finally some relief!!!

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance;
the wise grows it under his feet.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer

I have had a headache since Sunday! I am really beginning to think it was from the grain/flour I had in my dinner on Saturday night! I didn't realize it until I was almost done with dinner, that there was flour in my meal! UGH, I was so mad at myself because I have worked so hard & my boneless chicken buffalo wing salad was not worth the cheat! But oh well! I did! It was an honest mistake & boy did it make me sick and now my body is detoxing from the blunder and hopefully I will not make that mistake again. I felt like I ate enough for 10 people that's how bloated I was, and I didn't even over eat, which cracks me up, but with detoxing I think it has caused my migraine since Sunday and it kept getting worse, yesterday being the worst! Today a little better, but tonight, I'm having wine in hopes that it is actually going to help relieve it! But it hasn't as of yet!

I had a pretty good day with my food. I had coffee this morning, and then a few pieces of watermelon. Then for lunch I had a salad and threw in 2 pieces of roast beef. for dinner I had a piece of grilled chicken and a baked potato & NOW I am having a glass of wine! I have had only 1 glass of wine in the last month! Tomorrow is a month that I have been on this program. It's really amazing. It really has become a habit to eat like this now.

Lexi & I ran out this evening, and got a few groceries until tomorrow night or Thursday when I can do a big food shopping! I need so many veggies & fruits, and of course meats! I'm about out of meat!

I need to start cooking other stuff though! Any suggestions? I need some new recipes for grain free meals! I could eat cheesy chicken broccoli every day if it were up to me! LOL That and eggs.

Well I am exhausted as I didn't sleep well last night. So I am heading to bed early!
I hope you all have a great evening!

Godspeed!
Jenn

another day..........in the life of me............

At times our own light goes out
and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude
of those who have lighted the flame within us.
- Albert Schweitzer

Today was a good day eating wise, but not health wise. I work up with a migraine so bad I could barely see & my eyes were so swollen. I took some ibuprofin and then my prescription meds. Nothing helped. Around 9am I woke up to call into work, then had some coffee in hopes that the caffeine would help it. Then I laid down on the couch & slept until noon. I couldn't believe it! I never sleep that late anymore! Not even on the weekends.
So, around 2:30 I had another cup of coffee, and 2 slices of roastbeef, and a few pieces of watermelon! YES, I am on a watermelon kick. That didn't help much either. SO I just relaxed. I had to pick up Lexi from school, and drop off paint that I was donating for the musical props. Then we came home & by 5pm we were having an early dinner. I ended up having 2 terriyaki burgers with cheese, on a plate, no bread of course, some sweet potato french fries and a huge glass of water. Don't forget I'm drinking lots of water through out the day too. But my migraine remains! This is really bad! I actually wonder if I am coming down with something that is causing me to have this migraine, maybe I should take my temperature? As you can tell by reading my blog, I type exactly what I am thinking.
I actually had a small bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream tonight, I am trying anything that will make me feel better. Except for grain of course!
That didn't help either.

I am so proud that the day after tomorrow will be a month that I am on this journey and I am so proud of how far I have come. I have expected to drop more weight than I have, but I'm ok with it, because it's coming off slowly and will hopefully be a permanent loss! Well NO NOT This is such a habit for me now! I love that I don't even want to have anything I can't! Well most of the time anyway! It's kind of funny in an ironic sort of way, that I even just said that, because not more than an hour ago did I say to Lexi, "Boy I really want homemade chocolate chip cookies!" That is when I decided to have the mint chocolate chip ice cream with her! LOL Took that craving right away! I really feel like, if I want something, I'll have it! I allow myself to have ice cream becaue I don't want to have anything with Grain, but for the most part, I don't crave anything usually! That kind of all went  away the first 2 weeks of starting this journey. I like that I have joined a support group on face book, and they are all on some kind of weightloss journey so it's nice, I have only posted a few times, but it's very encouraging.
I have goals! I want to be down quite a bit by my Spring Break vacation, and of course a few weeks later when Lexi performs at Disney. I'm going to get to reconnect with some people from my High School years, so that will be awesome! And Lexi is looking forward to that time too! My Spring break vacation is the one where I will reconnect with everyone. SO excited!
Well I am going to lay down & get off this computer for a while!
Hope everyone has a great night!

Remember, one day at a time, and sometimes it's one moment at a time!
Godspeed!!!

Jenn

Today was a great day

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today was a great day. I started my day off making eggs & cut up left over steak & put cheese on it & made a great omelet for breakfast. Since I made it at noon, I didn't eat anything else but a handful of cashews.

Then after getting a lot of organizing done in the house, Lexi & I went for a 2.4 mile walk. We are starting out slow training for our half marathon. We need to be walking 3 miles comfortably, so we can start running as well. That will be later this week. I'm also going to do the Wii Fit tonight, I have Julian Michael's work out for that, so let's see how much she can kick my butt! LOL

Dinner was ok tonight. Had meatballs in sauce on a plate & covered it with mozzarella cheese because I can't make a meatball hero & I watched Lexi eat her bread! Uggg, that was a littler hard because I LOVE MEATBALL PARM HERO'S!!! Oh well. I had a few sweet potato french fries & some watermelon! The watermelon was really good! I was surprised since that is such a summer fruit. But it was good.

I'm hoping I will sleep good tonight. So very tired from the long walk & fresh air! The lake was so beautiful today. It was crisp but not freezing out so it was good to walk. IT gave Lexi & I time to talk too which is always nice. I enjoy spending quality time with her.

I'm done eating for the day! Going to wait a few more minutes then work out on the WII FIT!

