 1/2 lbs loss! WOO HOO! YAY ME!!!
GODSPEED!!!!
Jenn
So, today was a little better. Ok, a lot better to some degree! Life is what you make it, and I decided when I woke up this morning that I was going to give it all I got, Like I usually do, but I was a little quieter at work but I was doing some research on my Chiari Malformation. Ugh, there is so much to learn. So then tonight, I found out, that since I have not had it treated in 12 months or less, that it can not be counted as a preexisting condition, which is awesome!!! That will help me so much.
Today Kim decided she was going to join Lexi. Amber & I on our trip to Florida. Which will be really good, not just because Lexi adores her, but because the 4 of us are going to have a great time. Lexi has Amber and I have Kim to have fun with. So it will be awesome. I am going to get to see some old high school friends, and some old friends from when I lived in Florida and of course meet some new friends that I have made through other friends. YAY!!! So excited.
So, some of you know me really well, and some of you don't know me well at all. I have been very depressed, but I want to assure everyone, that I would NEVER entertain the thought of hurting myself. NO MATTER HOW bad life gets for me, GIVING UP, and hurting myself WILL NEVER BE AN OPTION! I LOVE MY LIFE, with the good, bad & the ugly! And let me tell you, I have had lots of ugly lately!
When I post here, it's where I lay it all out. I beat up on myself and I pick myself back up! I reread my posts all the time because I can't always remember what I wrote! So rest assured, I WILL NEVER HURT MYSELF!!! Thank you for the concerns, but I am really ok! I wake up every day, and Thank God that I am awake, even in the pain I am in....God has a plan for me, and my daughter is the reason I get up and get moving every day! I would never quit! QUITTERS NEVER WIN!!!!
So, today my food intake, I had 3 hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I ran out of fruit and didn't have time to go get any. Then for lunch I had a jr cheeseburger on a plate, no bun of course and a baked potato, then for dinner, I had grilled chicken in garlic, on a flour wrap and put lettuce on it, and had some green beans. Now, the wrap should have been lettuce and not the flour wrap, but I wanted it so I had it! NO I am not quitting my program. I just felt like having something so I did. I figured I have had a headache, (not a migraine) for a few days, so why not just have it! It was 170 calories so that wasn't too bad. I am considering going to gluten free, so I have to see how it goes! I will tell you, YES I got a stronger headache after eating the wrap! NO doubt! So I know I definitely must have a wheat & gluten allergy. Well I'll be taking care of that soon enough.
Oh and I forgot, I lost another 2 lbs this week, bringing my loss to 23 1/2 lbs loss! WOO HOO! YAY ME!!!
GODSPEED!!!!
Jenn
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Having such a hard time eating lately
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig
Well I have tried to write this now twice and keep doing something that causes the page to go completely blank! BOY it's just one of those days.
Let's start with my food. Today I had 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast, and then I had an apple with peanut butter and then a banana a bit later. I came home hoping to make some soup but when I looked in the closet there was none and I was so disappointed and I hadn't taken anything else out so I passed on dinner. Besides I wasn't really hungry anyway.
I have been struggling lately between stress with my health and just life in general. Today was so hard to get out of bed. It has nothing to do with my eating. My headache was bad, it was not a migraine either. I didn't take anything last night, I figured I'd sleep it off, and woke up this morning worse, and wished I could just keep my eyes closed and not get up! Some days it's so incredibly hard to open my eyes and get out of bed. And I got up, and I pushed myself through the day. I really would have preferred to stay in bed and hide out. I did take my migraine meds in hopes that I could have some relief, but that didn't happen. Not a drop of relief. I smiled when I spoke to my patients, and when my friend Jenn P, did something at work, she made me LOL, but other than that, I don't think I laughed all day. I cried off & on all day! I just have days like this.
