We're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone-
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust,
neither can we find love or joy.
~~Walter Anderson
Can I just say that I am happy I am out of my funk that I was in last week. So glad I was able to get out of it on Friday night. Got to spend the evening with a really good friend who really made me laugh! We had a great time over dinner and just hung out at my house for the evening! Thank you friend! :)
I am really looking forward to meeting one of the guys that I have been talking to the last few weeks, he'll be here this weekend. He will be coming into town and staying at a hotel about 20 minutes away. I'm nervous but excited, but it's official! I am really going to meet him. This should be fun, but a little weird. Not sure what I am going to wear, thank GOD I get paid this week, maybe I'll buy a new top. Lord knows I don't need new shoes. :)
Ugh, Am I really going to do this? Yea, what have I got to lose? We have been talking on the computer and phone now, so we shall see what happens. Can't hurt to just meet eachother, and I am not having major expectations. Just going to wait and see what happens. He is definitely a nice guy though! SO excited!!!
Work was crazy busy today. Which is definitely a good thing! I put in for a few hours off next week to see Lexi perform "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston. It's going to be great, Lexi's going to be awesome! She is singing it for her final talent show at the Middle School. I can't believe my baby is going to graduate Middle School!!
We are going to be making some major changes in our lives. Starting today.
I am not even going to comment about it right now, I'm too pissed off to write about it, but I promise you, I will be writing about it very soon.
I have got to get off this computer!!! I'm going to finish watching tv & hit the sack early!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Jenn's Lifestyle Change
Jenn
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness's of other people.~~~ Carl Jung
Well it's been a minute since I have been here to post. I really need to get back into the swing of writing again. Some days it's so hard! I am so tired at the end of the work day and I just don't want to get online.
I have had an awesome weekend. I got a lot of rest, but I have been emailing with an amazing guy that I am going to get to see soon. I am also really interested in Donnie, who is the older guy. HE also makes me smile when I read his emails. But his daughter broke her arm on a swing a few days ago, so he's been caught up with that. Poor thing, she sounds like the sweetest little girl and he really loves his daughter and dotes on her which is so sweet.
Guy #1, melts my heart. I have met him. HE is absolutely AMAZING!!!! What can I say. He has definitely put a spark in my heart and a spring in my step. We have been emailing a lot lately. Well we have for a while, but more so the last few days which has been really nice. We are very compatible. It's awesome!! I think about him all the time, and well, we shall see where it goes. HE is very sweet to me!!! And honest, which is really important to me!
Guy #2, Donnie, I am really looking forward to meeting him soon! We are in the process of deciding when we will be meeting and where. With the holiday weekend, we wanted to wait an may meet up next weekend. We shall see!!
I got a lot of rest this weekend, spent time at the tool with my sister and nephews and of course Lexi. I got SO MUCH COLOR!!! I love to be tan. IT makes me feel good to have some color! Besides I Don't have to wear cover up either. Which is one of the reasons I Love the warm weather and getting tan. I also got to go to a BBQ at my good friend Susan's which was so much fun. We got to meet all her friends that she speaks so highly of. Melly had a good time too! :) HE was very good on the drive which was the longest he had ever been in the car, and it was a long ride, 1 1/2 hours each way. But now I know why I don't take him on trips! Cause he had to sit on my lap or on my shoulder the entire time which made it really difficult to drive. He didn't want to sit with Lexi which was so hard. He got to play with Susan's dogs which was so funny to watch him. He loved her Logan, but Kaylee, he could have done with out! She was more aggressive. One of her neighbors told Lexi that "When" she makes it on to American Idol he will finance her the entire time which was incredibly nice. Joe and his wife don't have kids, so it was very sweet that he took a liking to Lexi. Everyone kept commenting on how beautiful she was, and what beautiful eyes she had. She was shocked because she didn't have a lot of makeup on, which she doesn't need it anyway, and you could really see her eyes. So, I think all the compliments hopefully helped that she will NOW wear less makeup! I can only hope!
Today at the pool she met a friend of a friend of hers, and she now is talking to a boy who is going to be a grade ahead of her, and he lives in my Mom's neighborhood, which is awesome, so she will be able to have some kids to hang out with at the pool this summer! I'm glad. I Was watching her with the older boys and she is really confident when she speaks and how she really carries herself, no wonder why the older boys like her, these boys thought she was older than them! LOL She was like NO, I'm going into 9th grade!
God, My baby is going to be entering HIGH SCHOOL! Is that possible? Where has the time gone?
So glad to have been able to get out of this funk I was in! It had been a rough week at work, and having the long weekend really helped!
Well I need to hit the sack and get some sleep. I'm hoping sleep will come easy since I got a lot more sun again today, and have been tired but kept myself up to emailing with a certain someone!!! :)
I hope you all have a great rest of the evening, and a great Monday!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Well it's been a minute since I have been here to post. I really need to get back into the swing of writing again. Some days it's so hard! I am so tired at the end of the work day and I just don't want to get online.
I have had an awesome weekend. I got a lot of rest, but I have been emailing with an amazing guy that I am going to get to see soon. I am also really interested in Donnie, who is the older guy. HE also makes me smile when I read his emails. But his daughter broke her arm on a swing a few days ago, so he's been caught up with that. Poor thing, she sounds like the sweetest little girl and he really loves his daughter and dotes on her which is so sweet.
Guy #1, melts my heart. I have met him. HE is absolutely AMAZING!!!! What can I say. He has definitely put a spark in my heart and a spring in my step. We have been emailing a lot lately. Well we have for a while, but more so the last few days which has been really nice. We are very compatible. It's awesome!! I think about him all the time, and well, we shall see where it goes. HE is very sweet to me!!! And honest, which is really important to me!
Guy #2, Donnie, I am really looking forward to meeting him soon! We are in the process of deciding when we will be meeting and where. With the holiday weekend, we wanted to wait an may meet up next weekend. We shall see!!
