Sometimes life doesn't go the way we have planned

 

"It's not about who hurt you and breaks you down, it's about who was always there to make you smile again."

 

This has been a crazy few days. My back has been out, my love life has taken a big dive in the toilet through no fault of my own, and then I find a lump in my breast. I need to stop asking, "WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN HAPPEN NEXT?" Because I got up this morning and my SUV battery was dead! I mean dead! Would not turn over at all! UGGGG And then I was late for work! Just what I needed.

So, I have had to say goodbye to someone I thought I loved with all my heart! Actually, I know I Love him with all my heart, but I have to mourn the relationship because he has been so dishonest with me, that I can no longer continue with him in my life.

I have been through so much, and I trusted this man more than I have ever trusted any many in my life, and he took full advantage of that! Which sucks, because I honestly thought this was the man I would grow old with. It's going to be very hard for me to not have a hardening to my heart. The wall is up. I am not going to let anyone in so easily anymore. And that is HIS FAULT!!!! How do you lie to someone you say you love? I just don't get it? odo you promise someone you will be honest with them and then continue to lie? Life has not gone the way I had planned the last few months.

Moving forward, I'm going to get back on track with my relationship with God. Going to spend more time with my family and friends and doing things I want to do!
Now, on to my lump in my right breast. I am going for a digital mammogram tomorrow & I am scared shitless! I must admit, I am feeling like "REALLY?? I can't handle anymore!"

The one person I wanted to tell, will not be in my life. HE will not be part of whatever I will be going through, because he has proven how little he cares for me!

I know whatever God puts before me, he will walk me through it and no one else. But it has been real nice to have my friend TJ, who has had several kinds of cancer, be there for me today and make me laugh when I honestly didn't feel like laughing. And made me feel like it is ok to be afraid, but that laughter is good for the soul as he said. HE was so right! He has helped me laugh more today than I have laughed in days.

ok. I'm going to stay positive. And again, remember that if things dont go as I have planned, God and my family & friends will go through it with me. Whatever that is.....

My food today was pretty good. I had coffee this morning & then I had a salad for lunch. I did have a burger for dinner. Now I'm relaxing with a glass of wine & going to climb into bed. I need to not stress about tomorrow. I have been through so much this year with my health, that I believe everything has gone well and turned around, better than expected, that hopefully tomorrow will as well.

Oh, and yes, I weighed myself this morning. Down 4lbs in my first week. WOO HOO! Very excited..
Now, keep me in your prayers for tomorrow. My appointment is at 1pm.
I'll be back tomorrow night to post and will hopefully know if it went well or not. IF I have to have an ultra sound of the lump I could be there for over 2 hours, and if not, then the results will go to my doctor and I will see her next Monday.

So, as I go through this tomorrow, I will remember all I have overcome!

This is going to be a piece of cake.... Fingers are crossed, prayers are said. God's got his hands all over this...

 

Have a great night!

Godspeed!
Jenn