No one understands what it's like to have days where you don't remember a conversation or anything like that & this THING I have, this Chiari Malformation, is really affecting my thinking, and my whole cognitive thinking. It's scary and unless I type it out & reread it, I can't get out what I am going through. The only way I can describe it is, that I feel like I have Alzheimer's, (God forbid) It's not all the time, but I think the stress I'm under, has really affected it drastically. It also affects my vision when I have the headaches, it makes it very hard to see.
This whole thing is just really scary, but I am doing everything possible to not let it affect me to where I sabotage myself with this program. There are so many other things that are happening to me with the stress, and stuff. It's just not worth complaining about right now.
To be honest. I am feeling incredibly alone, and although I have so many people in my life, NO ONE understands this. HELL I don't even understand it. I am tired not being me the last few months, and no one gets it!
Ok, so I am sitting here & really need to just go to bed! Other than Lexi, the other person that I love with all my heart deserves more than someone like me! I have so much baggage and so much Stuff!!! Some days it's just really hard!! And it's just easier to push people away. I know when the damage is done, I won't be able to fix it. But honestly, there are some things, I just really can't help & I just need to hide...
I need to just go to sleep!
Tomorrows another day!
Godspeed!!
Jenn
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig
Well I have tried to write this now twice and keep doing something that causes the page to go completely blank! BOY it's just one of those days.
Let's start with my food. Today I had 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast, and then I had an apple with peanut butter and then a banana a bit later. I came home hoping to make some soup but when I looked in the closet there was none and I was so disappointed and I hadn't taken anything else out so I passed on dinner. Besides I wasn't really hungry anyway.
I have been struggling lately between stress with my health and just life in general. Today was so hard to get out of bed. It has nothing to do with my eating. My headache was bad, it was not a migraine either. I didn't take anything last night, I figured I'd sleep it off, and woke up this morning worse, and wished I could just keep my eyes closed and not get up! Some days it's so incredibly hard to open my eyes and get out of bed. And I got up, and I pushed myself through the day. I really would have preferred to stay in bed and hide out. I did take my migraine meds in hopes that I could have some relief, but that didn't happen. Not a drop of relief. I smiled when I spoke to my patients, and when my friend Jenn P, did something at work, she made me LOL, but other than that, I don't think I laughed all day. I cried off & on all day! I just have days like this.
No one understands what it's like to have days where you don't remember a conversation or anything like that & this THING I have, this Chiari Malformation, is really affecting my thinking, and my whole cognitive thinking. It's scary and unless I type it out & reread it, I can't get out what I am going through. The only way I can describe it is, that I feel like I have Alzheimer's, (God forbid) It's not all the time, but I think the stress I'm under, has really affected it drastically. It also affects my vision when I have the headaches, it makes it very hard to see.
This whole thing is just really scary, but I am doing everything possible to not let it affect me to where I sabotage myself with this program. There are so many other things that are happening to me with the stress, and stuff. It's just not worth complaining about right now.
To be honest. I am feeling incredibly alone, and although I have so many people in my life, NO ONE understands this. HELL I don't even understand it. I am tired not being me the last few months, and no one gets it!
Ok, so I am sitting here & really need to just go to bed! Other than Lexi, the other person that I love with all my heart deserves more than someone like me! I have so much baggage and so much Stuff!!! Some days it's just really hard!! And it's just easier to push people away. I know when the damage is done, I won't be able to fix it. But honestly, there are some things, I just really can't help & I just need to hide...
I need to just go to sleep!
Tomorrows another day!
Godspeed!!
Jenn
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Today's challenge-almost fainting after the biopsy
Lord help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today, that you and I together, can't handle.
That is a prayer I say all the time. It gets me through some of the toughest times in my life! My parents have a plaque that they got years ago & I just love it! I think I'm going to put it on my wall in my living room using my cricut machine & some vinyl. I love it... that much... :)
So, today I went for my biopsy on the mole on the back of my neck. The Dr was really nice, and we were talking while she was removing it, but then all of a sudden, she said something and I thought I was going to throw up and pass out at the same time & told her. So she laid the chair down I was sitting on, put cold compresses on my neck & forehead, and called for a nurse! It was so comical, only me! I didn't feel like it while she was removing it but afterwards, come on? I was actually embarrassed. I didn't get sick though, I just have a queasy stomach.