I got a lot of rest this weekend, spent time at the tool with my sister and nephews and of course Lexi. I got SO MUCH COLOR!!! I love to be tan. IT makes me feel good to have some color! Besides I Don't have to wear cover up either. Which is one of the reasons I Love the warm weather and getting tan. I also got to go to a BBQ at my good friend Susan's which was so much fun. We got to meet all her friends that she speaks so highly of. Melly had a good time too! :) HE was very good on the drive which was the longest he had ever been in the car, and it was a long ride, 1 1/2 hours each way. But now I know why I don't take him on trips! Cause he had to sit on my lap or on my shoulder the entire time which made it really difficult to drive. He didn't want to sit with Lexi which was so hard. He got to play with Susan's dogs which was so funny to watch him. He loved her Logan, but Kaylee, he could have done with out! She was more aggressive. One of her neighbors told Lexi that "When" she makes it on to American Idol he will finance her the entire time which was incredibly nice. Joe and his wife don't have kids, so it was very sweet that he took a liking to Lexi. Everyone kept commenting on how beautiful she was, and what beautiful eyes she had. She was shocked because she didn't have a lot of makeup on, which she doesn't need it anyway, and you could really see her eyes. So, I think all the compliments hopefully helped that she will NOW wear less makeup! I can only hope!
Today at the pool she met a friend of a friend of hers, and she now is talking to a boy who is going to be a grade ahead of her, and he lives in my Mom's neighborhood, which is awesome, so she will be able to have some kids to hang out with at the pool this summer! I'm glad. I Was watching her with the older boys and she is really confident when she speaks and how she really carries herself, no wonder why the older boys like her, these boys thought she was older than them! LOL She was like NO, I'm going into 9th grade!
God, My baby is going to be entering HIGH SCHOOL! Is that possible? Where has the time gone?
So glad to have been able to get out of this funk I was in! It had been a rough week at work, and having the long weekend really helped!
Well I need to hit the sack and get some sleep. I'm hoping sleep will come easy since I got a lot more sun again today, and have been tired but kept myself up to emailing with a certain someone!!! :)
I hope you all have a great rest of the evening, and a great Monday!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I have really been tested lately...
Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.
It is the belief that God will do what is right.
- Max Lucado
So, without getting into to much, I have cut down on coming here and cut down on face book because some stuff has been going on, and I have really needed to retreat into myself. I have had some stuff come up that has really made me question WHO I AM! And for me, that is really hard. I know who I am, and what I want in life, but I have really started to second guess myself and I have really allowed situations to get in my way of staying on track. I am barely hanging on right now with everything. I have suffered some major anxiety/panic attacks this week, and it's only Wednesday and it has honestly been a while since that has happened. I tend to sabotage myself when life gets way too stressful, and I have pulled back from almost every one in my life. There are 3 people in my life who I have not pulled back from. They know my heart and know what I am feeling... Life is just way hard right now. I just don't even know how to explain what I am feeling.. I'm trying to keep the faith, and sometimes that is so hard.
On to some good stuff. And kind of funny stuff too. Well I am continuously getting emails from guys who are 30-31 from this dating site and it's kind of funny yet annoying. It was flattering but really is annoying. I have in my profile that I do not want to have any more children of my own, because I have one but I would welcome someone Else's, and that I want someone 38-49. Ok, the guy who has peaked my interest the most is 53. A little older than I wanted to get involved with originally,but through our conversations he seems really nice. He has mentioned meeting, and I am seriously considering meeting him soon. He seems so incredible but not "too good to be true" which is good, cause the "too goo to be true: (as my mom always said, if it sounds too good to be true, odds are it is too good to be true! lol) AND HE IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. He just seems really awesome. So we shall see. I'm still talking to Greg too and Rick, I like Rick too, Greg, is not getting as much attention from me anymore because he was laying it on way too thick. So, we shall see. One of these days, I may stop being chicken and get the nerve to accept a date from Donnie (the 53 year old) and go out with him.
I'm definitely not going after the young ones, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A COUGAR! LOL I want to just go out and have a good time and see where things go, see what life has to offer me.
Well hopefully within the next 2 weeks, I'll have some more stuff on here about it.
Ugh, my lifestyle change has not been 100% but I am sticking to it for the most part, but man, when the anxiety hits, it's hard. I have been chewing a lot of gum! Lol
oh well, gotta finish watching American Idol then going to bed.
Hope you all have a great night!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
It is the belief that God will do what is right.
- Max Lucado
So, without getting into to much, I have cut down on coming here and cut down on face book because some stuff has been going on, and I have really needed to retreat into myself. I have had some stuff come up that has really made me question WHO I AM! And for me, that is really hard. I know who I am, and what I want in life, but I have really started to second guess myself and I have really allowed situations to get in my way of staying on track. I am barely hanging on right now with everything. I have suffered some major anxiety/panic attacks this week, and it's only Wednesday and it has honestly been a while since that has happened. I tend to sabotage myself when life gets way too stressful, and I have pulled back from almost every one in my life. There are 3 people in my life who I have not pulled back from. They know my heart and know what I am feeling... Life is just way hard right now. I just don't even know how to explain what I am feeling.. I'm trying to keep the faith, and sometimes that is so hard.
On to some good stuff. And kind of funny stuff too. Well I am continuously getting emails from guys who are 30-31 from this dating site and it's kind of funny yet annoying. It was flattering but really is annoying. I have in my profile that I do not want to have any more children of my own, because I have one but I would welcome someone Else's, and that I want someone 38-49. Ok, the guy who has peaked my interest the most is 53. A little older than I wanted to get involved with originally,but through our conversations he seems really nice. He has mentioned meeting, and I am seriously considering meeting him soon. He seems so incredible but not "too good to be true" which is good, cause the "too goo to be true: (as my mom always said, if it sounds too good to be true, odds are it is too good to be true! lol) AND HE IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. He just seems really awesome. So we shall see. I'm still talking to Greg too and Rick, I like Rick too, Greg, is not getting as much attention from me anymore because he was laying it on way too thick. So, we shall see. One of these days, I may stop being chicken and get the nerve to accept a date from Donnie (the 53 year old) and go out with him.
