Struggling lately

Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Ugh, did you ever feel like you needed to forgive yourself to move on? We always talk about having to forgive others and what a gift it is to ourselves, and well, lately I am having a really hard time  just with life. I decided to join a dating site, and I am getting some really great and flattering attention. So what is wrong? Right? Well, I honestly thought I was really ready to date & settle down with someone else. And well, I'm thinking I need to just be single. I know, having a long distance relationship with someone you didn't see all that much, well, we talked and skyped and emailed and texted and yes, our relationship had grown in leaps and bounds... Well it's really hard when you love someone, really love someone to just "MOVE ON". I have really liked the attention  I am getting, it really and truly is flattering, but going anywhere, I am really gun shy. I don't know. I think I am going to take a little time to just figure out what & who I really want in my life by way of a life long partner.
I get lonely at times, but I am never really alone. I LOVE My quiet time by myself at the end of the day. I like being able to go out with friends, and not having to answer to anyone if I am going out with a guy friend for a drink.

Oh well, so I  put all these expectations on myself, they really are unrealistic expectations, I worry about things that you would not worry about for weeks or even months into a relationship. but i put those stresses on myself. Crazy. So I am in a way starting to feel like I am going to sabotage myself with my successes. I am aware of it, so I am not going too, but at times, I feel myself slipping. Like I am going to lose control, because I like to be in complete control.

So, I guess I am going to back off the dating site for a little bit, see what happens. I don't know. Mother's Day is coming and Lexi & I are going to hang out this weekend. Friday she'll be with her friends, Saturday we will go to church then go to a birthday party for my friends daughter, then who knows what else. Then Sunday is Mother's Day so Lexi is going to cook dinner. She cooks for me EVERY Mother's Day & I love it.

Tonight I went out to dinner with my friends from work Julie, Andrea, Susan & Marie Elena for Marie Elena's birthday. Of course there was something wrong with my food & it had to go back. That has been the story of my life for the last few weeks whenever I go out. But I ate off the Gluten Free menu and because my dinner was wrong and I had to order something else, they gave me a complimentary dessert and it was gluten free. I can't think of the name of it, but it was something Italian, and it was awesome!! Dinner was great and the company was great. I have some amazing friends at work, and we have become such great friends, it's really nice.

Well I am really going to try to get on here & write every day again, I think that will help me stay on track!
Oh well, Have a great night everyone!
Godspeed!
Jenn