People take different roads seeking
fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr
Life can lead us down so many different roads. The roads people take may not be the same as me, but that's ok. I have hit a few bumps in the road in my years on this earth. I have made some really good decisions, and made some really, really bad ones too. Those I would like to forget at times, but then I remind myself that the wrong roads I have walked, have probably taught me the most lessons. They have shaped me into who I am today.
I try so hard to see all the good in people, maybe even try to see good that others may not even be able to see, I still believe that everyone has some good in them.
I'm going to share an experience that has happened in my life recently. I'm not going to mention names because I don't want to ruin his reputation, even though I don't even owe him that. But he taught me some really good lessons and I want to share them.
I reconnected with someone I went to High School with. He was in my grade, and he was in one of my classes. I remember him very well because I had such a crush on him in 11th grade. Who he is, doesn't matter. But face book reconnected us. He & I were trying to remember who friended who, and he was sure, he had friended me. Anyway, our friendship developed on face book, and we became fast friends! One thing about me, is I don't always let people in & trust them, but he, he became a fast friend. We would talk about the old days, people we remembered, what happened to people, who changed and really surprised us by how they had changed for the better! It was fun. We found that we were talking more & more and he was messaging me every time I was online. I so enjoyed our long conversations. We hadn't seen each other since the day we graduated High School, but we talked, laughed and shared so much over the long hours of conversation. I really trusted him, thought he was being honest, and well, I shared some experiences of my life, that very few know about and he was so sympathetic and he really seemed to care. He said all the right things to me too!
Well something happened in my life, and I was going to stay off face book and I sent him my cell # & said Keep in touch, you can text if you want, but if not, that's cool. Immediately, he texted me with his number. The conversations on text were long and we graduated to speaking on the phone, every night, the texts were all the time, good mornings, and just letting me know he was thinking of me, and vise versa.
Anyway, there was a part of me that wanted to believe, that someone from my High School days, could really enter my life and want a future with me. See, a few of my friends have had that experience, and they reconnected with people from school & got their happily ever after.
And mine & his relationship on the phone was going in that direction. We shared so many of the same dreams and wanted the same things from a partner. He shared with me that his wife was ill, and that he was separated. Then he sprung on me how sick he was. I didn't let that stop me from speaking with him. He knew all the medical terms, I never doubted him at all. I work in the medical field and I knew so many of those terms, there was no way he could make this stuff up.
Well, guess what, after weeks of making me think he was knocking at deaths door, I got a phone call.... You guessed it, from his wife... I had no idea what to think, he told me she was mentally sick, he told me she was not around much for their kids & made me believe in this whole stupid fairytale... Then she & I put 2 & 2 together, and he kept telling me one thing and her another. I even had her listen on one phone while he professed his love for me, even though we had not seen each other in 25+ years, and I asked him, why did you lie, and why did you say that & He insisted that he didn't lie, and she sat there quietly & said nothing, but knew I was not lying about the things he had told me.
I felt like I was in a nightmare... This man, I knew as a kid, and ended up trusting as an adult, had played me, and I mean, in the worst way. Tore my heart right out of my body. This had gone on for months... I don't fall for people over the phone, or the computer, but boy, this was like a world win.. IT was crazy!! It really was, we kept saying how crazy it was that we enjoyed talking so much, hours would go by and we'd feel like we had been on the phone a few minutes. He helped me through a really dark time in my life, and for that I will forever be grateful, and that is probably why I don't hate him. I actually feel bad for him, that he felt he had to lie, and make up this whole fake world because had he been honest, I'd have liked him anyway!
One would be bitter, or angry right? Nope, I'm not, it was a learning experience for me. I no longer speak to him, for obvious reasons. I don't wish any bad to happen to him, I pray for him and hope that someday he will "MAN UP" and admit what he did. He was caught & still continued to lie, not just to me but to his wife too. And he kept insisting to me that she was lying and he kept insisting to her that I was lying, when he was the only one lying.
This experience made me realize that if something sounds too good to be true, it must be too good to be true. I still miss him, and our conversations, even though most of them were lies. I miss the person he made me think he was. I miss the way he made me laugh when he told me the dumbest jokes. I still smile when I think of him and those times of laughter! But I'm so thankful for the experience, because although it was another bump in the road, it made me realize that I am still looking for love and still allowing my heart to be open to let someone love me and be a part of my life. This one was so wrong, and that's ok! This is something out of the twilight zone, lol it really is. I have never been cruel, and felt like he had been so cruel, I even asked him, WHY? HE said that he does love me and does want to be part of my life, but I told him what I wanted and when he was saying he understood & wanted the same thing, I responded with an ok, because I know, he can never & will never be the one who gets my heart! I am a hopeless romantic & believe that someday, the most amazing man will enter my life, and be here to grow old with me. This experience would have hardened any ones heart, but not mine. I'm just a hopeless romantic, what can I say. I'm glad to know that I can still feel, and love even if this was not in the normal way.
I will definitely be more guarded with my heart, and not do the whole Internet thing and definitely not jump heart first into something. But I'm so thankful for the joy I felt even though it was for a little while, and even though, he made that person up.... I'm glad I found out before I invested so much more time then the few months that I did! Like I said, he helped me through a really dark time in my life, and for that, I will always be grateful, so where ever you are, if you are reading this... THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME, in the only way you knew how, and for finally letting me go, to move on and put you behind me.
I don't even know what my purpose for writing about him was. I guess because I needed to get this "Skeleton" out of my closet. But also, to show that even when you travel a road that you probably shouldn't go down, and you do, doesn't mean it was a wrong road, it just means that it wasn't the best road, but again, there are lessons to be learned on any road you take.
I'm so thankful for the different roads I have traveled, because, yes, they have made me stronger and made me appreciate the true friends that I do have in my life.
Ok, I'm going to end this now. Be Thankful for every road you travel even if the lessons were tough and not what you expected. Use the experience, even if it was not a pleasant one, to teach you to be a stronger person. Don't let the person that hurt you, and tore your heart out, consume you! BE THANKFUL, and Thank GOD that you were able to get out or end that relationship...
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
Godspeed!!
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