I'm definitely not going after the young ones, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A COUGAR! LOL I want to just go out and have a good time and see where things go, see what life has to offer me.
Well hopefully within the next 2 weeks, I'll have some more stuff on here about it.
Ugh, my lifestyle change has not been 100% but I am sticking to it for the most part, but man, when the anxiety hits, it's hard. I have been chewing a lot of gum! Lol
oh well, gotta finish watching American Idol then going to bed.
Hope you all have a great night!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Another weekend has come and gone.
Patience, persistence, and perseverance.
A little more each day, a little better each day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well another weekend has come and gone. I don't understand why the weekend goes so fast but the work week drags most of the time.
I decided to get my house stuff done yesterday and I am glad I did because today was a lot nicer outside. I got to spend the entire day at the pool, and although I didn't go in the water past my waist because the water was just way too cold, I had a nice time. I got to hang out with one of my best friends for a few hours which was cool. She just finished treatment for Hep C, and is 100% cured. She's been off meds just over 2 weeks and I can't believe how much better she looks. So it was great to spend time with her.
I got so much house stuff done yesterday and I will go into the week more relaxed because of it.
I decided to stay off the dating website for most of the weekend. I went on it once yesterday and just read the emails I got, and then today I got on just a little while ago and just to read the emails & smiles I got for today and to respond to my favorite ones. Only 2 that I decided to write back.
Donnie who is so sweet, and very thoughtful, and Greg who is discovering that I have lost a lot of interest in him. It is what is it! OH well.
Back to work tomorrow.. I did ok on my lifestyle change this weekend. Not really stressing over it because it is just a way of life for me now.
Well that's about it, Hope you all have a great night and a great start to your week.
Godspeed.
Jenn
A little more each day, a little better each day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well another weekend has come and gone. I don't understand why the weekend goes so fast but the work week drags most of the time.
I decided to get my house stuff done yesterday and I am glad I did because today was a lot nicer outside. I got to spend the entire day at the pool, and although I didn't go in the water past my waist because the water was just way too cold, I had a nice time. I got to hang out with one of my best friends for a few hours which was cool. She just finished treatment for Hep C, and is 100% cured. She's been off meds just over 2 weeks and I can't believe how much better she looks. So it was great to spend time with her.
I got so much house stuff done yesterday and I will go into the week more relaxed because of it.
I decided to stay off the dating website for most of the weekend. I went on it once yesterday and just read the emails I got, and then today I got on just a little while ago and just to read the emails & smiles I got for today and to respond to my favorite ones. Only 2 that I decided to write back.
Donnie who is so sweet, and very thoughtful, and Greg who is discovering that I have lost a lot of interest in him. It is what is it! OH well.
Back to work tomorrow.. I did ok on my lifestyle change this weekend. Not really stressing over it because it is just a way of life for me now.
Well that's about it, Hope you all have a great night and a great start to your week.
Godspeed.
Jenn
Friday, May 18, 2012
Finally think I made my choice on the guy....
Wonder what opportunities you pass, unwittingly,
because your hands are so busy clasping
what you think you have always known.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Thank God it's Friday! I can't believe today got here! This seemed to be the longest week ever!!
My food choices this week were good, but I have to tell you, I did not eat enough protein and other stuff. I ate way too much salad so I wasn't getting enough nourishment. I was nauseous all day! Then I went to lunch with one of my friends from work and he told me I didn't have enough protein. And of course after I had some chicken and broccoli & steamed rice, I felt so much better! Rice is typically not on my menu but I needed it today and could not get over how I felt so much better. There are times I have to tweak my menu. I have realized that it is ok to do that. I eat what I want if I really want something.
I was talking to another friend this week and was giving her some tips on starting the whole grain free diet. I told her she can't think of it as a diet, she has to think of it as a life style change and if she really wants something, to allow herself to eat it. That is how I have succeeded so far.
So, I know so many of you want to know what is going on with my Internet dating stuff.
Well I have been talking to several guys! Totally got rid of the 30 year old. He turned out to be a complete A$$. I have been talking to one guy named Donnie that I like the most. He is 9 years older than me, and he is such a nice guy. He has a 5 year old daughter. He is a builder, and lives near Danville VA. SO a little over an hour from here. He also flies planes and goes 4 wheeling and does all kinds of outdoor stuff. But most of all, spends a lot of time with his daughter which is awesome.
Then there's Rick. He lives about 20-30 minutes from me, and has 3 kids. a daughter 20, and 2 sons, 15 & 11. The only one that lives with him is the 11 year old. Not sure about him yet. Not really sure what he does for a living and he is very big into sports and plays softball.
Then there's Greg who I have spoken to a lot since I first started this venture and he really wants to meet me. He has a boy 9 and a girl 11. They live in Maryland with their mom and he lives about 45 minutes from me. SUPER SUPER nice, but there is just something I can't put my finger on yet. He is nice but continuously says how beautiful I am, how pretty I am and all this other stuff which is very nice but it's almost annoying because he says it almost in every email. UGH IT'S ALMOST CREEPY! It's one thing if I had known him in person for a long time and he knew me like that, but this just makes me feel weird.
So, I am going to meet Donnie soon! Just not sure when yet, I'm still really nervous.
Anyway, Lexi sang the National Anthem on Wednesday night for the local PD Award Ceremony and she did great. I was so proud.
Well I hope you all have a great evening.
Got lots of stuff to do tomorrow, especially get some sun!
Godspeed!
Jenn
because your hands are so busy clasping
what you think you have always known.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Thank God it's Friday! I can't believe today got here! This seemed to be the longest week ever!!
My food choices this week were good, but I have to tell you, I did not eat enough protein and other stuff. I ate way too much salad so I wasn't getting enough nourishment. I was nauseous all day! Then I went to lunch with one of my friends from work and he told me I didn't have enough protein. And of course after I had some chicken and broccoli & steamed rice, I felt so much better! Rice is typically not on my menu but I needed it today and could not get over how I felt so much better. There are times I have to tweak my menu. I have realized that it is ok to do that. I eat what I want if I really want something.