Hope everyone has a great evening & a good start to your week tomorrow!

Godspeed!
Jenn

First mistake with a dinner

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood

Well today started out really good, I was up by 9, got lots of stuff done, and had my coffee. Got a call from my friend Sue, she was around the corner having work done on her car & I picked her up & She came & hung out for an hour. It was great to spend time with her. Then I got ready for church, volunteered and then Lexi & I went out to dinner.
I didn't get anything at Dunkin Donuts but Lexi got breakfast & Sue got coffee. I had 2  tablespoons of peanut butter because I was not hungry. For dinner, Lexi & I went to Chili's & I wanted a boneless buffalo wings salad. I had them take out the tortilla strips and boy was that salad good. About 10 minutes after I ate, I felt like I was going to be sick, after a little longer I had that bloated and feeling like I was going to throw up that I had to take deep breaths and drink some juice. Water made it worse.
So, now I know what truly makes me sick when I eat it. UGH!! When I realized that I blew my first meal in 28 days, I was so disappointed because it really wasn't worth it! I wish I had realized before I ate it, what was in it. Lexi & I were in such a heavy converstaion that it never dawned on me that I was eating the wrong thing, I did have some potato soup too! So, now tomorrow I will have to make sure I really pay attention, Like I usually do! This is why I hardly ever go out to eat!!! I should've ordered the steak!!

Lexi & I were going to start our training for the half marathon tonight, but since I have felt like crap from the meal, we are starting tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully it will be as beautiful tomorrow as it was today!
I hope you all have a great night! I'm going to head to bed early again tonight.

GODSPEED!!!

another Friday night

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison

I can't believe Friday night is finally here. I have not slept well all week. Tonight Lexi & I watched the movie Abduction 11. It was with Taylor Lautner. It was really good.
This week was so long. I am hoping I get to sleep late tomorrow morning. That would be a great thing. I will just put my phone on vibrate & hopefully sleep in.

Today was a good day with food although I almost ate a burger bun. My friend Susan & I went to Burger King for Lunch, I got a burger & a drink. I went to eat & then realized I Forgot a straw. Then I got up because I forgot napkins, then I sat down & realized that I was going to pick up the burger in the bun & almost bit it. I put the burger down, got up and went to the counter to ask for a fork & knife & YUP! I took the burger, with the lettuce & pickles on a plate, and cut it up & ate it with NO BREAD! I can't believe I almost blew tonight! I have not had a cheat moment at all. I probably could, but I didn't and haven't found anything worth cheating for. Besides, I'd only be cheating myself.

This morning, I had an apple with peanut butter again, then the burger for lunch and for dinner, I finished the cheesy chicken and broccoli casserole from last night, OMG, it was so good tonight too! YUMMO!!!  Then Lexi & I went to Kohl's & she got a new outfit with her gift cards she got for her birthday. Then we stopped at AC Moore for me to get some glue to do some cricuting this weekend since I didn't go on my scrap booking trip! :(
Then we stopped at Walmart for me to return something & I got a new pocketbook. Nothing expensive but I needed a new black pocketbook.
We then came home, watched the Abduction 11 & now I'm going to head to bed.

Getting close to my weigh in! Another 10 days. I can't wait, well it's longer than 10 days, it's Feb 8th. I can't wait, I am really going to work out hard the next 2 weeks. I totally need to start training for the half marathon.

Well that's about it.

Have a great night!
GODSPEED!!
Jenn

it's almost Friday

Stand often in the company of dreamers.
They believe you can achieve impossible things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It has been an incredibly long week. I am so tired an have not slept well this week which is not a good thing! I have been in an orientation/seminar thing at work. It was 4 days and was really good! I learned so much about the other departments and got to know some really awesome people, I may not have had the chance to really sit down and speak with.

Anyway, I had to be at work a little early each day and that wasn't bad! They served breakfast & lunch every day and I was really good & Stuck to my plan. I did have a few of the miniature chocolates a few days,, but that was to keep me going! I had a nice salad every day! It's always nice when someone else makes your salad! There's just a different flavor to it. I can't really explain it.

For breakfast today, I had an apple with peanut butter, for lunch I had a nice Caesar salad, and then for dinner I made a chicken, broccoli & cheese casserole. IT was fabulous & low fat & low carb too! YUM, it was awesome. My friend Kim, had made it 2 weeks ago for us, and she sent me the recipe & I finally made it! OMG, it was so good & I have so much left over so it will be great to eat it the next few days!

Well Lexi & I are definitely going to start training for the half marathon on Sunday as long as the weather holds out! Keeping my fingers crossed because I really would like to start running again.

Well that's it here! Hope you all have a great evening.

Godspeed.
Jenn

my journey continues

Regret is an appalling waste of energy,
you can't build on it - it's only good for wallowing in.
- Katherine Mansfield

Today was a good day. I got to work with barely a minute to spare! I didn't sleep to well last night, so I will be crawling into bed a little early tonight! At least I hope!
I got to work and had an orange & a bottle of water. Then for lunch they had Moe's Mexican delivered and they had fajitas. I took the lettuce, chicken a drop of beef, some sour cream and some cheese and had a big plate of salad! It was awesome! I had a few little pieces of candy during the orientation. They were the miniature chocolate pieces. I figured having a little sugar won't kill me.
Then all that were participating, went to dinner with the big wigs of our company and we had drinks & appetizers. I had a few hot wings. I couldn't eat anything else they ordered, so they made sure I had that. Which was really nice. They have totally accommodated my new eating habits for when they ordered food all week! They made sure there was something for me for breakfast (Fruit) and lunch (salads).
I had a drink at the Big Easy, and then had 4 glasses of water because the mild wings were so spicy! OMG, if I could have lost weight just from the spice in the hot wings, I'd have dropped 10 lbs from that heat! LOL.

