the miracle that changed my life today

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I need to start off with the day that I had. I got to work on time, WOO HOO! I am so not a morning person, and since my spinal tap leak, I have a hard time really getting moving in the morning..
Well I got to work, the day was going really well. My friend Julie & I went to run to Wendy's to get salad's for lunch which we were in a rush to get back because we had a nutrition meeting that we wanted to attend. Well on our way back we noticed 3 cars in the road, and then a woman on the side of the road, we thought, maybe she got hit by a car. She just didn't look right. Julie, being a nurse said, Do you think we should go back? I said yea, so we turned around, pulled the car into the turning lane & literally ran over to the woman. Now, there was 2 women standing in the road, one was a coworker, she had called 911, and then there was a man by the woman. As soon as Julie and I got to her, we could see she had a stroke. Mommy mode kicked in for me. We spoke to "Barbara" (as she had her name badge on her hip from work) she looked at me but could not speak, and she just tried so hard to speak. Julie being the nurse assessed and asked questions, and I just held the woman's had and rubbed her back, stroked her hair & just tried to keep her calm. All the while, thinking to myself, & praying, GOD PLEASE BE WITH US, Please don't let her die! Please let us be able to help her. I was able to find a phone n her front pocket. We were able to get her to start talking to us, she was able to tell us what her husbands name was. Julie called him, and he thought it was a joke, by the time she was finishing up talking, the Fire Dept and police had come. The husband spoke to an officer and I helped the firemen. They asked me to support Barbara so she didn't fall while they assessed her, and Julie spoke with the Firemen. All of a sudden, I looked at the woman who had first -pulled over. Her license plate said "HE'S GOD" And I said to Julie, look at that license plate & we knew at that moment, God was really there with us! HE KEPT US CALM, HE LET US KNOW HE WAS THERE, AND HE WOULD GET US THROUGH IT!!!  Julie & I were amazed how we were able to hold it together. But we Did! Great team work, by 2 great friends!!  Barbara kept trying to talk and kept telling me thank you, and I just kept telling her it was ok! What a dynamite lady she was, but boy was she scared! Today was a true testament to how God really works! He showed me he was there with the license plate, and  I knew that although Barbara had, had a stroke, she was going to be ok!  We have not heard anything about her, but Julie & I stopped at her job to let them know what happen, and on my way out, I said, Can you tell the big boss, that they need to put your company logo or name on your employee badges, because her husband told us where we worked because she was not coherent enough to tell us where she worked!
I pray that she is ok, and will be home with her husband and family. I only hope that if that were me, or any of my friends or family that someone would be as nice to them! This was very trying on my nerves and my adrenalin today!

I was going to go home after work, but I decided that I needed to take the Yoga class that work was offering. I'm glad I took it! But man am I tired!!

Now, I'm waiting for my cheesy chicken & broccoli to finish cooking, and drinking a glass of wine. Then I will crash!!!

I did great with my food today. I had a banana,, a protein bar, a salad, with pomegranate dressing with cranberries & pecans & apples in it, it was from Wendy's & it was called Apples & Pecan salad. I didn't have the blue cheese, I had cheddar cheese instead. Now I'll have dinner! YUM

Hope you all have a great night!
\
Godspeed!
Jenn

Can not believe I have lost more weight.....

I have accepted fear as a part of life -
specifically the fear of change...
I have gone ahead despite the pounding
in the heart that says: turn back.
- Erica Jong

I am so ready to get in the car and go away! I have not been on a vacation in several years, and although we're not going to any amusement parks, we are going to be going to the beach in Florida on the Gulf! Lexi and I are both so looking forward to just leaving life behind here. I will be bringing my computer to update my blog from time to time, and I will take lots of pics! I love to take pics! I am so excited to get to see all the people I have not seen in years! It's going to be so fun!