So, she doesn't think it's any form of cancer, THANK YOU GOD!!! But she still had to send it off to biopsy it. She did tell me not to lose sleep over it, which is good! So I won't. I have enough other stuff going on.
Today, my food intake because of my nerves was not too good. I had an apple with peanut butter, and then I had left over chicken cutlets and asparagus, and then I had a beer and a protein bar! Nice combination.
I am really tired, and coming down from all the stress of the last few days.
got some major stuff coming up.
So, I will say good night!
Oh, I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day! Mine was different.
My boyfriend lives in another state, my guy friend who knows i love Tinkerbell, went to Disney to get his pic taken with Tink and then they sent me pixie dust well wishes. which was just so sweet. Oh and then he posted it to my face book wall! Which was even sweeter!!!
I also got some text messages from an old boyfriend who I have been friends with on Facebook for the last year or so, and he texts me to tell me how much he loved me, and missed me, wanted to come see me, and how "I was the one that got away!" He has told me this before, and it's very sweet! So my Valentine's Day was very different!
Life is very full, and I am so incredibly blessed!
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
Godspeed!
Jenn
That is a prayer I say all the time. It gets me through some of the toughest times in my life! My parents have a plaque that they got years ago & I just love it! I think I'm going to put it on my wall in my living room using my cricut machine & some vinyl. I love it... that much... :)
So, today I went for my biopsy on the mole on the back of my neck. The Dr was really nice, and we were talking while she was removing it, but then all of a sudden, she said something and I thought I was going to throw up and pass out at the same time & told her. So she laid the chair down I was sitting on, put cold compresses on my neck & forehead, and called for a nurse! It was so comical, only me! I didn't feel like it while she was removing it but afterwards, come on? I was actually embarrassed. I didn't get sick though, I just have a queasy stomach.
So, she doesn't think it's any form of cancer, THANK YOU GOD!!! But she still had to send it off to biopsy it. She did tell me not to lose sleep over it, which is good! So I won't. I have enough other stuff going on.
Today, my food intake because of my nerves was not too good. I had an apple with peanut butter, and then I had left over chicken cutlets and asparagus, and then I had a beer and a protein bar! Nice combination.
I am really tired, and coming down from all the stress of the last few days.
got some major stuff coming up.
So, I will say good night!
Oh, I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day! Mine was different.
My boyfriend lives in another state, my guy friend who knows i love Tinkerbell, went to Disney to get his pic taken with Tink and then they sent me pixie dust well wishes. which was just so sweet. Oh and then he posted it to my face book wall! Which was even sweeter!!!
I also got some text messages from an old boyfriend who I have been friends with on Facebook for the last year or so, and he texts me to tell me how much he loved me, and missed me, wanted to come see me, and how "I was the one that got away!" He has told me this before, and it's very sweet! So my Valentine's Day was very different!
Life is very full, and I am so incredibly blessed!
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Monday, February 13, 2012
Monday..... Oh tomorrow is my biopsy day..... so not happy about it
A friend is someone who won't stop
until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South
Oh well today was another weird day, I have mixed feelings about certain things in my life. I'm going for my biopsy tomorrow. I must say, I am scared to death! Not for even having the biopsy, it's the waiting afterwards. OMG, I have NEVER had to have this done before. So glad I am leaving work and picking up my Mom to go with me for support and to drive home if I am unable to drive. I'm sure I will be fine. Just freaked out.
I have survived much worse. And I have so much going on, that this should be the least of my worries.
Tonights post is going to be short! My thoughts are all over the place.