I was talking to another friend this week and was giving her some tips on starting the whole grain free diet. I told her she can't think of it as a diet, she has to think of it as a life style change and if she really wants something, to allow herself to eat it. That is how I have succeeded so far.
So, I know so many of you want to know what is going on with my Internet dating stuff.
Well I have been talking to several guys! Totally got rid of the 30 year old. He turned out to be a complete A$$. I have been talking to one guy named Donnie that I like the most. He is 9 years older than me, and he is such a nice guy. He has a 5 year old daughter. He is a builder, and lives near Danville VA. SO a little over an hour from here. He also flies planes and goes 4 wheeling and does all kinds of outdoor stuff. But most of all, spends a lot of time with his daughter which is awesome.
Then there's Rick. He lives about 20-30 minutes from me, and has 3 kids. a daughter 20, and 2 sons, 15 & 11. The only one that lives with him is the 11 year old. Not sure about him yet. Not really sure what he does for a living and he is very big into sports and plays softball.
Then there's Greg who I have spoken to a lot since I first started this venture and he really wants to meet me. He has a boy 9 and a girl 11. They live in Maryland with their mom and he lives about 45 minutes from me. SUPER SUPER nice, but there is just something I can't put my finger on yet. He is nice but continuously says how beautiful I am, how pretty I am and all this other stuff which is very nice but it's almost annoying because he says it almost in every email. UGH IT'S ALMOST CREEPY! It's one thing if I had known him in person for a long time and he knew me like that, but this just makes me feel weird.
So, I am going to meet Donnie soon! Just not sure when yet, I'm still really nervous.
Anyway, Lexi sang the National Anthem on Wednesday night for the local PD Award Ceremony and she did great. I was so proud.
Well I hope you all have a great evening.
Got lots of stuff to do tomorrow, especially get some sun!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Another crazy day... and men, what the heck, IT'S RAINING MEN... LOL
You create stress in your life by getting angry,
and you can instantly remove
that stress by granting forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just when I thought I was going to stay off of the dating site, I got a few more emails. And one of the guys is 9 years older than me, almost 10 years older. And he seems really nice, so I am going to chat with him and email with him for a while and see what happens. I am not putting 100% into this right now because I am just not feeling it. But today it's raining outside and it's like raining men in my life today. I got some more emails from some different men, which is very cool. But again, not rushing into it and seeing what happens. This guy has contacted me for a few days. So, we shall see where life takes me.
What an amazing weekend I had. Lexi and I had a great weekend together. She outdid herself with dinner last night. It was just an all around great Mother's Day. I got texts, and emails and calls from so many people wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Most of all, the one person I had wanted to hear from, was the one person who texted & emailed me & wished me a Happy Mother's day twice and before anyone else. It was incredibly sweet. And a great day of conversing was very special to me.
I have lost a total of 45 lbs so far, and I am struggling & trying to figure out where my head is at. It is definitely not in the right place. I'm not letting things get away from me though. I keep bouncing back though, and that is the important thing. I see my success, and am not going to give up on that. I have to remind myself one day at a time, and sometimes it's one minute at a time. Like I do a lot of things in my life.. That is my moto.
I didn't eat too much today, NOT SMART~ I had my protein bar for breakfast, then nothing for lunch, than for dinner I had some sheppards pie that Susan (my friend & roommate) made.
Now I'm kicking back and watching the Bachelorette, yes, Reality Tv. YAY!!! This is going to be a horrible season. I am not a fan of thing is bachelorette, I think she's exploiting her daughter, and it pisses me off. I would never exploit my daughter this way.. Ugh I don't need a Daddy for her. I am Happy to do the parenting all by myself!
2 more days and Lexi will be singing the National Anthem at the Apex PD Awards ceremony and then she got asked to sing another song for something else that is going on in the community on June 2nd. So she will be doing that too! She is just a performing queen.. I am so incredibly proud of her, she has no idea.
Well nothing else is going on tonight except a thunderstorm, so I am going to get off this computer now.
have a great night!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
and you can instantly remove
that stress by granting forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just when I thought I was going to stay off of the dating site, I got a few more emails. And one of the guys is 9 years older than me, almost 10 years older. And he seems really nice, so I am going to chat with him and email with him for a while and see what happens. I am not putting 100% into this right now because I am just not feeling it. But today it's raining outside and it's like raining men in my life today. I got some more emails from some different men, which is very cool. But again, not rushing into it and seeing what happens. This guy has contacted me for a few days. So, we shall see where life takes me.
What an amazing weekend I had. Lexi and I had a great weekend together. She outdid herself with dinner last night. It was just an all around great Mother's Day. I got texts, and emails and calls from so many people wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Most of all, the one person I had wanted to hear from, was the one person who texted & emailed me & wished me a Happy Mother's day twice and before anyone else. It was incredibly sweet. And a great day of conversing was very special to me.
I have lost a total of 45 lbs so far, and I am struggling & trying to figure out where my head is at. It is definitely not in the right place. I'm not letting things get away from me though. I keep bouncing back though, and that is the important thing. I see my success, and am not going to give up on that. I have to remind myself one day at a time, and sometimes it's one minute at a time. Like I do a lot of things in my life.. That is my moto.
I didn't eat too much today, NOT SMART~ I had my protein bar for breakfast, then nothing for lunch, than for dinner I had some sheppards pie that Susan (my friend & roommate) made.
Now I'm kicking back and watching the Bachelorette, yes, Reality Tv. YAY!!! This is going to be a horrible season. I am not a fan of thing is bachelorette, I think she's exploiting her daughter, and it pisses me off. I would never exploit my daughter this way.. Ugh I don't need a Daddy for her. I am Happy to do the parenting all by myself!
2 more days and Lexi will be singing the National Anthem at the Apex PD Awards ceremony and then she got asked to sing another song for something else that is going on in the community on June 2nd. So she will be doing that too! She is just a performing queen.. I am so incredibly proud of her, she has no idea.
Well nothing else is going on tonight except a thunderstorm, so I am going to get off this computer now.
have a great night!