I need to get in the car and not worry about anything. I will be sticking to my lifestyle change, but I am definitely going to have fun!
Today I did pretty well with my food! I had a slim fast shake for breakfast and a slice of mozzarella cheese. Then I had pineapples, apples & watermelon, and a power bar for lunch. Then for dinner I had chicken & french fries. YUM
I lost another 2 lbs the last few weeks, putting me at 33.5 lbs! I still can't believe it! I actually think it may be 3 lbs, but I will recheck it tomorrow, if it's 3 lbs then I will be at 34.5 lbs lost! God, how did I get here and stay so confident? All I can say is WOW!!!

The nice thing, about losing this weight, is now that I am going out a little more, I am finding that I am allowing myself to not feel awkward when I get  a little attention! Which has always been hard for me. I am allowing myself to say Thank you when a man pays me a compliment instead of feeling uncomfortable. It's funny cause a friend of mine wants to introduce me to someone she knows, and the time just has not worked out, but it will when I come home from Florida. I will finally get to meet this guy that has wanted to meet me for over a month. It will be fun! I was going to try to go this weekend, but that didn't happen! Oh well, soon enough! All I know, is I am so looking forward to my trip!
ok I'm going to bed, hope you all have a great evening!


Godspeed!
Jenn

This has been the shortest weekend ever!!!!

The problem with making assumptions
is that we believe they are the truth
- don Miguel Ruiz

I am convinced that this is the shortest weekend ever!!! I volunteered for every show at Lexi's play and it was great! I would NOT ever change it! I was glad to help, but  boy did it make for a short weekend!
I am so looking forward to vacation & laying on the beach n Sunny Florida. My friend Susan will be staying at my house, and my parents will have my puppy.
I am looking forward to the drive because Lexi & I travel really well together and after the day we had today, we need a really good communication day! And Lord knows, in the car together for 8-10 hours will be good for us. We usually spend a lot of time laughing & singing & blasting the music. So looking forward to some time away with her. We are going to see lots of my High School friends that I have not seen in years. Then we will stay at my friend Mary's house in North Port, which I am so looking forward too! Mary & I have always had such a great friendship. So spending it with her will be awesome. She's on vacation too & I will get to see her kids, whom I have  known since they are little and meet her daughter in law & her grandson. I'm so excited.

My food has been ok. I have tried to stay on my lifestyle change almost all the time but I do have times when I allow myself a small treat! I didn't do that at all in the beginning but I have now. If I want something, like yesterday I was chaperoning the kids at Midnight bowling and I was so tired, and hand one meal all day. So I had a soft pretzel. Not a very smart idea, but not too bad either., I got right back on track today though. Every once in a while I allow myself to have something. The hardest part is not feeling bad about it. And really I have been learning not to feel bad. I think that is part of the reason I stayed away from everything for so long., But now, I allow myself. because I honestly don't want to go back to my old ways and over eat, which I have not at all.

I am so tired. I am going to head into bed. Oh, a coworker of mine, has a friend who just wrote a book and needs an editor. WOO HOO, may get some more work to do freelance! I  love to freelance. I love to Edit. I have done 3 books already! So to do another one would be great. Hopefully I'll hear something within the next few weeks.

I'll weigh in, in the morning, I did today, but it said I had lost a lot more weight than I think I really did, so I'll recheck  it tomorrow!

Well I hope you all have a great night!
Godspeed!

Jenn
 

So incredibly tired

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant
Today was by far one of the longest days of my life...... I went out last night and then didn't get to bed until real late. I had a great time, so I didn't really complain about being tired. But after work, I had volunteered at Lexi's school to help run the concessions and watch the Musical Grease! OMG the kids did a great job! Lexi just blew me away with how awesome she did!

I have been doing well with my eating. I have not been on the scale in a few weeks because I was so sick. I will hopefully bet on it tomorrow. Last time I was on, I was still at a 31 1/2 lb loss. Which is pretty awesome. I must admit, I am really proud of myself. If  want something I eat it, but I don't usually want anything major. So it's really not worth cheating. I'd only be cheating myself anyway.

Since I was so sick, and then got a lot better, I have tried to get out & do a little more socializing. I am tired of being in the house. And I am really going out of my comfort zone. I'm meeting surgery, that I needed to do more to get out and put myself out there! It's fun!!! I'm enjoying myself.