I did do well with my food today. I had a banana & 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast, for lunch I had left over cheesy chicken & broccoli, and then I had an apple with some peanut butter. For dinner I had chicken cutlets with asparagus. YUM! It was really good.
Tomorrow is going to be here before I know it, so I'm going to bed!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!
GODSPEED!!
Jenn
until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South
Oh well today was another weird day, I have mixed feelings about certain things in my life. I'm going for my biopsy tomorrow. I must say, I am scared to death! Not for even having the biopsy, it's the waiting afterwards. OMG, I have NEVER had to have this done before. So glad I am leaving work and picking up my Mom to go with me for support and to drive home if I am unable to drive. I'm sure I will be fine. Just freaked out.
I have survived much worse. And I have so much going on, that this should be the least of my worries.
Tonights post is going to be short! My thoughts are all over the place.
I did do well with my food today. I had a banana & 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast, for lunch I had left over cheesy chicken & broccoli, and then I had an apple with some peanut butter. For dinner I had chicken cutlets with asparagus. YUM! It was really good.
Tomorrow is going to be here before I know it, so I'm going to bed!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!
GODSPEED!!
Jenn
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Can't believe the weekend is over
Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.
- Robert Foster Bennett
This statement is so true. How often do we make choices whether consciously or unconsiously that may not always be the right ones? I know for me the one aspect that I never took complete control in a positive way was my weight. There are so many times, I was so close to the success of "MY GOAL WEIGHT" not anyone elses goal for my weight.
It's something I struggle with every day. Before I put anything into my mouth I think about it first. I used to just eat when I was sad, when I was happy, whenever there was a reason to celebrate I ate. That is how I dealt with life. Not anymore.
I no longer eat much! Which is not smart, but I can't help it. It's kind of weird. I get really nauseous now. When I'm stressed I can't eat. I have to learn how to have a happy medium where I eat when I need to eat, not because I want to eat. I NO LONGER LIVE TO EAT, I EAT TO LIVE! I eat what I need too, to get by.
I am not losing weight as quickly as I would like. I know, I didn't put it on in a month, and although it feels like I did at times, I know I didn't so I know it won't come off in a month! I should be so happy with 21.5 lbs. I am, but I have so much more I want to lose. I would like to lose another 73.5 lbs. To hit a total of 100 lbs. I have a feeling that is probably too much, but that is my goal at this point. I know it's going to take me a good year or so to get it off and adding a lot of exercise will help.
Today I had a banana for breakfast, for lunch I had some left over cheesy chicken & broccoli casserole and for dinner I had some eggplant parm. It was really good & I didn't eat an over abundance of it, I ate just enough, and was still full & I didn't have anything else tonight and I am still full & I ate at about 6. Maybe a little before. I went to a friends house. It had bread crumbs on it & I did ok with it. I have a slight headache, nothing too bad. SO I'm thinking that I need to stay away from bread crumbs too! I have stayed away from it, but I felt like trying it.
I also made hard boiled eggs to eat for breakfast with my banana or apples because I was finding myself hungry when I didn't eat them & I was much more successful the first few weeks eating more eggs. But I got a little burnt out on them as I was eating them too much. Although I did have more energy and was not craving sugar.
The rest of my evening was pretty quiet. Had cell phone issues, and computer issues, I am almost ready to get rid of my smart phone & go back to the bare minimum and just have no smart phone, because smart phones are not that SMART! LOL
Ok, I need to get off this computer.
Hope you all have a great night!
Godspeed!
Jenn
- Robert Foster Bennett
This statement is so true. How often do we make choices whether consciously or unconsiously that may not always be the right ones? I know for me the one aspect that I never took complete control in a positive way was my weight. There are so many times, I was so close to the success of "MY GOAL WEIGHT" not anyone elses goal for my weight.
It's something I struggle with every day. Before I put anything into my mouth I think about it first. I used to just eat when I was sad, when I was happy, whenever there was a reason to celebrate I ate. That is how I dealt with life. Not anymore.