Nothing else is going on. Tomorrow after work, I'm going to do some Wii Fit. I need to start moving more, I mean I do a lot of walking and stuff, but I need to do some more exercising! I can't wait for the weekend, because I so need to sleep in on Saturday. Tomorrow is the day I should have been leaving for my yearly scrap booking trip. I am not going this year, since I am going away for Spring break and then with Lexi's school to Disney. So I need to save any other time I have left in case I need the time.

Have a great night! 2 more weeks and I weigh in at the doctors! I can't wait to see the loss! So excited! No matter what it is, it's better than a gain! I am weighing myself on my scale but my scale is not always right, so I want to be sure I get the accurate number.

Godspeed!
Jenn

Another day and the journey continues

Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating. Youngsters need good models more than they need critics. It's one of a parent's greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
- John Wooden

Today was another day in the orientation/seminar at work. It's an all week thing, well until Thursday afternoon anyway. They have bought us breakfast & lunch all week. Today I had an apple & orange juice for breakfast & coffee & water too.
Then for lunch I had a grilled chicken Cesar salad. And for dinner I had steak & a baked potato. It was so good! I also did have chocolate ice cream. I have been craving it, so I had some. It's funny because on the way home from work, I stopped and picked up a baked potato and got fries for Lexi, and well I stuck my hand in the bag out of habit, and went to eat a french fry and when I realized what I was doing before it got to my mouth, I tossed it back in the bag, because I really didn't want it! Then a little while ago, I was really craving Cheetos crunchy cheese doodles and I went to the cabinet because I had bought them for Lexi & I found myself reading the label, and it didn't say grain, but it did say Corn meal, and figured well I am pretty sure that is a grain! So, I didn't eat any! I honestly have not had any sweets other than some frozen yogurt or some ice cream, and then I have had a piece or two of the little Hershey kisses during our orientation. But if I want it, I will have 1 or 2. I am really proud of myself for really sticking to this, but I saw today how habit almost made me blow today!

I know if I want to eat something, I can, I owe no one an explanation but I honestly have a goal, and so want to make the goal! Next year at this time, I would love to be down 100 lbs, and be getting ready for my first half marathon! That's a big goal, and I believe since I have 13 months til the one I am going to register for, I will be very prepared.

Not too much else is going on. I am feeling really good, and still sleeping pretty good! I have had a few nights here & there that I wasn't sleeping well but that was only because I had some personal issues going on, and couldn't get my brain to shut down, and if I did, when I got up in the middle of the night, I'd start thinking about it right away.

I hope you are continuing on your journey and doing really well. Please feel free to email me or inbox me on face book if you don't want to comment on here. I love your feedback! Keep up the good work and remember, you didn't gain it all in a day, or even a week, so you can't expect to lose it that quickly!

Godspeed!
Jenn

Here we go again....

We can always choose to perceive things differently.
You can focus on what's wrong in your life,
or you can focus on what's right.
- Marianne Williamson

My quote tonight is what has been in my head today! I have made the conscious choice to focus on what is right in my life, rather than on what I perceive things to be wrong. Because they are not always as they seem.  So, I'm going to just wait it out & see what the future holds!Well I have entered into another week. Day 23 on my new lifestyle change. I am doing really well. I am going through some stuff right now, and I'm trying to figure out my life, and where I want to go in the future. Things that I was so sure about a few months ago, I'm not so sure about anymore. So, I have to take some time to focus on what I really want! I have to put me first. Because if I don't put me first and take care of me, no one else will either. And that is what I want! And Lord knows if I don't take care of me, I sure as hell can't take care of anyone else.
I have to be at work early this week and they served breakfast for us. Bagels, Fruit, juices, coffee & water. I had a banana, some juice, and some water. Oh & yes, I did have some more coffee too! It's just not as good as what I make at home! Oh well. But I had some.
Then they served lunch, but I had asked ahead of time if they could order salad since I couldn't not eat stuff they typically order. SO they had some & I had 2 plates of it! OMG, it was good & I was hungry! For afternoon snack, I had an apple with peanut butter, and for dinner, boring yes, I had chicken salad. I'm all about easy for me, Lexi had chicken enchiladas and that was fine. I just will not eat it. Then I went to meet someone for coffee and all the coffee places were closed so we just sat in some chairs & talked. That was nice, although I had other things to do tonight, I needed to take that time out.

Tomorrow, I have to come up with something for work for the Orientation class (4 days worth) I am in. I have to PICK one thing that represents me or something I like. I was going to say Scrap booking, but now that I'm thinking about it, I may say compassionate, or passionate! Not quite sure yet! I don't like having to do this! But I will! Maybe I'll use determined. Since I am so determined to succeed on this lifestyle change. We shall see! I'm not sure yet. I have a lot to think about.
I have got to get all my Disney Stuff together for my friend. I am sending it to Myrtle beach for her to buy, I didn't make as much as I had hoped, but I will definitely have some other stuff to make! I just ran out of time. But it will be good, she'll have a good amount of stuff.

Well I hope you all have a great night!

Godspeed!
Jenn

A very relaxing day

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr

Tonight I'm finding that I am needing to remind myself of this favorite quote of mine. Not really sure why? Today was a relaxing day. I slept until almost 11. I was so tired from last night! I had the best evening out.

