Jan 14th...

To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan

Today I actually slept late. Well I guess late for me. It was after 9. I made some coffee and got on face book for a little bit. Then I cleaned the kitchen and got to work on some crafting. A friend of mine asked me to make some characters for her to scrapbook with. I have a cricut machine and cut out the characters & then put them together like a little puzzle. It's great therapy for me. The only problem I have when I craft is I forget to eat! Weird right?? But yes, I forget to eat. Next thing I knew it was 2:15 & I needed to shower & get ready for church since I was volunteering at the registration desk for the 4th & 5th graders. I met a really nice woman, Danielle. She is a nutritionist! How ironic right? We sat and chatted for 2 hours after we checked everyone in! It was nice. She's a lot younger than me, but got me when we started talking because she talks with so many women who have issues with their weight because of past trama's and such. So, before we left, she gave me her card and told me I could call her with questions or if I just wanted to hang out and grab a cup of coffee! This past weekend at church I have met a few really nice people that I had not ever met before, and I realized that if I don't get out of my little bubble, I will not ever meet a lot of people. Sure, I am friendly and say Hi to people, but other than my few friends that come with me or meet me at church, I don't go out of my way to meet people. Which is so different from how I was when I was younger.

I realized that, since I have gotten older, and gained all this weight, that part of who I am, kind of deminished! I tease my family & say, I am just a homebody and enjoy my time alone, with my small circle of people and my family, and that's it! I don't hang out with a lot of people, I just kind of come home from work, and close my door. Never did I think I would be like that! But I realized that it is me, and the fact that as much as I think I'm comfortable in my own skin, I guess I was just fooling myself.

Sure people see me as confident & strong. I am, with certain things. I stand my ground, and I am very upfront. I guess having been burned by so many people and having been hurt over & over and realized that with certain people, I was always feeling like I had to defend myself or Lexi. And honestly, Those are the types of friends, I just don't need on a day to day basis. I am civil, but I just can't have that insanity in my life. That caused so much stress in my life. Feeling like I, or Lexi were always being judged. I started to drink a little more than I should have, no, it was not out of control, just not who I was. I also started to not care what I put in my mouth. AGAIN!!! That is what I have always done. When stressed, sad or anything, it was always based around food. Not anymore.
For some reason, Something in my head has made me not hungry or almost gag at the thought of food, when I'm stressed. NO that is not good either!

I was working hard today on my crafts, and didn't eat, just before church at 3:15, I grabbed a handful of cashews & walked out the door. Then at church I grabbed a small salad. Went to church and when I got home and sat down, I realized I had not had much to eat today. I was hungry & here it was 8pm. I decided I'd have some eggs, so I scrambled 3 eggs & put pepper & cheddar cheese on it, and had a cup of coffee, a big cup, (because I am going to be up late crafting), and I had a few pieces of pineapple. That definitely filled me up. Then I went back to crafting and needed to look at a picture for colors of one of the characters I am making, and I decided I wanted to post before it got any later.

I hope you all have a great night!
Back to crafting for me!

Godspeed!
Jenn