I no longer eat much! Which is not smart, but I can't help it. It's kind of weird. I get really nauseous now. When I'm stressed I can't eat. I have to learn how to have a happy medium where I eat when I need to eat, not because I want to eat. I NO LONGER LIVE TO EAT, I EAT TO LIVE! I eat what I need too, to get by.
I am not losing weight as quickly as I would like. I know, I didn't put it on in a month, and although it feels like I did at times, I know I didn't so I know it won't come off in a month! I should be so happy with 21.5 lbs. I am, but I have so much more I want to lose. I would like to lose another 73.5 lbs. To hit a total of 100 lbs. I have a feeling that is probably too much, but that is my goal at this point. I know it's going to take me a good year or so to get it off and adding a lot of exercise will help.
Today I had a banana for breakfast, for lunch I had some left over cheesy chicken & broccoli casserole and for dinner I had some eggplant parm. It was really good & I didn't eat an over abundance of it, I ate just enough, and was still full & I didn't have anything else tonight and I am still full & I ate at about 6. Maybe a little before. I went to a friends house. It had bread crumbs on it & I did ok with it. I have a slight headache, nothing too bad. SO I'm thinking that I need to stay away from bread crumbs too! I have stayed away from it, but I felt like trying it.
I also made hard boiled eggs to eat for breakfast with my banana or apples because I was finding myself hungry when I didn't eat them & I was much more successful the first few weeks eating more eggs. But I got a little burnt out on them as I was eating them too much. Although I did have more energy and was not craving sugar.
The rest of my evening was pretty quiet. Had cell phone issues, and computer issues, I am almost ready to get rid of my smart phone & go back to the bare minimum and just have no smart phone, because smart phones are not that SMART! LOL
Ok, I need to get off this computer.
Hope you all have a great night!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Feeling like the life was sucked out of me today
Sometimes our light goes out but
is blown into flame by another human being.
Each of us owes deepest thanks
to those who have rekindled this light.
- Albert Schweitzer
I'm thinking that I am feeling like the life has been sucked out of me because I am very stressed about having this biopsy on Tuesday afternoon. I will go to work and then my Mom will take me for it. I am so freaked out though! It will pass. Just the thought of them cutting something off my body freaks me out & then the blood, I so don't do blood at all.
I work with nurses and someone overheard me talking to my doctors office about having Chiari Malformation, and let me tell you, I am so freaked out. I'm going to write about it on here, because there are other's who are born with it as well. Chiari Malformation is when your skull doesn't close right and the tonsil of the brain "falls out" (if you will) of the bottom of your skull. Now, I was diagnosed with this a few years ago. I was 39 to be exact. But now that I am having to have this biopsy where this malformation is, I'm so freaked out!
One of the nurses came over and told me how serious this was & how did my doctors just let me walk around with it and not offer me a solution, especially when I was diagnosed, my symptoms were so bad. I was showing signs of all kinds of different things, then they subsided. But now all the symptoms have come back, and some are worse than others. However, I have kept quiet about it to everyone, because I am so tired of complaining so I have been suffering in silence. Anyway, I'm freaked out because my friend Julie who is a nurse, told me that if I go on a roller coaster, I could end up with brain damage or worse. that my neck could snap at any moment! She told me about a patient who died from it, but there were extenuating circumstances. needless to say, I am really freaked out and although, some may feel this is not life threatening, it really is if I am not careful & what freaks me out the most, is that I had been misdiagnosed for so many years, and the neurologist felt that when I was 39 brain surgery was really not something I should do because I was just showing symptoms of it. And he did not make me think this was something I needed to keep an eye on & so forth! But now, that I am armed with all kinds of information, I'll be going to the neurologist, having another MRI & seeing a neuro-surgeon for his opinion!