I didn't eat very much today. Which of course I know is not good. I did drink a lot of water though. I had 2 apples with peanut butter & while I went to bite a  piece, my dog, a 7 lb miniature poodle standing right at my feet just waiting for me to drop a piece, and well, I bit into a piece & the other piece flung out of my hand, and my poor little puppy, ate a piece and started to choke, because well, he didn't chew it & it got stuck, after about 5 or so minutes I got it out. I was hitting his back with him tipped over, and tried everything including trying to shove my fingers in his throat, FINALLY I was able too & he gagged it up. Poor boy has been in my lap almost all day, and needless to say I felt terrible & Cried while I comforted him! Well I didn't just cry, I sobbed! I do not do well in crisis situations when it comes to my daughter or my dog! With anyone else, I can stay so calm.  He's fine now though!

I did get a little crafting done and I'm going to do some more when I am done writing this. 
For dinner, I made a chicken breast, I boiled it, and then made chicken salad for myself, since Lexi wasn't hungry because she had something to eat at the mall with her friend.
Today was pretty boring, nothing exciting. I have to get ready for the week. I just remembered that I will be in a seminar in the morning all week and don't need to bring lunch because they will be supplying lunch for us. And of course they said they'd get me salad every day, so I don't need to worry about lunch until Friday.

I did work on my taxes today and am very glad I got most of my W-2's & stuff back.
Other than that, there is nothing else going on today. I am really trying to recuperate from last night. My body is so sore.

I hope you all have a great night!

GodSpeed.
Jenn

The Gala at the Angus Barn Pavilion

Every thought we think is creating our future.
- Louise L. Hay

Tonight was my company party at the Angus Barn Pavilion. What an amazing time I had. I took my best guy friend Joe. We had an absolute blast. He was a complete gentleman. The way a guy should treat a lady. He opened car doors, and picked up my friend Susan & her husband and we all had a great time together. He had me hold his arm so I wouldn't slip on the floor, while walking. He got me drinks and food and was just awesome! We danced our butts off. We had just the best time together! I have not danced like that in years! Everyone kept coming up to me & told me that I had the hottest date in the place, and he said "NO, I have the hottest date here!" Which was awesome. He made me feel like a sexy & beautiful woman! It was great! Thank you Joe!!!
My day in preparation. I was so nervous about going tonight. Not really sure why. I guess cause I have never partied with these people and I had no idea how it was going to be & it was really great!

I didn't eat all day! I had no idea what to expect with the food, but I had ribs, and some chicken & potato's. I had a few drinks, and NO dessert. I never even got up to go to the dessert table. It was just great! I kept getting up and dancing. It was really like I was the Belle of the Ball, as my friend Susan said this evening to me when she commented on a picture.

Anyway, I could go on & on about my evening, but I am so incredibly tired! I'm heading to bed!

Sorry this is so short! But I stayed on track and didn't have any issues with my eating at the place tonight! And there was so much food! So many bad choices I could have made, and I am so proud of myself for making such awesome choices & sticking to my lifestyle change.

Joe & I had a long talk tonight & we talked about how I am finally putting myself first, because if I don't, NO ONE ELSE WILL! And I want to be put first in someones life. Especially mine. Lexi's getting older and isn't at home as much. So I need to start taking better care of myself, and that was why I made that my New Years resolution. To finally put Jenn first!!

Well, Good night all~ Until Tomorrow~

Godspeed!

I was tested in every way today!!! I think I handled it like a champ too!

Life is ten percent what happens to you
and ninety percent how you respond to it.
- Lou Holtz

I could not have had a better quote tonight. What a day! It started off really well. Considering I didn't sleep well last night, I was lucky my day was so good.
Well at work, I had my usual banana for breakfast & I drank lots of water. Then Susan & I went to Burlington to get stockings for tomorrow's Gala at the Angus Barn Pavilion! OMG, we are both so excited. Well everyone at work is really looking forward to it. It really is going to be awesome. Susan & I stopped at Chick Fil A for lunch, and I got a grilled chicken sandwich and a lemonade. I took it off the wheat bread and didn't get any fries! Then later in the day, the ladies in Sales brought in all kinds of desserts to give us a sample of what we will have for dessert tomorrow at the Angus Barn. OMG, I had not been on this journey, I'd have been in chocolate heaven! OMG, it was looking & smelling so good. I got a strawberry and walked away! That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, after a few minutes of smelling it, it was like a switch flicked in my head & the smell made me nauseous. There were all kinds of cookies, brownies, cupcakes, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, macaroons, and all kinds of stuff.
Then Lexi wanted pizza for dinner. So I picked it up for her, and I decided to take the cheese off a slice & just eat the cheese. I then made scrambled eggs for dinner YES AGAIN~ LOL I survived the pizza, the cakes & desserts and now I am going to kick back & watch a movie with Lexi, give ourselves pedicures & manicures, and then I am going to craft! All before I go to sleep tonight! Oh & I had coffee with my eggs, because I am so tired but I want to stay up til at least 2am crafting! Here's to hoping I make it that late! Cause you know when you want to stay up late, you can't & when you want to sleep, You can't!  Why is that? Let me tell you how proud I am that I handled all my obstacles of temptation like a champ today! Adam was right, it's really all a mind over matter thing!

Well I have narrowed my dress for tomorrow night down to 2 black dresses. Unsure yet which one I will wear. I want to look awesome, since NO ONE has ever seen me in a dress and of course since my date is smokin' hot, I want to look good on his arm! LOL So excited for tomorrow night! We will go pick up Susan & Mike & head to the Gala together! So looking forward to it. Although it's not a late night. Home before midnight probably, but what is really awesome, is if we drink and need a ride home, our company has hired a car service for free to take us all home or back to a hotel which some are staying at!

