You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ~~Eleanor Roosevelt~~



Another saying that so fits me. I need to stop and look fear in the face.

 How many of us have fears that we keep running from?

I know for me, I have several. I think part of my eating issues, NO, I know a big part of my eating issues come from my fear in having a "Normal relationship" with any man. I guess I have always felt that my outwardly appearance will make a man care about me or not. And since I had so much sexual abuse growing up, by a friends father,  it has been really hard for me. I continuously think I let that part of my life go. But honestly, when I stop & think about it, I guess deep down I have not. Hence, why I then overeat or sabotage myself when someone (especially men) give me great compliments when I am doing really well & looking good from losing some of this weight, my armour as I have called it my entire life. I don't know how to take compliments. My FNP at the Dr's office told me once, that when someone gives me a compliment, I need to smile & say Thank you. She said that I don't accept a compliment, I am always responding with "if only I lost more" or something, instead of just being proud of where I am, and just say a "thank you". Starting from here on out, that is what I am going to do. I'm going to stop beating myself up, stop knocking myself, because honestly, I'm only failing at this if I do not pick myself back up & keep on trying. So, every day, I keep on trying.

Today is a pretty good day. I have discovered that having a strawberry yogurt bar is probably not a good snack to have, because it has too much sugar and it cause me to crave sugar, which is probably why I had 2 small cookies after lunch today. Because they were left over from the big meeting the leadership team had today. I didn't even go in the room, so I should not have told my friend Julie, to get me 2. Even though the size of them together is like 1 regular cookie. I should have just not even entertained having them. But I will not beat myself up. I had the protein bar for breakfast with water at work, after I had coffee at home. Then I had a big salad, lettuce, craisins, cheese, pecans & apples for lunch with the pomegranate vinaigrette salad dressing. Then those 2 cookies, and now I am chewing gum. A friend of mine got me started on this gum called "5" it's cobalt flavor & it's sugar free. It has helped with my smoking, that's for sure. I have not had one in over 2 days. Yea, this morning, when Lexi texted me from school several times asking me to pick her up because she was sick, I really wanted one. But I resisted the temptation.

 Boy was she sick when I got there to get her.  I took her home, and was late for work. Good thing, my supervisor is great about this stuff, I was able to make up the 25 minutes I was late during my lunch hour. Can't help having a sick kid.  I hated leaving her at home alone, but it wouldn't have done me any good to be there, because she was sooo very grouchy & she needed to sleep. So she slept a few hours and was feeling a little better when I spoke to her a little while ago.

Tonight for dinner, I think we're going to have some cheesy chicken & broccoli casserole. YUMMY! It's one of my favorites!!! LOVE IT! My friend Kim gave me the recipe a while ago and I just love it!!! It's low fat, low carb low everything!

That's about it, work is a little slow at the moment, it's lunch time on the west coast so it will pick up in a few minutes I'm sure!

I hope ya'll have a great rest of the day, and a wonderful evening.

Godspeed!!
Jenn