So looking forward to my vacation next Friday!  Can not wait to be soaking up the sun in Florida!

Well I am going to kick back & relax  & finish my glass of wine!
Hope you all have a great night!
Godspeed!!

Jenn

Some great news for a change

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
- Anonymous

I love this saying.... I needed to share it today.
Today was a really different kind of day. I went to work, and it was a fairly good day. I had to leave early because I had to go to the neurosurgeon. I was really nervous about going because I was so unsure of what was going to happen and what the surgeon was going to say. I found out I was misdiagnosed and do not have Chiari Malformation 1. I actually have a birth defect in my skull that has caused the lower part of my brain to herniate outside my skull but it is not bad enough to do surgery and I need to have more tests done by the regular neurologist to find out what is causing my symptoms. It is actually possible that a lot of it is from stress.
It actually amazes me how much stress can do to cause damage in your life.
I guess the stress of going back to work ( I love my job) and having a boyfriend that lives in another state and not being able to see him as much as I would like or need too, raising a teenager alone, just doing everything alone. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I have a great life, with great friends. I could have been married already (thank God I am not, and chose to run from my last relationship) but sometimes, even I get so stressed out, beyond anything I have ever experienced.

I think we all handle stress differently. Me, I need to get it out. I tend to almost vomit my words at people.I try so hard to not do that, but when I'm stressed to the max, I just say what is in my head or heart, and don't think first. Not always smart....

Anyway, so today, I wanted to celebrate having found out that I don't need brain surgery and I went through my pantry and through my fridge and freezer, and thought to myself, "NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO EAT TO CELEBRATE!!!  That is what I have always done. SO I thought about one of my guy friends at work, who continuously supports me and tells me how great I am doing! He reads this so he knows who he is! Thank you!!!  I thought of all the compliments you continuously give me and that keeps me motivated. You really don't realize just how special your friendship is to me.

Then my girlfriends at work, Susan, and Julie, my 2 supporters of my lifestyle change, and let me not forget sweet Andrea and Liz my amazing pregnant friend, the 4 of them are the reason I love to go to work every day aside from my patients. They are the closest to me and are all like sisters to me but each on a different level. Our company says they are like a family, well I will tell you, these 4 ladies, are like family to me.

Lexi has her play this week, she is so stressed out on top of making sure all her homework is done, and her chores are done, she is just not herself with me. She's been really short with me, and it's almost hurtful. She doesn't mean it & I know it, but she also had the stress of my bad spinal tap. And she has been so worried about me, now she doesn't have to be! Thank God, and we can go away knowing I am ok, and we will have the greatest time together.

Well I have stuck to my program. I am feeling so good!!
I feel like I am looking good too!
I am hoping to go out again this weekend since Lexi has a late night Saturday night after her show. They have an after party. Gonna be a late night!!!

Well I hope you all have a great evening. I've been kind of stagnant on my weight loss. going to go on the scale again tomorrow! Will see what it shows now.

Godspeed!
Jenn

I need to get back into the swing of things

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life has been very eventful lately.
I had the spinal leak after my spinal tap and was so sick for almost 2 full weeks. I am glad I am finally better from that whole fiasco. I am going to see the neurosurgeon on Tuesday afternoon. I am a little nervous, but I know he will not schedule me for surgery until I am ready, if I am even a candidate for the brain surgery, and after all that happened with the spinal tap, I am really nervous about doing brain surgery anytime soon. I will see what the surgeon says on Tuesday.
Tomorrow I have to take my dog Marshmellow to the vet to get a tooth pulled and his teeth cleaned, he's been on antibiotic for 3 days already because he has an infection in his gums. Poor puppy of mine. So he gets dropped off on my way to work and picked up on my way home.