I will be posting pictures of our evening probably tomorrow night late or Sunday.

I hope everyone has a blessed evening.

Godspeed,
Jenn

It was a wine kinda night

Believe you can - and then make it happen.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't know what is going on with this blog tonight? I wrote an amazing post and it didn't all save, so when I thought I was going to paste what I had copied it wiped out my entire post! UGH!

So here I go again. I had 2 glasses of wine tonight. I have not had wine in almost a month! It felt good to kick back, relax & just chat with my friend Kim.
Kim made dinner & brought it over for us. She made a chicken, cheese & broccoli dish, it was amazing & Low Carb. Lexi loved it too & had 2 servings! YUP She sure did. IT was delicious & I can't wait for her to get me the recipe!  


Today we had to dress up from work because we had alot of visitors at work. It was ok. I just wore slacks & a blouse! We get to dress in jeans every day, so it was nice to dress up!
Today was a hard day, not with my choice of foods, but with making myself eat.
I ate a banana for breakfast, then some grapes for a late morning snack, then I had an apple, cheddar cheese & avacado for lunch with a little bit of grilled chicken that Julie shared with me. Then for dinner, we had Kim's dish.


I am so glad tomorrow is Friday! That means one more day til Saturday & our Gala for work! So looking forward to spending the time with Joe! He is awesome! It's going to be a blast. You would think I was bringing a movie star, my coworkers are so excited to meet him. They also said I will have the hottest date in the company! No doubt about it! I will!
Well not much else is going on. I can't wait to go to the doctors on the 8th of February. I will not reveil my weightloss until then. I will say that I have NEVER lost this much weight in such a short amount of time. It's very motivating! It keeps me going!!!


I hope you all have a good night!

Godspeed!
Jenn

Day 18, wow, I can't believe it

None of us got where we are solely by
pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.
- Thurgood Marshall

I can't believe I have been on this journey for 18 days already! It really has been an awesome journey so far. I have had some major struggles during this time and I just keep picking myself up by my bootstraps and keep on going. I have NOT fallen off this journey at all and I have kept on track! I am really proud of myself to say the least.

Usually when I am stressed, I really eat, and I have really struggled with eating at all this week. It's almost weird for me, not eating is not realy an issue, until now, I don't know what I have done to my brain with being so motivated.
 I have not been sleeping well the last 2 nights, I'm hoping I can sleep tonight. I have had a lot on my mind and heart and have decided that I have done my best, and it's all up to God now. He has my path picked for me already. I'm just going to be true to who I am and I am not going to worry about things as much! Life will continue to pass me by, if I don't stop and just enjoy what I have and who is in my life.

So, my dilema was my boyfriend is unable to come to my company party on Saturday & I was really disappointed to say the least. Work obligations always get in the way but that's ok! Because I was going to be set up with my coworkers boyfriends friend, just to go to the party with. That wasn't going to work out, so my best friend Joe is going with me, and I am elated that we will be going together! This is going to be the best time ever!!!! I am so excited! We are matching out clothes tomorrow to make sure we coordinate well! He's so stinking cute and I couldn't have gone with a better person. Joe, rearranged his schedule, canceled a dinner, and changed it to a lunch, and now he is taking me! Thank you Joe! You never let me down! :) I'm so glad you are one of my best friends!!! You & your friendship mean more to me & Lexi than you could ever know! She said, "Oh Mom, you two are going to have a blast!" And she's right, we are!!! What started out as a huge disappointment turned out to be awesome. There is going to be so much dancing and so much partying going on! I can't wait!!!! It's at the Angus Barn Pavillion & I have never been there, but it is a really awesome place.

So, let me get to my food! Today, I had a banana for breakfast, and apple for late morning snack, then we had ANOTHER LUNCHEON and I had a very small ceasar salad! Let me just say, they got food from Biagi's Italian Restaurant! I could not believe all the food they had, and when It was time for me to have lunch, there was barely any salad, but I had some, a very small amout I must add, I was really disappointed because there was such great food there that I Coudln't eat, and all I wanted was a hearty salad! I passed on all the bread, pasta & all that other stuff. But I passed on it & my friend Julie gave me a few pieces of grilled chicken to throw in my very small salad! Then for dinner, I had a baked potato and a burger, without the bun for dinner, I met my best girl friend Kris for dinner since Lexi was at youth group, it was fun, we have not seen eachother for a while, and really have missed our girl talks!  Thank you Kris! :)

Next week I have class from Monday through Thursday, and I know they will order crap for us for lunch, so I called HR today and said I can't eat grain, can you please order me a salad each day! LOL I don't think they were too happy, but I don't want to be left out, if they are paying for lunch, and this is my lifestyle, so I asked! I figured it couldn't hurt!

Well I am really beat.  Going to finish watching American Idol and then go relax! I hope everyone has an incredibly blessed evening!

Godspeed!
Jenn

Today, boy I wish I could've gone back to bed and woken up on the right side today.

Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin

So, I have written & rewritten this blog 3 times tonight, trying to figure out what I was going to say & how I was going to say it. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, because I am so pissed at myself. I really woke up on the wrong side of the bed and stayed there for most of the day! I hate when I am like that! It is so rare when that happens! But I am human, and I have days that are not good, and boy was today one of them.