GODSPEED!
Jenn
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day 2012
A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled.
- Emily Dickinson
I have tried to write on here for a few days and every time I write, something happens with my computer and it wipes out what I have written, even when it's been saved. IT's so frustrating so that is partly why I have not written on here much.
Today has been an absolutely amazing day! I got a text message at the crack of dawn wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, and there is nothing sweeter than someone you love, thinks of you and sends wishes your way. I was up early and saw the message, then I turned over and went right back to sleep after conversing for a little bit. Then Lexi came in at 10:15 to say Happy Mother's Day. Then I went back to sleep until 12. IT WAS AWESOME! I have not slept that late in such a long time. It was great to sleep 10 hours, and even though it wasn't completely straight through, it was still great!! I felt so rested when I woke up. I even got right up, and finished the laundry, and then came downstairs, had brunch with Lexi, coldcuts & cheese on a plate, and my coffee. I know, an odd mixture of food, but it was better than nothing, or just coffee. Lexi was ready for lunch anyway, since she had been up since 10:15. And by this time I had already cleaned the kitchen and it was 1pm. I then vac'd the entire downstairs and and mopped all the floors. Felt like I accomplished enough for today until I realized I needed to spot clean my carpet in the living room and hall. so I did that too! And then my best guy friend Joe came over with 4 gluten free hummingbird cupcakes and stayed for an hour. I love when he visits. He is so easy to talk to & he so gets me & my thinking. It's nice that I can talk with him about guys in my life and all that stuff. He is great with advice too and I ALWAYS take it because even though he is younger than me, he so gets me! He is so funny, he still can['t believe I am going to be 44 on June 23rd. I can't either to be honest. I can't believe that much of my life has passed by. So it got me thinking about all that I have accomplished in my life. I really have accomplished alot and my greatest accomplishment of course is Lexi, She is absolutely amazing. She has been cleaning and making dinner all day. Homemade sauce, chicken cutlets and gluten free pasta for me. We were going to have chicken parm, but decided to just have cutlets. Which works for me.
I lost another lb this week which puts me just at 45 lbs. I am quite proud to say the least. Considering I have been struggling the past 2 weeks. I always jump right back on board, but here & there I have been experimenting to see what I am allergic too and not allergic too, turns out, everything I have cut out of my diet I AM ALLERGIC TOO! GREAT RIGHT? I think it's time I stop experimenting!
Well I want to Thank all of you who have wished me a Happy Mother's day, and thank you for stopping by to read my blog.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
- Emily Dickinson
I have tried to write on here for a few days and every time I write, something happens with my computer and it wipes out what I have written, even when it's been saved. IT's so frustrating so that is partly why I have not written on here much.
Today has been an absolutely amazing day! I got a text message at the crack of dawn wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, and there is nothing sweeter than someone you love, thinks of you and sends wishes your way. I was up early and saw the message, then I turned over and went right back to sleep after conversing for a little bit. Then Lexi came in at 10:15 to say Happy Mother's Day. Then I went back to sleep until 12. IT WAS AWESOME! I have not slept that late in such a long time. It was great to sleep 10 hours, and even though it wasn't completely straight through, it was still great!! I felt so rested when I woke up. I even got right up, and finished the laundry, and then came downstairs, had brunch with Lexi, coldcuts & cheese on a plate, and my coffee. I know, an odd mixture of food, but it was better than nothing, or just coffee. Lexi was ready for lunch anyway, since she had been up since 10:15. And by this time I had already cleaned the kitchen and it was 1pm. I then vac'd the entire downstairs and and mopped all the floors. Felt like I accomplished enough for today until I realized I needed to spot clean my carpet in the living room and hall. so I did that too! And then my best guy friend Joe came over with 4 gluten free hummingbird cupcakes and stayed for an hour. I love when he visits. He is so easy to talk to & he so gets me & my thinking. It's nice that I can talk with him about guys in my life and all that stuff. He is great with advice too and I ALWAYS take it because even though he is younger than me, he so gets me! He is so funny, he still can['t believe I am going to be 44 on June 23rd. I can't either to be honest. I can't believe that much of my life has passed by. So it got me thinking about all that I have accomplished in my life. I really have accomplished alot and my greatest accomplishment of course is Lexi, She is absolutely amazing. She has been cleaning and making dinner all day. Homemade sauce, chicken cutlets and gluten free pasta for me. We were going to have chicken parm, but decided to just have cutlets. Which works for me.
I lost another lb this week which puts me just at 45 lbs. I am quite proud to say the least. Considering I have been struggling the past 2 weeks. I always jump right back on board, but here & there I have been experimenting to see what I am allergic too and not allergic too, turns out, everything I have cut out of my diet I AM ALLERGIC TOO! GREAT RIGHT? I think it's time I stop experimenting!
Well I want to Thank all of you who have wished me a Happy Mother's day, and thank you for stopping by to read my blog.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Struggling lately
Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ugh, did you ever feel like you needed to forgive yourself to move on? We always talk about having to forgive others and what a gift it is to ourselves, and well, lately I am having a really hard time just with life. I decided to join a dating site, and I am getting some really great and flattering attention. So what is wrong? Right? Well, I honestly thought I was really ready to date & settle down with someone else. And well, I'm thinking I need to just be single. I know, having a long distance relationship with someone you didn't see all that much, well, we talked and skyped and emailed and texted and yes, our relationship had grown in leaps and bounds... Well it's really hard when you love someone, really love someone to just "MOVE ON". I have really liked the attention I am getting, it really and truly is flattering, but going anywhere, I am really gun shy. I don't know. I think I am going to take a little time to just figure out what & who I really want in my life by way of a life long partner.
I get lonely at times, but I am never really alone. I LOVE My quiet time by myself at the end of the day. I like being able to go out with friends, and not having to answer to anyone if I am going out with a guy friend for a drink.
Oh well, so I put all these expectations on myself, they really are unrealistic expectations, I worry about things that you would not worry about for weeks or even months into a relationship. but i put those stresses on myself. Crazy. So I am in a way starting to feel like I am going to sabotage myself with my successes. I am aware of it, so I am not going too, but at times, I feel myself slipping. Like I am going to lose control, because I like to be in complete control.
