Stand up to your obstacles
and do something about them.
You will find they haven't
half the strength you think they have.
~~Norman Vincent Peale~~

What an awesome quote that is today!
I am still having some back pain today. Who am I kidding, it's a lot of back pain! UGGG I can barely sit in my chair at work. I am stretched out almost laying in my chair and trying to work. I have taken 2 aleeve's and it has NOT touched the pain. That is how I know it is bad. I took a dilaudid last night, which I was hoping would help me sleep. NOT SO MUCH! So, I'm suffering today not just of back pain, but lack of sleep for the last 2 nights an of course what else, heart ache in my love life while I am trying to work out some other life issues.

I wanted to just stay in bed and not get out today. It took every ounce of me to get out of bed & face today with a smile. It is very apparent that something is wrong with me, as the pain shows in my face! The pain from my back, the pain from life in general today. But because of the pain in my back, I can fake everything else to get through the day. I can keep putting that "SMILE ON MY FACE" and telling everyone I am fine, I'll be fine, I just need to go home & get into bed with a heating pad & some muscle relaxers. Which is definitely what will happen tonight when I get home, which is why I am writing now. I for the first time today, took the elevator downstairs to my department after getting my hot chocolate this morning. I have never taken that thing. But I got halfway up the stairs & thought I was going to pass out from the pain, so I thought it best, and a friend of mine suggested it when I was going up! LOL I work with some of the greatest people, they are so caring. They really are! I always say, how GOD put me in this job for a reason. These coworkers, and friends of mine have really helped me grow as a person. They have enriched my life so much, and they probably have NO idea how much they have! Each & every one of them that I consider my friend.

As I sit here, the pain is unbearable. I'm tired, in pain & HUNGRY! So, I almost got the poptart I have in my desk. But instead I reached in the draw & got a protein bar! I really wanted that pop tart! Food has always comforted me, but here I go again, and I am facing my demons and praying continuously for God to give me the strength to get through this, to get through all of my challenges, because honestly, I can not do it by myself. (Thanks for the reminder LJ).
Let me just mention LJ for a minute. She is an amazing woman who I am so proud to call my friend. When I lost my job, I volunteered for her at church and we got to know each other really well. The one thing I Love most about her, and mind you, she's in her 20's, so I'm old enough to be her Mom, she is so full of God, and so full of knowledge that whenever I need a reminder to keep My focus on God & keep him in the middle, I either run into her at church, or she messages me after reading something I have posted. She reads the "IN BETWEEN" The words I have left unspoken. She contacts me and just knows what to say, and I know God has brought this amazing young woman into my life, because she has taught me so much about myself, about God, and just about Love & Life in general! She's not perfect, and that's the beauty of it. But she is truly amazing! I love you girl! Thank you for always being my friend & always knowing when I need you!!! And of course Thank you for reading my blog! :)

So, I sit here, I have a ton of work to do and I'm going to get on it in a minute, but I am so glad I have started writing this blog again. It's not anything important for anyone else, it's really all about me, for me to get stuff out of my head so that I can stay strong, and those that read it, some I hear from, so I don't which is fine, but I love the support I get, knowing that I am not alone in this battle.

I weighed myself today which I normally would have waited until Monday morning to do, but I wanted to see how I was doing so far, and I know I have lost a lot of water weight, because I have lost 3 lbs already & today is only day 5. So, I'll be excited to see what Monday brings. When I see the loss, it really helps motivate me. I am starting to feel better from eating little to no grain. I will have a little every once in a while with a meal, like maybe a little rice, but I'm staying away from the main grains which is bread, crackers, and all that crap.

I hope you all have a great evening. I will not post this to my facebook until tonight because I don't have facebook access from my work computer, but I will definitely share it later. If you happened to read this early in the day, you get a preview before everyone else who comes through facebook.

Ok I'm back to post this to facebook, and wanted to finish my day. I had an apple pecan salad from Wendy's for lunch. And my back hurts so bad I can't eat, I had 2 bites of chicken salad for dinner and was too nauseous, so I am taking a pill and hoping to fall asleep! If anyone reading this was wondering where I'd be, it's bed! Good night all!
I'll be back over the weekend!

Godspeed!!
Jenn