Today was not just an ordinary day....

Life is a mirror, and will reflect back
to the thinker what he thinks into it.
- Ernest Holmes

Those of you that know me really well, now that me & mirrors just aren't friends. Did you ever know anyone who could look in a mirror to do their hair & makeup and never look at the rest of themselves? That has always been me... I hate mirrors, although it's getting easier to look at myself a little more every day as the weight comes off, or should I say as my masks & Armour come off.

My weight as many of you know has always been my armour. I am ashamed to say that I had let it consume me, thinking no one would want me. That no man would ever want someone who looked like me. Then I was talking with a guy friend of mine recently and he told me something that just has stuck in my head. He told me I was a magnet! I was very flattered, I was like how so, he said my personality is a magnet that it draws people in. I guess I come off confident, which I am. Especially at work or when I am out. I am good at having that mask on, but deep down, I am insecure of who I am.. SHOCKING RIGHT?? LOL Seriously though, I am really insecure when it comes to me because I have continuously failed at dieting and this is the first time I am actually succeeding so it's actually helping me be even more confident.
My goal is to get to a decent weight but show my Lexi that I am strong enough & I can do this. She like the rest of you know, I have battled drug addiction, and so many other issues, that this should be the easiest, and of course it's the hardest thing I have ever done.

Today I went to see a nutritionist, and she was good during the one on one stuff, then I went to a big seminar and that really sucked, it was through work and the lady was just not that good in a large group!

I am going to cut this one short tonight. The guy that I have been talking to is a little younger than me. ok a lot younger than me, he's 30! YES I told him I am too old for him. Today I had to break it to him that I was just not willing to be more than friends with someone that much younger than me, but let's face it, the other part is that he is apparently only 5ft tall. Now, I feel terrible and would not tell him that is why I am not interested, cause he really is a nice guy, BUT I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER CHILD! And my child is 5'6 so that just will not work.. She's taller than him! LOL I'm sorry if that makes me a snob, but I just can't do it, and of course I told him, I am done having kids and he still want kids, so let's just be friends, he is a little to needy too, glad I am able to just be who I am and say, SORRY!!! I hate to be mean, but I am not willing to risk my dignity at all!
I ate pretty well today, I had my protein bar this morning then I had a big salad with chicken in it, it really was awesome, I like when I make a nice one from home. And dinner, I went with my best friend and got burgers (mine in a lettuce wrap) for her birthday. Service was terrible and I got my food for free since they didn't make it as a wrap, then my pineapples weren't on there, so the manager gave it to me for free! It was a great time though because she & I needed to hang out!

Well going to bed, Good night all!
Godspeed!!
Jenn