Let me just say, I did great with my food, although I was in a really bad mood today, I actually had to force myself to eat. I have never had that issue, that is something new for me. Usually when I'm mad or sad, or depressed or happy or anything, I would eat! Now, I get nauseous, and I had to force myself to eat a banana, and an apple, and then for lunch I had some roast beef, and made steamed greenbeans! YES Almost a whole bag of steamed greenbeans with Balsamic vinegar on them! I'm getting good with my fruits and veggies, and then for dinner, I had 3 scrambled eggs with some cheddar cheese & that I had to eat while I was in the car! Lexi had an appt tonight so I cooked it, walked out the door, and then when we got to her appt, I ate it real quick in the car! I needed to eat, so I had to eat & run! LOL I didn't want to eat late, had I not eaten before, it would have had to eat at almost 9pm! And I hate eating that late!

Then after we went to her appt, we stopped & got some fatfree/sugar free ice cream. I needed to feel like I was having a sweet treat! I love Sweet Spoons. It's a new yogurt place. We love it! Best to go with a coupon too!

Well I am going to head to bed, sorry this is short tonight. I am trying to learn how to forgive myself for things, and learn to not take my grouchiness out on the ones that I love! Today was a day that I couldn't stand to be in my own skin & I am hoping tomorrow is a better day! That's why I need to get into bed!
So, I hope you all have a great evening, and I will be back here with a better & spunkier attitude tomorrow!

Goodnight all!
Godspeed!
Jenn

Life's most urgent question is:
what are you doing for others?
- Martin Luther King, Jr.



Today was not a bad day, although I was really tired, probably because I didn't eat like I was supposed too! I only had grapes this morning, then for lunch we had a lunch meeting & they had lunch for us, Pizza & Salad, well I had forgotten about it, so I had brought left over meatloaf! Not a lot, but enough! So, I ate that, then I had a nice salad. I didn't have any other fruit, so I have to have some tonight! Because I could just close my eyes & go to sleep! I am trying to figure out if I'm depressed or just tired today? I guess if I have to think about it, I just must be tired! Then tonight for dinner, I had another piece of left over meatloaf with potatoes. Oh & Work, my friend brought me a piece of banana/pumpkin bread made with coconut flour, I only had a little piece because bread is a trigger for me. She also gave me one chocolate chip cookie, made with coconut flower, now that, was the best chocolate chip cookie I had ever eaten! It was that good. Although I am wondering if not having my fruits & veggies is what is causing my mood? Oh well, I'll make sure I get all my servings in tomorrow!
During lunch my friend Julie wanted to have pizza so badly, she wanted to have the cheese & meat so badly, but I made her eat her lunch that she brought from home, I was so proud of her, because I know she really wanted to have it! She can't have meat til tomorrow, so I wasn't letting her! What kind of friend would I be if I did right?


I didn't have too much to do today, although work seemed to fly by? Weird, today was just a very weird day. There was a lot of traffic on the road & I really wasn't expecting it either.

So, today, I decided that my goal for next February is to run a half marathon 13.1 miles at Disney with my coworker/friend Julie & a few of her friends. So, I am going to speak with one of my friends on how to start training, because she is a runner, and I need to learn how to "Run" to train properly! I am so excited about that! What a huge goal to look forward too! That and I really want to Skydive, and my Mom promised me, if I ever reached my goal weight,  and wanted to do it, she'd do it with me. As she reads this she is probably shaking her head saying, I did say that "11 years ago" LOL so, I'm hoping maybe if I EVER get to my goal weight, she'll do it with me! She's in such great shape! I'm so proud of her, she really takes such good care of herself. I wish I was able to do that too! I hope when I am her age, I am in just as good a shape as she is! My Mom is BEAUTIFUL! And I"m not just saying that because she's my Mom, but she really is! She has overcome so much and also had a weight issue when she was younger, so I know, I'm tough like her, I can do this once and for all! Thanks Mom for being such an amazing role model!

Thanks again for ready and hope you'll be back, also, thank you to those of you who continuously message me, email me or tell me face to face, how much you enjoy me writing this blog! That's why I do it every day!

Well, I'm going to go and cricut some more! Have lots of stuff to still make for my friend Amy.

Have a great night all!
GodSpeed!
Jenn

2 weeks, The hardest time when starting a new challenge!

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.


The weekends are just way too short. I wish we could have just one more day. Isn't it funny, most of us always want something more than what we already have. I know when I was out of work, all I wanted was a job! I love my job, but there are times I really miss being home. I feel like there just isn't enough time to get everything done that I want to do.

Last night I didn't fall asleep until 4am. I work up at almost 9:30, and really should have gone back to bed, but my boyfriend had texted me around 9, and I was still sleeping, so when I saw I had a message, I wanted to get up and text him back. I ended up getting right up, making coffee & then started crafting. I love it, and have gotten quite a bit done. I still have so much more to do though. I'm just going to work on it a little each night.

Lexi got up at 11, and she wanted me to take her out to breakfast, her treat. Well I took her, but I didn't get anything but an iced tea. She did buy me a Starbucks coffee on our way home. We actually went to my sisters to meet her 2 new puppies, Cassie & Milo, they are the most beautiful Golden Retrievers I have ever seen. They are so stinking cute! We visited there for a while, and on the way home from there, we got the Starbucks. Then I crafted some more, and brought the cashews to the table with me, so I would eat. 