I had an awesome time this weekend. Got to spend time with a friend, at a bar where my friend Lisa works. It was really a great night! I couldn't have spent my evening any better of a way than with him! He was a lot of fun and made me laugh all night! Ok, and he made me feel like a lady all night too! 
Earlier in the day, I had to take Lexi shopping for a few things she needed for the play. We also got bathing suits for our trip to Florida, and I got my bathing suit & it was 4 sizes smaller than last year. Yes, I am so incredibly excited & so looking forward to my trip!

There is going to be so much going on in my life this week, with Lexi & the musical. OMG, It's crazy. these kids are going to be exhausted by Saturday night. But I will be so happy when it's over. I actually think everyone will be. The chorus teacher is stressed to the max to say the least and is not very nice to the kids at this point, and i think she forgets they are all between the ages of 12-14. I think she needs to retire after this year to be honest. She has put on the same Holiday performance for the chorus every year! They need to sing new songs each year and really just need someone with new ideas who is fresh & nice. Oh well, that rant is done.
My food today was really good. I had coffee and my protein bar. Then we had an early dinner and i got asparagus wrapped in turkey. That is my new favorite meal. I had chicken with asparagus yesterday. I'm on an asparagus kick lately.
Looking forward to going back tomorrow. I think after 2 weeks off, I'm not going to say I wish the weekend was longer. But I do wish my Saturday night was longer.......

So, on that note, I'm going to say good night!

Godspeed and I hope to be back to writing every day this week!

Jenn

WOW ~~ It's been a while since I have written

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson

I can't believe in a week and a half I have only written once. For those of you who do not know, I had a spinal tap on March 2nd and oh what a roller coaster ride this has been. I thought my love life was on a roller coaster ride, but boy did this out do that! OMG!! I had the spinal tap and it ended up that I got a spinal fluid leak, had a blood patch that did not take and those of you who have ever had a spinal tap or epidural and then had that headache, you will understand. Your brain just bounces off the sides of your skull because you have no fluid in there to protect it. This has been a total nightmare. I ended up having a 2nd blood patch yesterday and I am happy to report I am doing quite a bit better. I was hesitant to say quite a bit better earlier, but seriously, quite a bit better. I can hold my head up, it still hurts some, but I am sure over the next day or 2 it should be much better. My Mom has been amazing taking me everywhere I needed to go, to the Dr's, to the hospital, for my procedures. Everywhere! Thank God she has been retired and could help me! Dad, has helped get Lexi all around. Some friends have helped with grocery runs and prayers and food. Which has been really great! I am truly blessed with the people in my life.
Lexi has been a big help, waiting on me hand and foot. Getting me drinks & just hanging out with me! She is great!! She has been the biggest helper of all.

So, I bet you are all wondering how I have been doing on my Lifestyle Change? I have done really well. I have had 3 meals in the last 2 weeks that were not on my plan, they included grain, the first one being my spaghetti meal, the next one was a big mac, that was so not even worth it. The spaghetti was because of the homemade sauce Lexi made, but the bigmac, so NOT WORTH IT! Then I got a meatball parm sub. That was worth it. I have been on target and all with my eating the only thing I have done that is not on my program is soda, I have had to drink so much caffeine. I'm still drinking it! I did mostly drink diet soda, only a little regular, but I definitely am NOT going to touch any soda once my  headache goes away. I am soda'd out!!! I have not weighed myself since last week. I was still at my last loss of 31.5 lbs. Not too bad in a little over 2 months. I have stayed on track with everything else, eating protein bars, to give me a little more energy in the morning, and meats & chicken and veggies too!
I am now officially off of blood pressure meds. HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT! I would like to eventually be off all my meds.
I am looking forward to feeling better and getting back in to the swing of life. I have been out of work since March 2nd. Can't wait to go back hopefully by Thursday. I definitely don't think I will be able to tomorrow. I have not driven in almost 2 weeks. Looking forward to that too!
So glad to be back and writing. I have missed my daily posts. I have not been able to sit long enough to type long.
I can't wait to get out into the beautiful weather we are having and be able to take a nice walk. I hope that this gorgeous 70+ degrees lasts a while.