So, I guess I am going to back off the dating site for a little bit, see what happens. I don't know. Mother's Day is coming and Lexi & I are going to hang out this weekend. Friday she'll be with her friends, Saturday we will go to church then go to a birthday party for my friends daughter, then who knows what else. Then Sunday is Mother's Day so Lexi is going to cook dinner. She cooks for me EVERY Mother's Day & I love it.
Tonight I went out to dinner with my friends from work Julie, Andrea, Susan & Marie Elena for Marie Elena's birthday. Of course there was something wrong with my food & it had to go back. That has been the story of my life for the last few weeks whenever I go out. But I ate off the Gluten Free menu and because my dinner was wrong and I had to order something else, they gave me a complimentary dessert and it was gluten free. I can't think of the name of it, but it was something Italian, and it was awesome!! Dinner was great and the company was great. I have some amazing friends at work, and we have become such great friends, it's really nice.
Well I am really going to try to get on here & write every day again, I think that will help me stay on track!
Oh well, Have a great night everyone!
Godspeed!
Jenn
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ugh, did you ever feel like you needed to forgive yourself to move on? We always talk about having to forgive others and what a gift it is to ourselves, and well, lately I am having a really hard time just with life. I decided to join a dating site, and I am getting some really great and flattering attention. So what is wrong? Right? Well, I honestly thought I was really ready to date & settle down with someone else. And well, I'm thinking I need to just be single. I know, having a long distance relationship with someone you didn't see all that much, well, we talked and skyped and emailed and texted and yes, our relationship had grown in leaps and bounds... Well it's really hard when you love someone, really love someone to just "MOVE ON". I have really liked the attention I am getting, it really and truly is flattering, but going anywhere, I am really gun shy. I don't know. I think I am going to take a little time to just figure out what & who I really want in my life by way of a life long partner.
I get lonely at times, but I am never really alone. I LOVE My quiet time by myself at the end of the day. I like being able to go out with friends, and not having to answer to anyone if I am going out with a guy friend for a drink.
Oh well, so I put all these expectations on myself, they really are unrealistic expectations, I worry about things that you would not worry about for weeks or even months into a relationship. but i put those stresses on myself. Crazy. So I am in a way starting to feel like I am going to sabotage myself with my successes. I am aware of it, so I am not going too, but at times, I feel myself slipping. Like I am going to lose control, because I like to be in complete control.
So, I guess I am going to back off the dating site for a little bit, see what happens. I don't know. Mother's Day is coming and Lexi & I are going to hang out this weekend. Friday she'll be with her friends, Saturday we will go to church then go to a birthday party for my friends daughter, then who knows what else. Then Sunday is Mother's Day so Lexi is going to cook dinner. She cooks for me EVERY Mother's Day & I love it.
Tonight I went out to dinner with my friends from work Julie, Andrea, Susan & Marie Elena for Marie Elena's birthday. Of course there was something wrong with my food & it had to go back. That has been the story of my life for the last few weeks whenever I go out. But I ate off the Gluten Free menu and because my dinner was wrong and I had to order something else, they gave me a complimentary dessert and it was gluten free. I can't think of the name of it, but it was something Italian, and it was awesome!! Dinner was great and the company was great. I have some amazing friends at work, and we have become such great friends, it's really nice.
Well I am really going to try to get on here & write every day again, I think that will help me stay on track!
Oh well, Have a great night everyone!
Godspeed!
Jenn
Friday, May 4, 2012
What a week...
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
- Raymond Lindquist
I'm thinking that this has been one of the longest weeks in a long time. I think the walk last week really threw me off. Which is fine. I felt great but sore this week. So many things happened this past week. Some of you are probably wondering why I am not going to the boxing gym. Well the owner turned out to be a real jerk. He wrote a horrible email to all his members and said terrible things. Actually I am going to post it here.
Are you F*&#&@G Kidding Me!
So I decided I no longer wanted to associate with him or his gym. What a jerk, and although nothing was directed at me, this was a poor, poor way of doing business. It's kind of ashamed because I really like his girlfriend, who teaches amazing classes,abut I will not give him any of my money.
One of my neighbors/friends works at a gym so I am going to use a 10 day pass my friend gave me. Then I may join a gym near work. It looks really cool and it's new, so I have a few other options. I think I would have a lot of success at this new one. I am going to check it out though.
This week was a little tougher with my lifestyle change. I had dessert 2 nights and McDonalds tonight which I have had only once since January, and i feel like crap. But tomorrow I will be back on track. I actually have been totally on track except for the dessert while out this week and then tonights dinner, but I'll tell you, it was not worth it, I got so sick tonight from it!
I went to a fund raiser at church. It was the Band of Brothers and our music directors band played all kinds of 80's music. It was awesome.
Well I am heading to bed.
have a great night.
Godspeed...
Jenn
- Raymond Lindquist
I'm thinking that this has been one of the longest weeks in a long time. I think the walk last week really threw me off. Which is fine. I felt great but sore this week. So many things happened this past week. Some of you are probably wondering why I am not going to the boxing gym. Well the owner turned out to be a real jerk. He wrote a horrible email to all his members and said terrible things. Actually I am going to post it here.
Are you F*&#&@G Kidding Me!
Hello Everyone,
I came into the CLUB today because I have been noticing on my video cameras that a lot of people come into BOX-2B-FIT, INC. throughout the week & especially Saturdays when they know that I am not their.
You know who you are because you know that Kamilah & Lamar do not check on you like I do.
Some of you owe past money or your Living Social deal has expired and yet you still sneak in or try sneaking in.
Today at the CLUB I watched several cars come to park and then YOU seen my van and turned back around and departed.
Now Lamar’s car was there so it was not like you thought I was teaching class. (People LOVE My Classes).
The only reason why that would happen is because like I said earlier you either owe money or your Living Social deal is over.
