Smile.
Today would be a wonderful day not to take life so seriously.
Today may end up the way you prefer~
and it may not.
Happiness is not about being a winner~
it's about being gentle with life~
being gentle with yourself.
Let life be a dance,
and choose the kind of dance you want for today~
perhaps a gentle loving dance.
~Jonathan  Lockwood Huie


Well I have gotten so many supportive comments about my post yesterday and I appreciate it more than any of you could ever know.
I truly do not blame anyone for the decisions & mistakes I have made. My point for writing & sharing yesterday was to reach out to other parents of teenagers that have or still are going through some tough times with their teens. It's my way of sharing & saying, "It really will get better!"
I think I may have offended a few, because someone unfriended me & another blocked me. Kind of funny that face book really brings out the infantile behavior it does.  It actually is so shocking to me because honestly, my purpose for my posts or my blog is not to hurt anyone elses feelings. It's to share mine and while I will not point fingers & name people in my blog that would damage their reputation or their name, I guess if the Truth hurts, you have to chose to behave like that. But whatever... Do as you wish. I guess hearing that I am NOT owning the things that were said to me, about me, and that I Have chosen to forgive and move on, struck a nerve?? Maybe the fact that I didn't lie, and they may know it now, well... too bad, the damage is done and I already told them that our relationship was or would be destroyed when the truth came out. They claimed then that they knew the truth and it really wasn't the truth. I guess since their truth wasn't the actual truth that made it hard for them to read? I don't know, I'm not in their head, and don't know them as well as I thought I had... It really is OK! I mean it! Lexi & I have moved forward and since we know the truth, know what the actual facts are about the entire situation, you chose to place blame. IF that makes some feel better because their distorted version makes them look at themselves in the mirror easier, that's ok. I get it.. If you chose to believe someone else, who has ALWAYS Blamed everyone else for the things in her life that have gone wrong & NEVER taken responsibility for the mistakes she's made, HAVE AT IT!!!
Their version is distorted and not the true facts, and I even confirmed that!!!
All I know, is I am tired of people judging me and trying to dictate to me how I should be a parent. Seriously until you actually walk in my shoes, and live in my house every day now, your judgement of me, doesn't matter at all. I have moved on. I am here to share and this is MY BLOG! You don't like it, Don't read it, you don't want to know the truth DON'T READ THIS!!! END OF STORY! Let it go, let Lexi & I live our lives and be happy with NO JUDGEMENT FROM YOU and the others...
Sometimes, people deal with things in a way I wouldn't, and that's ok, it's whatever works for you. Always easier to place blame because really, how could things happen if we don't place blame on the wrong people??
Like I said yesterday, I am not a perfect person and I am truly working harder than I ever have in my life to heal myself and make me a better person. What a shame that people who have always claimed to care, could truly care less about the truth. It's really ok!
Ok, now on to some other great things.
Day 21 and counting with a quiet household & NO Fighting! HUGE!!!! In our house. My housemate who is the closest to us and sees what goes on in our house, knows the truth and ALWAYS has my back! Susan is an amazing friend and has become a sister to me. She has helped me through some really tough times, we have laughed and cried together, and boy have we laughed and cried a lot lately! Well I have done the crying lately, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I have such a soft heart when it comes to people I care about, and she has listened to me for endless hours... and I will always b e truly grateful to her! She has no idea how much her love & friendship means to me. That it is unconditional. Let's face it, I'm not always the easiest to live with. In the past, I was pretty hard to live with. I hated living with myself at times. Kind of ironic in a funny kind of way. I had so much "STUFF" from my past that I kept thinking I dealt with, and really I had only dealt with the surface. NOW I have an awesome counselor who calls me out on EVERYTHING! Amanda is awesome!!! She will not let me get away with anything. But what I like about her, is that I go in there & say, Ok, I need to get this off my chest, and there is nothing you could say that would make me feel any differently or any worse than what I have done to myself in the past. And being honest is 100% part of the reason why I am able to let go of certain people and move on. She picks apart every part of what I say and makes me answer well "WHY, did you react that way before?"  And what makes you react differently now?
Finding someone who is that way and who after years of having been in & out of counseling, she has been by far the best person I have ever spoken with and who has helped me help myself & it's a continued daily process. She so gets me, my thinking and although doesn't always agree on things, she tells me why, and truly makes me see it from someone elses point of view, which I honestly wasn't that willing to deal with before.
She is why Lexi & I are making such great strides in our relationship & having a healthy relationship. Lexi's counselor is perfect for her, soft and kind hearted and really gets Lexi. Amanda, gets me & gives it to me. NOT Many people want a counselor like that, but me, I need someone like that!

So, I allowed Lexi to go to her first big party last night. I was a little conflicted because of some choices in friends she has made in the past, and I needed to give her a little and let her show me that she really is trying to keep GOD in the center of her life, and she is showing me every day how much she is trying to stay on track with her life.. Teenagers do stupid things, (to us anyway, not stupid to them) but I'm so proud of the recent changes she has made in her life. Being a teenager in today's world is so hard. And let's face it, being a parent in today's world is hard. I remember my Mom and many other parents who raised kids in my generation say "I'm so glad I'm not raising children today with all the technology that is out there today!" I'm hear to tell you it's hard. They have access & know how to access so much more than we do. I am on face book, not on twitter like so many of my friends. I used to be on MySpace & swore I'd never get on face book! LOL I haven't accessed MySpace in forever, a few years at least. But twitter, I wouldn't even know how to get to it. Then there's tumbler and a few other sites. Instagram too! What is that? I don't know how to even get on to that! So, I guess that is where I have lost some control as a parent, because when I tried to take the phone away, I had no idea, that from an even disconnected iPhone that she could access all her social media sites if she could connect to a wifi! Did you know that? Cause I was shocked when I found that out! Oh boy, and did that cause some trouble in our lives. I swore she couldn't access it, and she was.... When I found that out, boy oh boy was I mad!!!
Now I'm on to it, and have many people watching out for me, because I still can't figure out how to access it. Besides I have a windows phone that doesn't let me access so much of that stuff & I can't get the apps on my phone.
These were all learning processes for me. Ugh talk about feeling foolish & feeling like a complete idiot. But today, I'm trusting that there is more honesty going on, than deceit.
Well I'm rambling again, I guess I needed to share some experiences that made me look & feel foolish. Have you felt like I have at times? I thought, there is nothing my child could do that I Haven't already done or experienced, but she has so much access to social media and other things that I just don't get...
I am hear to tell you, YUP, it's harder than hell to raise children in today's world! But we'll make it our parents did. After all, so did each generation before. But we have to remember to stay tough and Love our children unconditionally..

GodSpeed!!!