This is not something I am going to decide over night, but I have been misdiagnosed & felt like I was insane for so long! I truly felt like I was losing my mind a lot of the time. My friend/coworker Wendy told me she had it, and had the same symptoms, some of the same diagnoses that I did and she had the brain surgery. Her scar is NOT pretty, but her hair hides it. But she said the effects that weren't permanent went away and she is doing great! She had the surgery many years ago, and that it was the best thing she ever did!
I'm definitely not going to ignore this. I definitely have to talk to the Drs, and see what is best for me. Every situation is different.
I have in the past, had lots of complications to surgeries I have had, so this is not something I'm doing tomorrow, or next week for that matter. I need to see how much worse it has gotten in the last 4 years.
Well today was a quiet day for the most part. I haven't been feeling too well, so I stayed very quiet. I chatted with a few friends online. But one in particular stuck out in my head. First let me say, when I was at my doctors appt yesterday Stephenie told me what an inspiration I am to her & so many others. It was so nice to hear that! She said that I Needed to learn to take a compliment, and say Thank you, and that I needed to learn what I wanted to accept but to remember what I am worth. And what I really want in life and from a relationship.
So, today, I was talking with a friend, and we were talking about what we wanted in life. I told her that she has to learn to love herself and be happy with herself before she could find that with someone else. We need to be so comfortable and happy with who we are and in our own skin, and then will the right person come along. I really believed that. I don't I'd have ever found the love that I have found if it weren't for that I am learning to be happy with who I am and in my own skin. Don't get me wrong, my life is not perfect. I am not perfect, but when the time is right, the right person will come along. But you definitely don't have to settle for someone who doesn't treat you right or love you the way you should.
So many of us have made bad choices in love, and have settled, but now is the time, to embrace your time to heal and learn to love yourself and what you really like about you, what you love about you, and what makes YOU Happy! NO ONE Else can came you happy! They can just add to your happiness! There is a big difference.
Take the time, and get to know you, heal from that relationship before you think about moving on to another one.
I am learning so much about myself every day. And I have learned to stand on my own 2 feet without a man. Prove to yourself, you don't need to prove to anyone else, that you can do this. Enjoy your time alone, with your kids and just be in the moment, and when the right person comes along you will know. He will love you for you, all of you, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. That my friend is true love.
I am learning to finally take care of myself. It is finally time to take care of my health, and lose this weight and get healthy. That is what I am doing!
A little at a time, and every day, I am learning so much more about myself. Things I never took the time to see.
I didn't eat much today, with being under the weather and stressed. I had an apple with peanut butter, and I also had cheesy chicken/broccoli casserole for dinner. It was really good!
Well I hope you all have a great evening.
Please know I am fine, I am hanging in there! I have lots of support, from my Mom & Dad, and my friends & all the people that love me. Once I get through this biopsy and get the results, and hopefully they will be negative, I will then be ok! Just gotta get through the next couple of days!
Thanks for visiting.
I will be back tomorrow!
Godspeed.
Jenn
is blown into flame by another human being.
Each of us owes deepest thanks
to those who have rekindled this light.
- Albert Schweitzer
I'm thinking that I am feeling like the life has been sucked out of me because I am very stressed about having this biopsy on Tuesday afternoon. I will go to work and then my Mom will take me for it. I am so freaked out though! It will pass. Just the thought of them cutting something off my body freaks me out & then the blood, I so don't do blood at all.
I work with nurses and someone overheard me talking to my doctors office about having Chiari Malformation, and let me tell you, I am so freaked out. I'm going to write about it on here, because there are other's who are born with it as well. Chiari Malformation is when your skull doesn't close right and the tonsil of the brain "falls out" (if you will) of the bottom of your skull. Now, I was diagnosed with this a few years ago. I was 39 to be exact. But now that I am having to have this biopsy where this malformation is, I'm so freaked out!