So if you have a Living Social deal DO NOT walk past that second door front door as you are coming in without stopping by one of the offices and giving your name to either Me, Kamilah or Lamar.
If no one is up front then please sit down and wait till one of use gets to you!
Just so you understand once I will let you go, twice I will KICK YOU OUT.
I can not and will not jump through hopes for a membership, if you need that type of attention then please go to another facility.
If you are a member of BOX-2B-FIT, INC. then you know you need to swipe in. So start swiping!
Please test me if you would like!
Later,
Rick
So I decided I no longer wanted to associate with him or his gym. What a jerk, and although nothing was directed at me, this was a poor, poor way of doing business. It's kind of ashamed because I really like his girlfriend, who teaches amazing classes,abut I will not give him any of my money.
One of my neighbors/friends works at a gym so I am going to use a 10 day pass my friend gave me. Then I may join a gym near work. It looks really cool and it's new, so I have a few other options. I think I would have a lot of success at this new one. I am going to check it out though.
This week was a little tougher with my lifestyle change. I had dessert 2 nights and McDonalds tonight which I have had only once since January, and i feel like crap. But tomorrow I will be back on track. I actually have been totally on track except for the dessert while out this week and then tonights dinner, but I'll tell you, it was not worth it, I got so sick tonight from it!
I went to a fund raiser at church. It was the Band of Brothers and our music directors band played all kinds of 80's music. It was awesome.
Well I am heading to bed.
have a great night.
Godspeed...
Jenn
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Today was not just an ordinary day....
Life is a mirror, and will reflect back
to the thinker what he thinks into it.
- Ernest Holmes
Those of you that know me really well, now that me & mirrors just aren't friends. Did you ever know anyone who could look in a mirror to do their hair & makeup and never look at the rest of themselves? That has always been me... I hate mirrors, although it's getting easier to look at myself a little more every day as the weight comes off, or should I say as my masks & Armour come off.
My weight as many of you know has always been my armour. I am ashamed to say that I had let it consume me, thinking no one would want me. That no man would ever want someone who looked like me. Then I was talking with a guy friend of mine recently and he told me something that just has stuck in my head. He told me I was a magnet! I was very flattered, I was like how so, he said my personality is a magnet that it draws people in. I guess I come off confident, which I am. Especially at work or when I am out. I am good at having that mask on, but deep down, I am insecure of who I am.. SHOCKING RIGHT?? LOL Seriously though, I am really insecure when it comes to me because I have continuously failed at dieting and this is the first time I am actually succeeding so it's actually helping me be even more confident.
My goal is to get to a decent weight but show my Lexi that I am strong enough & I can do this. She like the rest of you know, I have battled drug addiction, and so many other issues, that this should be the easiest, and of course it's the hardest thing I have ever done.
Today I went to see a nutritionist, and she was good during the one on one stuff, then I went to a big seminar and that really sucked, it was through work and the lady was just not that good in a large group!
I am going to cut this one short tonight. The guy that I have been talking to is a little younger than me. ok a lot younger than me, he's 30! YES I told him I am too old for him. Today I had to break it to him that I was just not willing to be more than friends with someone that much younger than me, but let's face it, the other part is that he is apparently only 5ft tall. Now, I feel terrible and would not tell him that is why I am not interested, cause he really is a nice guy, BUT I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER CHILD! And my child is 5'6 so that just will not work.. She's taller than him! LOL I'm sorry if that makes me a snob, but I just can't do it, and of course I told him, I am done having kids and he still want kids, so let's just be friends, he is a little to needy too, glad I am able to just be who I am and say, SORRY!!! I hate to be mean, but I am not willing to risk my dignity at all!
I ate pretty well today, I had my protein bar this morning then I had a big salad with chicken in it, it really was awesome, I like when I make a nice one from home. And dinner, I went with my best friend and got burgers (mine in a lettuce wrap) for her birthday. Service was terrible and I got my food for free since they didn't make it as a wrap, then my pineapples weren't on there, so the manager gave it to me for free! It was a great time though because she & I needed to hang out!
Well going to bed, Good night all!
Godspeed!!
Jenn
to the thinker what he thinks into it.
- Ernest Holmes
Those of you that know me really well, now that me & mirrors just aren't friends. Did you ever know anyone who could look in a mirror to do their hair & makeup and never look at the rest of themselves? That has always been me... I hate mirrors, although it's getting easier to look at myself a little more every day as the weight comes off, or should I say as my masks & Armour come off.
My weight as many of you know has always been my armour. I am ashamed to say that I had let it consume me, thinking no one would want me. That no man would ever want someone who looked like me. Then I was talking with a guy friend of mine recently and he told me something that just has stuck in my head. He told me I was a magnet! I was very flattered, I was like how so, he said my personality is a magnet that it draws people in. I guess I come off confident, which I am. Especially at work or when I am out. I am good at having that mask on, but deep down, I am insecure of who I am.. SHOCKING RIGHT?? LOL Seriously though, I am really insecure when it comes to me because I have continuously failed at dieting and this is the first time I am actually succeeding so it's actually helping me be even more confident.
My goal is to get to a decent weight but show my Lexi that I am strong enough & I can do this. She like the rest of you know, I have battled drug addiction, and so many other issues, that this should be the easiest, and of course it's the hardest thing I have ever done.
Today I went to see a nutritionist, and she was good during the one on one stuff, then I went to a big seminar and that really sucked, it was through work and the lady was just not that good in a large group!
I am going to cut this one short tonight. The guy that I have been talking to is a little younger than me. ok a lot younger than me, he's 30! YES I told him I am too old for him. Today I had to break it to him that I was just not willing to be more than friends with someone that much younger than me, but let's face it, the other part is that he is apparently only 5ft tall. Now, I feel terrible and would not tell him that is why I am not interested, cause he really is a nice guy, BUT I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER CHILD! And my child is 5'6 so that just will not work.. She's taller than him! LOL I'm sorry if that makes me a snob, but I just can't do it, and of course I told him, I am done having kids and he still want kids, so let's just be friends, he is a little to needy too, glad I am able to just be who I am and say, SORRY!!! I hate to be mean, but I am not willing to risk my dignity at all!
