Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle
of anxiety or the handle of faith.
~ Henry Ward Beecher

I had a great night last night with a friend that I have not seen in a good 6 months or so.
I had gone to church last night with the girls and I was so glad I did. It was very deep, but very good. It was called God in a Box. And how we in times of trouble & sadness sometimes blame GOD, and sometimes pull away from him and start to lose faith in times of hurt, disappointment and troubles. When in essence we should grab hold of our faith, and give it over to him.  I know for me, that is what I tend to do at times. There are times I grab hold of my faith and go to church every week, and I know that is the right thing for me to do, because I always feel so much better when I go. But since April, I have not gone to church every week. I have gone sporadically because I had so much stuff going on, that I allowed my day to day life, and my depression, keep me from being where I needed to be. I used to tell people, "Ya know, I"m not overly religious, and I don't push my beliefs on people." which I don't, but for me, my relationship with God, is a personal one, and I share it with those that ask. Yes, I pray every day. There are times I pray several times a day. I have people ask me to pray for them, which I absolutely love! Those closest to me, know that going to church, and my relationship with God is very important to me.
So, here's what I learned while listening to last nights sermon about issues, and God using us to learn from our mistakes or pain or teach others. Then WHY do I struggle with my weight? I have beat every other obstacle that God has put before me. I do so well, then I sabotage myself. I write this blog, then at times I stop. I realized last night, that I struggle with my weight because when I start to fall off my path, that I know I want to be on, God wants me to hang on tight to him, and keep on going! HE wants me to learn from others and yet teach others that we are not all perfect. Yes, I know, Jesus died on the cross so that one day when it's our time, I will be perfect in God's eyes, because of that. However, God already knows our path, already knows the suffering we are going to go through, before we even go through it. So, why? Why am I feeling like such a failure with my weight loss journey? I'm not a failure. I fall, I get back up and I start again! I have so many amazing friends & of course my family that have supported me through my endless journey with this issue. I don't write this blog because I want recognition for my hard work, I write it because if one person can learn from my mistakes, or maybe feel like "YAY I AM NOT ALONE" someone else is struggling just like me, than me pouring out my heart on this site at times, will all have been worth it.

I write about my life, because I don't live a perfect life. I make mistakes, and some of them are HUGE!!! Some of them are mistakes I know before I put both feet out & jump into the water, that I shouldn't even attempt to do it. But I do, because I am human, I am not perfect. I Make mistakes, and it's awesome to see who is there after I have jumped and land on my ASS in the water. And sometimes it's shocking to see who actually is not there at the bottom. Sometimes those are the hardest to adjust too. And then, when I emerge from the water and see who is not standing there, I beat myself up because I have maybe made a bad choice, or whatever the reason. I am a "WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET" Kind of girl. I NO LONGER care if people like me, because my circle of friends is enough for me. I am always open to making new friends, and I welcome them too. I am a friend for life, if you want me to be, but if you don't, that's ok too. I'm learning that God brings people into our lives for as long as they're supposed to be there. And when they go, yes, some loss of friendships have been hard to lose, while others that I never expected to be awesome friends, are the ones that stick around. I am grateful for each and every one of my friends. Each and every one of them have taught me something. Some have taught me, that well, I don't want to have them in my life because I deserve to be treated better, and Good riddance, and I am glad you taught me what I don't want in my life, and then their are those that have blessed my life, more than they could ever know.
Well I hadn't planned on writing so much today. I figured I'd write a short one since I didn't write last night, and then write more tonight. So, maybe tonight's will be short? Who knows...
Yesterday I had a shake and coffee in the morning, well more like around 12:30, then for I didn't eat anything until dinner which I had a teriyaki burger wrapped in lettuce with grilled pineapple on it, and I had gluten free french fries. Oh, let's not forget the Blue Moon with orange that I had, and then a glass of wine once we got home and my friend & I chatted & hung out for hours. It's always so great to kick back and relax and visit with friends. Especially those that mean so much to us.
I really wanted to have another shake yesterday late afternoon, but I had to rush to get ready to go to church because I had a side job yesterday and worked out for almost 4 hours. I,of course hurt my back, cause when the heck will I ever learn? Oh well, I'm glad I went to church, and glad I got to spend time with my friend.

I will be back later tonight to write about today.
Hope you all have a great day! And remember We are all here to learn from each other and we may even teach people things. Take what you want from my blog, and leave the rest!

God Speed!
Jenn