Well if being home and this sick has taught me one thing, it has really taught me who my real friends are & who would do anything to help not just me but Lexi too!  So, if you read my blog and you are one of those who have helped, or even offered to help, prayed or even just let me know you were "there"  if we needed you, THANK YOU for being my friend.

I'll be back tomorrow!
Godspeed!
Jenn

I have missed writing on my blog the last few days....

We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant.
You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard
or just think it's going to get on by itself.
You've got to keep watering it.
You've got to really look after it and nurture it.
- John Lennon

I have missed writing on my blog this weekend! It has been since Thursday night & I have hated that I could not hole my head up long enough to write anything. Tonight will be short but I am going to write a little bit.
I hate that things did not go according to plan. My spinal tap was so painful! Had I known there was non way in HELL I would have ever done it!  The nurse even tried to tell me not to take the 2nd valium because "it's not going to be bad at all" And thank GOD I  didn't listen & that I took the 2nd one, not that it helped. It took the Dr almost an hour and he barely filled 2 vials with fluid & he was supposed to fill 4. I hope they  had enough, because I will NEVER do that again!!!
I have been in major pain between my back which is finally feeling better and then my headaches which are so bad. All I have done since Friday afternoon is lay down.
I did really well with my food all these days except today. Tonight for dinner I splurged and had some pasta & a roll. Lexi made homemade sauce and it was the first time I had eaten pasta since before New Years. One night won't hurt! I will tell you, I feel incredibly bloated & full! But Lexi really wanted to make something special for me and I let her! NO REGRETS!! Back on track in the morning. I have had to drink so much soda because I had to increase my caffeine intake a lot! UGH. I'm not a soda drinker anymore either, every once in a while I will have one., But all along the last few days I have not cheated and had any grain. I can't wait to go to sleep & wake up & Start a new day tomorrow. I'm hoping this killer headache will have subsided some. But I am thinking it won't be that much of a change, since there hasn't been much of a change for the better with my headache in days!
Well, I'm off to bed.
Good night all!
Godspeed!
Jenn

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman,
before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
- John Quincy Adams

The morning is going to come quickly! I am a little nervous but I hung out with a few of my friends tonight! Karen, Lisa & Susan. We had such a nice time. Helped pass the evening and had some fun. I was able to keep my mind off of tomorrow! I went and filled the 2 Valium and I will pick them up on my way to the procedure.

My food intake has been better. Susan so & I went out to lunch and I got a bbq chicken sandwich minus the bread. It was delicious but the service was slower than molasses. Susan is great company so we sat & Chatted to pass the time.
Work was good. My friends are very supportive of my procedure tomorrow. Especially my supervisor. My manager & I had a conversation and she pretty much said, "Don't worry about your job' You have it and you have the time plus we offer short & long term disability and we just need to get you better, that is your main concern. WEIRD... She's not compassionate at all, so her response took me back a little! But none the less, she was trying, because she knows she comes off too harsh with us all.

Anyway, so I got my hair done last night which is why I didn't write much and I have to go back next week to get more highlights because the caramel highlights pulled the pink from my red highlights & turned my caramel HOT PINK!!! YUP, I was freakin out inside, but Emily put a darker color over it, and it covered it. Thank GOD!! I'm too old for HOT PINK! LOL

Today for dinner I had a meatball sub, minus the sub so pretty much, meatballs on a plate with mozzarella cheese on it! LOL That was my dinner!
Other than that, nothing else going on! I have not weighed myself and probably won't until later in the week with all this stuff going on! I have to be flat on my back for 24 hours! How i'm going to do that is crazy, I'm only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and then back to the couch! Oh & I can lay on my side.

I also, decided tonight to not go to Disney with the school. I was going to be a chaperone, but had to pass on it because it's too stressful to think about none the less go on that trip & be responsible for other children for 5 days. 2 on the bus & 3 looking after them at the parks. I briefly spoke about it with Lexi, and she was fine with it!

Well that's it here! Time to get relaxing.
Hope ya'll have a great evening!
I'll be back tomorrow!

Godspeed!
Jenn