One of the nurses came over and told me how serious this was & how did my doctors just let me walk around with it and not offer me a solution, especially when I was diagnosed, my symptoms were so bad. I was showing signs of all kinds of different things, then they subsided. But now all the symptoms have come back, and some are worse than others. However, I have kept quiet about it to everyone, because I am so tired of complaining so I have been suffering in silence. Anyway, I'm freaked out because my friend Julie who is a nurse, told me that if I go on a roller coaster, I could end up with brain damage or worse. that my neck could snap at any moment! She told me about a patient who died from it, but there were extenuating circumstances. needless to say, I am really freaked out and although, some may feel this is not life threatening, it really is if I am not careful & what freaks me out the most, is that I had been misdiagnosed for so many years, and the neurologist felt that when I was 39 brain surgery was really not something I should do because I was just showing symptoms of it. And he did not make me think this was something I needed to keep an eye on & so forth! But now, that I am armed with all kinds of information, I'll be going to the neurologist, having another MRI & seeing a neuro-surgeon for his opinion!
This is not something I am going to decide over night, but I have been misdiagnosed & felt like I was insane for so long! I truly felt like I was losing my mind a lot of the time. My friend/coworker Wendy told me she had it, and had the same symptoms, some of the same diagnoses that I did and she had the brain surgery. Her scar is NOT pretty, but her hair hides it. But she said the effects that weren't permanent went away and she is doing great! She had the surgery many years ago, and that it was the best thing she ever did!
I'm definitely not going to ignore this. I definitely have to talk to the Drs, and see what is best for me. Every situation is different.
I have in the past, had lots of complications to surgeries I have had, so this is not something I'm doing tomorrow, or next week for that matter. I need to see how much worse it has gotten in the last 4 years.
Well today was a quiet day for the most part. I haven't been feeling too well, so I stayed very quiet. I chatted with a few friends online. But one in particular stuck out in my head. First let me say, when I was at my doctors appt yesterday Stephenie told me what an inspiration I am to her & so many others. It was so nice to hear that! She said that I Needed to learn to take a compliment, and say Thank you, and that I needed to learn what I wanted to accept but to remember what I am worth. And what I really want in life and from a relationship.
So, today, I was talking with a friend, and we were talking about what we wanted in life. I told her that she has to learn to love herself and be happy with herself before she could find that with someone else. We need to be so comfortable and happy with who we are and in our own skin, and then will the right person come along. I really believed that. I don't I'd have ever found the love that I have found if it weren't for that I am learning to be happy with who I am and in my own skin. Don't get me wrong, my life is not perfect. I am not perfect, but when the time is right, the right person will come along. But you definitely don't have to settle for someone who doesn't treat you right or love you the way you should.
So many of us have made bad choices in love, and have settled, but now is the time, to embrace your time to heal and learn to love yourself and what you really like about you, what you love about you, and what makes YOU Happy! NO ONE Else can came you happy! They can just add to your happiness! There is a big difference.
Take the time, and get to know you, heal from that relationship before you think about moving on to another one.
I am learning so much about myself every day. And I have learned to stand on my own 2 feet without a man. Prove to yourself, you don't need to prove to anyone else, that you can do this. Enjoy your time alone, with your kids and just be in the moment, and when the right person comes along you will know. He will love you for you, all of you, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. That my friend is true love.
I am learning to finally take care of myself. It is finally time to take care of my health, and lose this weight and get healthy. That is what I am doing!
A little at a time, and every day, I am learning so much more about myself. Things I never took the time to see.
I didn't eat much today, with being under the weather and stressed. I had an apple with peanut butter, and I also had cheesy chicken/broccoli casserole for dinner. It was really good!
Well I hope you all have a great evening.
Please know I am fine, I am hanging in there! I have lots of support, from my Mom & Dad, and my friends & all the people that love me. Once I get through this biopsy and get the results, and hopefully they will be negative, I will then be ok! Just gotta get through the next couple of days!
Thanks for visiting.
I will be back tomorrow!
Godspeed.
Jenn
Friday, February 10, 2012
Today was a weird day.......and another half lb lost putting me at -21 1/2 lbs
Yesterday is ashes.