I worked all day, chatted with one of my best friends on the phone while I put Mr. & Mrs. Incredible together! LOL I am making Disney/Pixar Characters for my friend to use in her scrapbook from her Disney trip a few months ago. Well, for dinner I made meatloaf, mashed potatoes (with a kick of horseradish) and mixed veggies minus the corn for me.  Lexi was commenting about how much she hates meatloaf. Too bad, we have to eat different stuff. I am already tired of eating all the same stuff. It was really delicious, and I am stuffed! I am actually so tired, I may go to bed early, since I didn't sleep much last night. I could lay down now & go to sleep, but I have to put Lightening McQueen together (from the Movie Cars). Once I do that, I think I'll go get into bed, I'll probably pass out! ,

I hate that I have to work tomorrow. Lexi is off, and will be with one of her best friends for a few hours. All the Doctors offices are closed so we probably won't be busy at all! Maybe we'll get lucky & they'll let us leave work early? Who knows. One can only hope!

I need to start planning my meals for the week. That is just way too much work for me to even think about right now.
I really am feeling better though! I never realized how much grain affects so much of your body. My moods are so much better. I'm not sad/depressed hardly at all. I mean I feel the emotions when I need too, but I am not as high strung or anxious since I have been off the grain. Today is 2 weeks! I made it through Lexi having pizza during the week, an evening out with pot luck food, and Lexi having Bojangles this morning. I absolutely LOVE Bojangles. I don't mind saying, "No, Thank you." I actually had to do that at church yesterday, a woman I know, made this pound cake & was sharing it with all the volunteers, and she offered me some & I said NO, thank you, and she said, you can have a little, and I said actually, NO, I can't, I don't eat anything with grain. She was like "Oh, ok" You don't know what you're missing?' I said, actually it's fine, I don't miss it at all, and honestly, I really don't! I am eating enough other stuff. I still have to try to force myself to eat the banana's, but I'm eating them for the potassium. I love the flavor but not the texture. But I survive, every day! It holds me over at work.

Well, I need to get back to crafting. Thanks again for all the emails I'm getting of support.
I'm glad to know so many people come here to visit. In 14 days I have had over 430 visitors. I think that's awesome! Keep coming back, it's not that this is really exciting, it's really just about what I am doing and eating. Feel free to comment on here though!

Have a great rest of the evening, and those of you that are off tomorrow, I'm jealous, but enjoy your day!

Godspeed!
Jenn

Jan 14th...

To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan

Today I actually slept late. Well I guess late for me. It was after 9. I made some coffee and got on face book for a little bit. Then I cleaned the kitchen and got to work on some crafting. A friend of mine asked me to make some characters for her to scrapbook with. I have a cricut machine and cut out the characters & then put them together like a little puzzle. It's great therapy for me. The only problem I have when I craft is I forget to eat! Weird right?? But yes, I forget to eat. Next thing I knew it was 2:15 & I needed to shower & get ready for church since I was volunteering at the registration desk for the 4th & 5th graders. I met a really nice woman, Danielle. She is a nutritionist! How ironic right? We sat and chatted for 2 hours after we checked everyone in! It was nice. She's a lot younger than me, but got me when we started talking because she talks with so many women who have issues with their weight because of past trama's and such. So, before we left, she gave me her card and told me I could call her with questions or if I just wanted to hang out and grab a cup of coffee! This past weekend at church I have met a few really nice people that I had not ever met before, and I realized that if I don't get out of my little bubble, I will not ever meet a lot of people. Sure, I am friendly and say Hi to people, but other than my few friends that come with me or meet me at church, I don't go out of my way to meet people. Which is so different from how I was when I was younger.

I realized that, since I have gotten older, and gained all this weight, that part of who I am, kind of deminished! I tease my family & say, I am just a homebody and enjoy my time alone, with my small circle of people and my family, and that's it! I don't hang out with a lot of people, I just kind of come home from work, and close my door. Never did I think I would be like that! But I realized that it is me, and the fact that as much as I think I'm comfortable in my own skin, I guess I was just fooling myself.

Sure people see me as confident & strong. I am, with certain things. I stand my ground, and I am very upfront. I guess having been burned by so many people and having been hurt over & over and realized that with certain people, I was always feeling like I had to defend myself or Lexi. And honestly, Those are the types of friends, I just don't need on a day to day basis. I am civil, but I just can't have that insanity in my life. That caused so much stress in my life. Feeling like I, or Lexi were always being judged. I started to drink a little more than I should have, no, it was not out of control, just not who I was. I also started to not care what I put in my mouth. AGAIN!!! That is what I have always done. When stressed, sad or anything, it was always based around food. Not anymore.
For some reason, Something in my head has made me not hungry or almost gag at the thought of food, when I'm stressed. NO that is not good either!

I was working hard today on my crafts, and didn't eat, just before church at 3:15, I grabbed a handful of cashews & walked out the door. Then at church I grabbed a small salad. Went to church and when I got home and sat down, I realized I had not had much to eat today. I was hungry & here it was 8pm. I decided I'd have some eggs, so I scrambled 3 eggs & put pepper & cheddar cheese on it, and had a cup of coffee, a big cup, (because I am going to be up late crafting), and I had a few pieces of pineapple. That definitely filled me up. Then I went back to crafting and needed to look at a picture for colors of one of the characters I am making, and I decided I wanted to post before it got any later.

I hope you all have a great night!
Back to crafting for me!

Godspeed!
Jenn

Boy can temptation be tough sometimes,

People only see what they are prepared to see.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's so funny how we see things and others can see things totally differently. We tend to only see things we are prepared to see. How many times do we look at a picture or look in a mirror and think.... "is that really me?"