I ate pretty well today, I had my protein bar this morning then I had a big salad with chicken in it, it really was awesome, I like when I make a nice one from home. And dinner, I went with my best friend and got burgers (mine in a lettuce wrap) for her birthday. Service was terrible and I got my food for free since they didn't make it as a wrap, then my pineapples weren't on there, so the manager gave it to me for free! It was a great time though because she & I needed to hang out!
Well going to bed, Good night all!
Godspeed!!
Jenn
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
a weird few days but I have still lost
You never really understand a person
until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee
So, I decided to join the dating sight I was thinking of joining. It was so hard to make the decision to it. I am actually glad I did now. I am chatting with some really nice guys. I need to make sure I really pay attention to what peoples profiles say especially their ages. Some of the guys that contact me can not believe I am actually going to be 44 which is really nice. One of the guys I have been talking to for the last 2 days has lost 106 lbs so far & it's really nice that he gets that part of what I am doing and how important that this weight loss journey is to me. I am totally taking it slow with this one though. He already is talking about meeting me in a week or so. Whenever I am ready. Not quite sure when I will be ready. Only time will tell.
So I am down 44 lbs now. I can't believe it! I am well on my way. I am so proud of myself for getting this far and although I have a long way to go, I know I will get there eventually. I have goals!! My main goal is to get back into working out again. I really miss my old gym. I loved to work out on my own on the machines. I have a 2 week pass to a place locally and Susan (my friend & Roommate) and I are going to go with my FNP from my Dr's office. That will be fun. I need to get more info from online and then figure out what we're doing. I am going to join some gym, just not sure which one yet.
I have so much support on this lifestyle change. It's amazing.
I am really doing well with my food, although I found out that the protein bar I have been eating every day during the week, or almost every day, haw WHEAT GERM in it, needless to say, I never even realized it, it was so far down on the list. I spoke with my friend Adam who said it's not enough to hurt me, especially since I have been on a consistent weight loss of at least 2 lbs a week some weeks more, some weeks less, but I AM DOING IT! I am really happy. It's funny cause I know I am acting different like my friend Joe said. I think my spring in my step is because I even feel a little sexier, which I know is neither here nor there, but for me, It's a nice feeling.
The funniest thing happened tonight. (A little TMI for my male friends/readers SO SORRY). I went into the bathroom and never unbuttoned my capri's they just fell off me, I looked down & laughed, and thought, THAT HAS NEVER HAPPEN BEFORE! LOL And last year, these capri's were new and just fit, cause "I was going to lose weight and they would fit me better, so when I took the tags off them this year, because I never wore them last year, they were big on me. Which to my delight shocked me. I look in the mirror sometimes and don't see the weight loss, and then other times, when I look at and compare pic's I think, WOW have I worked really hard n I can really see a difference. I also have some amazing friends that point out my weight loss to me when I wear certain outfits or colors. So that is awesome and helps me too. I had someone tell me today, how much I inspire her. That was really sweet. I have had so many people tell me that which just blows me away totally!
Well I am going to finish my glass of wine, chat with the new guy some more, since he has already been waiting for me to get back to chatting. And then, hit the bed & hopefully pass out since i am so tired!!
Hope you all have a great night!
Thanks for coming back and supporting me again.
Godspeed.
Jenn
until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee
So, I decided to join the dating sight I was thinking of joining. It was so hard to make the decision to it. I am actually glad I did now. I am chatting with some really nice guys. I need to make sure I really pay attention to what peoples profiles say especially their ages. Some of the guys that contact me can not believe I am actually going to be 44 which is really nice. One of the guys I have been talking to for the last 2 days has lost 106 lbs so far & it's really nice that he gets that part of what I am doing and how important that this weight loss journey is to me. I am totally taking it slow with this one though. He already is talking about meeting me in a week or so. Whenever I am ready. Not quite sure when I will be ready. Only time will tell.
So I am down 44 lbs now. I can't believe it! I am well on my way. I am so proud of myself for getting this far and although I have a long way to go, I know I will get there eventually. I have goals!! My main goal is to get back into working out again. I really miss my old gym. I loved to work out on my own on the machines. I have a 2 week pass to a place locally and Susan (my friend & Roommate) and I are going to go with my FNP from my Dr's office. That will be fun. I need to get more info from online and then figure out what we're doing. I am going to join some gym, just not sure which one yet.
I have so much support on this lifestyle change. It's amazing.
I am really doing well with my food, although I found out that the protein bar I have been eating every day during the week, or almost every day, haw WHEAT GERM in it, needless to say, I never even realized it, it was so far down on the list. I spoke with my friend Adam who said it's not enough to hurt me, especially since I have been on a consistent weight loss of at least 2 lbs a week some weeks more, some weeks less, but I AM DOING IT! I am really happy. It's funny cause I know I am acting different like my friend Joe said. I think my spring in my step is because I even feel a little sexier, which I know is neither here nor there, but for me, It's a nice feeling.
The funniest thing happened tonight. (A little TMI for my male friends/readers SO SORRY). I went into the bathroom and never unbuttoned my capri's they just fell off me, I looked down & laughed, and thought, THAT HAS NEVER HAPPEN BEFORE! LOL And last year, these capri's were new and just fit, cause "I was going to lose weight and they would fit me better, so when I took the tags off them this year, because I never wore them last year, they were big on me. Which to my delight shocked me. I look in the mirror sometimes and don't see the weight loss, and then other times, when I look at and compare pic's I think, WOW have I worked really hard n I can really see a difference. I also have some amazing friends that point out my weight loss to me when I wear certain outfits or colors. So that is awesome and helps me too. I had someone tell me today, how much I inspire her. That was really sweet. I have had so many people tell me that which just blows me away totally!
Well I am going to finish my glass of wine, chat with the new guy some more, since he has already been waiting for me to get back to chatting. And then, hit the bed & hopefully pass out since i am so tired!!
Hope you all have a great night!
Thanks for coming back and supporting me again.
Godspeed.
Jenn
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