Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.
It is the belief that God will do what is right.
- Max Lucado
So, without getting into to much, I have cut down on coming here and cut down on face book because some stuff has been going on, and I have really needed to retreat into myself. I have had some stuff come up that has really made me question WHO I AM! And for me, that is really hard. I know who I am, and what I want in life, but I have really started to second guess myself and I have really allowed situations to get in my way of staying on track. I am barely hanging on right now with everything. I have suffered some major anxiety/panic attacks this week, and it's only Wednesday and it has honestly been a while since that has happened. I tend to sabotage myself when life gets way too stressful, and I have pulled back from almost every one in my life. There are 3 people in my life who I have not pulled back from. They know my heart and know what I am feeling... Life is just way hard right now. I just don't even know how to explain what I am feeling.. I'm trying to keep the faith, and sometimes that is so hard.
On to some good stuff. And kind of funny stuff too. Well I am continuously getting emails from guys who are 30-31 from this dating site and it's kind of funny yet annoying. It was flattering but really is annoying. I have in my profile that I do not want to have any more children of my own, because I have one but I would welcome someone Else's, and that I want someone 38-49. Ok, the guy who has peaked my interest the most is 53. A little older than I wanted to get involved with originally,but through our conversations he seems really nice. He has mentioned meeting, and I am seriously considering meeting him soon. He seems so incredible but not "too good to be true" which is good, cause the "too goo to be true: (as my mom always said, if it sounds too good to be true, odds are it is too good to be true! lol) AND HE IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. He just seems really awesome. So we shall see. I'm still talking to Greg too and Rick, I like Rick too, Greg, is not getting as much attention from me anymore because he was laying it on way too thick. So, we shall see. One of these days, I may stop being chicken and get the nerve to accept a date from Donnie (the 53 year old) and go out with him.
I'm definitely not going after the young ones, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A COUGAR! LOL I want to just go out and have a good time and see where things go, see what life has to offer me.
Well hopefully within the next 2 weeks, I'll have some more stuff on here about it.
Ugh, my lifestyle change has not been 100% but I am sticking to it for the most part, but man, when the anxiety hits, it's hard. I have been chewing a lot of gum! Lol
oh well, gotta finish watching American Idol then going to bed.
Hope you all have a great night!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
I'm sorry your going through such a slump. It's strange, because all week, I have felt the same way. The least little thing ticks me off and I want it over. If suicide wasn't against the church it would be such an easy oiut. Listen to me, who has so much going in life and feel like there is nothing. I hope whatever is bothering you passes fast. Right now, Jim is at softball, and this being alone feeling is not good. Love you my friend.
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