Tonight I went out with my friend Kim, we went to see Dick Purnell, and he is a speaker on Love, Friendship & God. IT was really good! I was expecting the topic to be a little different but still, it was really good. He was talking about How God sees us. And how Society sees us. It's amazing when you really stop to think about it.
When Kim & I first got there, we had some dinner, it was kind of like a pot luck if you will, and I did really well. I couldn't believe how much pasta & breaded dishes there were! They did have chicken! I think it was fried, so what I did, was peeled the skin off and ate the center until I could start to taste the fry. I HATE FRIED FOODS! Well not really. But it doesn't like me at all. Especially since I had my gall bladder out, And now with the program I'm on, I can't eat it anyway. So I had some pineapple, grapes, some turkey & ham, they were so little & they went with cheese, and then that one piece of chicken. Oh and for dessert, I had a piece of cut pear, some cut apples, and 2 grapes! I was happy! I at least had something to eat! For lunch, since I didn't take a lunch today so I could leave work early, I had some green beans with dressing and an apple! Breakfast was pineapples & grapes! Lots of fruits & veggies today! So, after we ate, we went into the auditorium for the Dick Purnell conference. It was fun, he was funny as ever! He really talked about core to heart things, about being alone and how we see ourselves and how God sees us! It was really good.
There was so much food tonight, and so many things I would have normally gone to eat had I not been on this program, but tonight, it was almost refreshing to see that it took no effort to chose my food! The only thing I need to learn is to still slow down when I eat! I guess because of being a mom & always being on the go, I have been a fast eater! I'm trying, but it's still a struggle! I have to talk to myself to remind myself to slow down! It's kind of funny because I really find myself talking to myself! "SLOW DOWN JENN" I still need to bring more exercise to my program, but that will come! I am still amazed at how much better I am sleeping, and again, my moods are so much better! I still struggle but not like before. And work, I have so much more patience now with certain things. Kim & I met "Harold" a really nice man who really made us feel welcome and spent some time getting to know us. I guess he sticks out because he spent so much time talking with us, and of course because he was from BAYSHORE! LOL YUP, he moved here in the 60's
before the Verrazano bridge was even finished being built! It was great meeting someone from NY! Small world it is!

Temptations are getting a lot easier to deal with and I am really excited to make an eggplant lasagna this week! I got a recipe from my friend on pastaless lasagna & since I absolutely HATE Zucchini,  I'm going to omit that & just make an eggplant lasagna! YUM! I'll let you know how it comes out & I'll share Mary's recipe with you! So excited! Going to get the ingredients this weekend!
Well, I'm tired, it's been a long week.
I hope you all have had a great week!

I'll be back tomorrow!
Good night!
Jenn

Challenging my Limits today

Don't Limit Your Challenges... Challenge Your Limits.
- Anonymous
Today was one of those days where I probably would have blown my program if I didn't talk to Adam at work! He really is a big help! I have not cheated at all, and it's almost 2 weeks. I honestly haven't had the desire to cheat either! But tonight, I have been pushed to my limits! But I challenged those limits because I am feeling really stressed, so I decided to have green beans and 2 slices of chicken breast (cold cuts), and a little bit of salad dressing on it, French with bacon as a matter of fact! That was satisfying enough for me tonight. I had eaten chicken salad with peas for lunch, and just fruit for breakfast with some pistachios. I ate a clementine and a banana and then an apple later on. I picked up pineapples & grapes at the supermarket tonight! I just love pineapple, so I will bring that tomorrow for a snack.

Tonight, Lexi cooked a pizza, and boy did I really want one piece. I just didn't go near her while she ate! LOL I LOVE PIZZA! Probably as much as my friend Julie LOVES Mexican! Speaking of Julie, she is a friend & coworker and she just found out she has a really bad wheat allergy. But she really can't eat a lot more stuff too. Her favorite being Mexican, and chocolate! It's so funny because she realized that she really doesn't eat that much chocolate. However, she has Hoshimoto's the thyroid disease too, and if she eats any of the "Stuff" she is allergic to her, even for one meal, she will be sick with side effects for 6 months! SO NOT WORTH IT to me, to eat any of that! I am glad I'm following this program though. (www.marksdailyapple.com) Check it out, it's really a great program. I'm still on the weaning off the grains.

I am feeling & sleeping so much better it is amazing & I have to be honest, my depression, is almost nonexistant! Yes, I'm on meds, but seriously, this is the first time in years, that I am really not depressed or really sad. Don't get me wrong, I have insecurites like the rest of the world, but the depression is nowhere near like it has been! I can't believe that it was as simple as taking grain out of my foods. Well in speaking with Adam today, I was telling him about it, and he was saying that there are so many foods that can trigger depression. All I can say is I am so glad that I am feeling better in so many aspects of my life.

Back to Julie, I'm glad I'm doing my program so I can sit with her at lunch and be eating like her! This way I can support her. It's really hard when you are told you have to do something verses when you want to do something. She started doing the Gluten Free diet, and she's on some detox right now, but she has to go more than Gluten free, she has to do the same program I'm doing. SO, she will not be doing this alone. There are 4 other people in our  office doing it besides the 2 of us, and I am sure more will join in! Adam is so pumped about it, and he has a wealth of information! I love to talk with him because he just makes me that excited about succeeding. He asks me about the foods I'm eating & the #'s I have lost, (which I will not share here until I go to the Dr's for the official weight in, on Feb 8th, unless I go before) But he gets excited for me, which is awesome, and such a huge help! He's a really shy guy, so it's funny to see him get excited. He has always been very reserved with me, but get him talking about nutrition and he is a different person! It's almost funny. I enjoy talking to him and it has actually helped me "Get" who he is! It's awesome!

I hope if you are struggling tonight, that you challenge your limits. Don't give in to the temptations!! You can do this! We can do it together.

Well I am off to finish watching Grey's Anatomy.
I hope you all have a great night!

Godspeed!