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb
So today started off really weird, I went to the doctors to get my liver test results, and that came back good. I had a mole looked at that has gotten bigger & is discolored an I am having a biopsy on VALENTINE'S DAY! YUP!!! Well I guess it's ok since other than my daughter Lexi, I am not spending Valentine's Day with the man I love....
Ugh, well as the day went on,it got a little weirder..
I have stuff going on that just has my head literally spinning. I stopped and looked around and thought about my life and the decisions I have made. There are so many mistakes I have made, but I would NEVER change anything because each experience has brought me to where I am today! I am a much happier and better person today because of some of my bad choices. It is never to late to change things.
My biggest mistake is not having the confidence in myself to feel like I was worthy of taking care of myself so that I would not have some of the issues I have been struggling with.
As each day moves on, and my weight drops a little more at a time. I find that I am getting so much attention from men. It is really nice and I have to continue to learn how to take a compliment not just from men but from women too! I have such a hard time just saying Thank you! I have to learn "THANK YOU" is enough. I am not going to sabotage myself because of the attention like I have in the past. I am going to take the compliments and use them to my benefit to keep me going.
We had a Health Seminar today at work with our HR & BlueCross/Blue Shield and it was really good. My friend Julie who is on a Gluten Free diet, has lost 15 lbs, and during the seminar the head of HR commented about Julie & I working really hard on getting healthy & then how we all need to encourage eachother & Julie turned around and said "Jenn has lost 21 1/2 lbs & is doing great" And I said & Julie has lost 15 lbs so far! & Everyone clapped for us! IT was awesome!! I was not even embarrassed!! Thanks Julie!!
I have some amazing people in my life, and I am so grateful for the support I have!
Well I'm going to kick back & finish watching tv and drinking my glass of wine. Forgive my writing tonight. I have a lot going on in my head and I'm just rambling!! :)
I hope you all have a great weekend! I'll be back tomorrow!
GodSpeed!
Jenn
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb
So today started off really weird, I went to the doctors to get my liver test results, and that came back good. I had a mole looked at that has gotten bigger & is discolored an I am having a biopsy on VALENTINE'S DAY! YUP!!! Well I guess it's ok since other than my daughter Lexi, I am not spending Valentine's Day with the man I love....
Ugh, well as the day went on,it got a little weirder..
I have stuff going on that just has my head literally spinning. I stopped and looked around and thought about my life and the decisions I have made. There are so many mistakes I have made, but I would NEVER change anything because each experience has brought me to where I am today! I am a much happier and better person today because of some of my bad choices. It is never to late to change things.
My biggest mistake is not having the confidence in myself to feel like I was worthy of taking care of myself so that I would not have some of the issues I have been struggling with.
As each day moves on, and my weight drops a little more at a time. I find that I am getting so much attention from men. It is really nice and I have to continue to learn how to take a compliment not just from men but from women too! I have such a hard time just saying Thank you! I have to learn "THANK YOU" is enough. I am not going to sabotage myself because of the attention like I have in the past. I am going to take the compliments and use them to my benefit to keep me going.
We had a Health Seminar today at work with our HR & BlueCross/Blue Shield and it was really good. My friend Julie who is on a Gluten Free diet, has lost 15 lbs, and during the seminar the head of HR commented about Julie & I working really hard on getting healthy & then how we all need to encourage eachother & Julie turned around and said "Jenn has lost 21 1/2 lbs & is doing great" And I said & Julie has lost 15 lbs so far! & Everyone clapped for us! IT was awesome!! I was not even embarrassed!! Thanks Julie!!
I have some amazing people in my life, and I am so grateful for the support I have!
Well I'm going to kick back & finish watching tv and drinking my glass of wine. Forgive my writing tonight. I have a lot going on in my head and I'm just rambling!! :)
I hope you all have a great weekend! I'll be back tomorrow!
GodSpeed!
Jenn
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